Splitting up the kids ?

[Pisssssedofff]

Basically DS and DD3 are really close.
DD2 is no trouble at all and DD1 just needs peace and quiet and she's fine too.
I am seriously considering buying a flat for DD1 16 now and DD2 when she's 16 and parking them in it.

Their dad is fucking hopeless.

We are all going around the twist with the fighting, lack of space, lack of privacy etc.

I just hate the idea of splitting them up but it's going to happen eventually right ?

Because if she lives on her own who knows who's she'll have around her or bring into the home SS she'll at least be answerable to someone. Someone will ge be able to get her the help and support she needs.
I remember some of your previous posts you seem like a very angry person who is at her wits end with your daughter but in reality if you're going to kick her our why would you reward her with her own place what reward are you going to give your dc's that didn't actually like this won't they be resentful that their sister has their inheritance.

Do NOT kick her out to a hostel.
Awful things happen in those places.
Do what YOU want to do and what YOU think will be the best resolution to this.
I'd not let her move in though until she had a part time job sorted out.
Best time of year right now as well.

I don't drink, I haven't got time to sitting around drinking.
Nothing and I mean nothing impacts her ... She doesn't socialise, if I take the laptop or phone the only person it hurts is me as she can't do homework and then the school phone you up and basically tell you you'd better think of something else to do because they aren't going to suffer as a result of your kid playing up - I kid you not.
The extra ct, bills etc are £200 a month which I get in child support for her anyway. It potentially limits which uni she will go to if she likes the flat and wants to stay. DD2 will kick her Arse with regards to cleaning etc if she moved in too in a couple of years.

This is crazy. Yes it is and you know it. If I remember your ex isn't dd21 df is that right? So you feel like you can't get any respite from this situation.

But she's 16 and you're thinking of buying her a flat because she's making everyone else miserable?

You need to get her to either buck up or move out on her own. You will only cause more issues buying her a flat.

Can you afford a flat each then for dd2 and dd3? Because they'll expect that.

Namechangermagic - I don't know what your experience with SS is but putting her there from what I can gather is simply not an option, they don't want her, doesn't tick enough boxes.
I love the girl I truely do, I just can't live like this. I've contemplated just leaving and making dickhead come and live in the rented house, he can have everything I don't care. I just want peace

So you think dd1 should get a flat on her own until dd2 moves in with her in 4 years time

You've not really thought this through have you.

Erm would you still get child support for her if she is living independently? Because you would no longer have her as a dependent on your home. I think you would also lose CB and any tax credits too.

DD1 is owed £120,000 at least. And yes the others will inherit the same eventually of course they will

Her dad would still pay child support and she would get more in benefits applying herself directly than I get in tax credits and CB

Thinking it through is what I'm doing now. DD2 is 14 and no trouble so she could move in at 18 if she wants, or not that would be up to her

Why don't you put the eldest in boarding school?

I have thought about that too. Again my concern is money down the drain, I don't have an indefinite supply, an asset is one thing, I certainly wouldn't rent her a flat for example.

I don't think she'd get anything out of it educationally.
It feels like they suck it up, do as they are bloody well told or leave ... Both of which will not make me happy tbh

She may not get anything out of boarding school educationally but she would get an education in how to behave around others and respect other people's space and belongings.

How is she doing academically?

Brilliantly, really really well. She wouldn't cope with sharing facilities etc though. The fucking shower has to be bleached every night for example before she'll go in it.

Well she will learn to clean then wouldn't she. I think boarding school is a great idea. Then she gets 2 years of someone else telling them how to behave also

It sounds like you need help from SS to be honest, OP. Setting her up in her own flat (with a younger sibling?) sounds like a very unhealthy dynamic and I think it would backfire, badly. At 16 she is old enough to understand that you will not tolerate her attitude indefinitely, but I really don't think splitting off the family into two groups and trying to manage them both separately will work.

She cleans it herself, she knows what to do and she knows how to live with other people, she just doesn't bloody want to.
She would never belt DD2 for example because she knows DD2 would belt her back harder, the girl isn't stupid, she has self control etc she is just choosing not to apply it and it's bloody hard living with somebody like that

Trifleorbust - SS have no interest. I've spoken to them with regards to my son drawing her as his unhappy place - they basically said what do you expect us to do

Okay. Look, I would never usually say this but have you seen your GP? Is therapy or counselling for you an option? I really feel there is some deep anger or stress here which goes beyond teenagers scrapping and a 16 year old being a pain in the arse. If you have to tell her to leave because her behaviour is genuinely that bad, then do that, but this flat thing isn't the answer. It's cold and it will only cause a further breakdown in your relationship. She also isn't mature enough to manage in a flat on her own.

This is the thing - she does respect other people's space and things, she would never touch the younger ones things, she just wouldn't dream of it, so she can't comprehend why they would touch hers, which generally they don't anyway but God help us all if they accidently do, the cat jumping on her bed for example is fine. The dog does it and it's world war three for whoever made the mistake of leaving the door open for the poor soul to get out.

Trifleorbust - what would I have counselling for ? I work with GPs and tbh they regularly tell me patients come in and tell them things along this line and the response is that's life crack on. I'm trying to find practical solutions. The way I see it right now the family dynamic due to personality clashes is shit, that surely will improve if each individual is happier ?

You just sound really, really angry and your solutions sound detached from your daughter's needs. I don't want to sound intrusive but my honest response is that there is something going wrong with your bond with her, and/or with your own mental health. And I mean that in the nicest and most supportive way possible. Not many people react to this sort of issue by thinking about putting their teenage daughter into a flat on her own, whilst ruling out other options like a boarding school, which would solve the problem without leaving her vulnerable. Sorry to be blunt.

I look at DD1 and I see my dad who's a fucking idiot tbh. He's made his families life difficult for as long as I can remember, blames everyone for anything that's gone wrong in his life and yet made stupid decisions. His parents were very good to him and yet he doesn't have a good word to say about either of them. DD1 already says when she collects her academy award she'll use her speech to tell the world what cnut I am lol
Hand on heart that girl has had the moon and stars

Send her to live with her dad. Shes 16, still very young, you really aren't going to basically chuck her out?

Trifleorbust that's ok, I do appreciate it. I've stepped back without a doubt because frankly it's the only way I can deal with it.

It's balancing the right thing for everyone, boarding school may well work for her in theory but then that's family money being spent on one, same as rent that there's nothing to show for at the end and DD1 will still need somewhere to live at the end of it and I've £30,000 less in the pot