Splitting up the kids ?

[Pisssssedofff]

Basically DS and DD3 are really close.
DD2 is no trouble at all and DD1 just needs peace and quiet and she's fine too.
I am seriously considering buying a flat for DD1 16 now and DD2 when she's 16 and parking them in it.

Their dad is fucking hopeless.

We are all going around the twist with the fighting, lack of space, lack of privacy etc.

I just hate the idea of splitting them up but it's going to happen eventually right ?

If dd is owed £120k and the other three the same, then you have plenty of money to buy a family home anywhere in the country that's not London.

GrabtharsHammer it's not enough, even with a mortgage to buy much more than a shoe box

GrabtharsHammer. She's owed it, I don't have it, hence getting her the flat and paying the mortgage would be my way of giving it to her

There is no way a 16 year old should be chucked out of the family home. No way.

As much as I can understand you wanting to do this. Please don't.
I know what its like. But it will pass, if nothing else, it will pass when she goes to Uni, & make sure she doesn't live at home
She will have a great time in the flat, she will fill it up with all sorts of "friends" she won't work, she won't follow at school, she won't go to uni.
She doesn't know how to change her sheets? how the fuck is she going to manage living alone ?
There are ways of punishing her, & one of them is silence. Ignore her, don't get in her special food, (she can go & buy it) don't pander to her food fads,
Spend extra time on the others, allow her time on the internet for home work, then cut it off. Don't pay her phone..... Privileges come with good behaviour, She knows how to behave well, & chooses not to around your DCs, She is essentially massively jealous of them.
She will get over it.
(It sounds easy ? It is NOT. I have lived this too)

She's 16.

How has she got to where she is? She's old enough to realise that her behaviour is unacceptable and to explain herself.

But is there something deeper here? What sanctions are there for poor behaviour? Throwing money at the problem offers a practical solution but it doesn't change her behaviour nor does it set a great example for the young ones (basically sends the message that if they piss about you ship them off).

When she is violent to her sibling, what is the consequence? You can listen to her "I understand that you're angry with your sister", and then you remind her it is unacceptable "however there's no excuse for assaulting a child". Tell her what she does if she's annoyed "come and talk to me, do not hurt her because you scare her".
She must understand that she is scaring her sister.
If you have money for rent/mortgage, you have money for therapy for you all as a family.

If she strips her beds etc then she can sort it out herself. Just leave her to it. Telll her how to fix it then leave it. She won't die.

She is bright you say, and is 16, so have you thought about applying to a scottish university ? She could go at 16 if she has good enough marks. Might be worth a shot, that way she would be in university and out in the world to make of it what she can. Sounds like she has deeper anger issues. She should spend time with her real dad, maybe she should go on an extended visit to him, let him deal with her behaviour and it would give you & the other dc breathing space.

CoolCarrie her real dad has never met her. They take them at 16 in Scotland ? With just GCSEs ?

I repeat, no way should a 16 yo be chucked out of the family home. Not to university, not to her own flat. No.

"Chucking out" is the door closing behind you & nowhere to go.

No, it isn't. That is one form of chucking out, certainly, but if your partner told you to leave and that he had a hotel room booked for you, that would still be chucking you out.

You do realise that no landlord let alone estate agent will allow her to live there alone at 16.

I'm buying the flat not renting it

I cannot understand how you can afford a flat with a mortgage and presumably deposit but not somewhere bigger - the phrase more money than sense spring to mind to be honest.

I'm sorry you cannot understand why I cannot afford a £120,000 two bedroomed flat but not £360,000 four bedroomed house, really you can't comprehend that at all ?

I find it very difficult to understand, yes, because it isn't a choice between a two bed and a four bed - at the moment I am assuming you have at least a three bed as you have a mix of boys and girls, and that you wish to buy a two bed.

The space however isn't the issue. It sounds like things have been very difficult for you and quite chaotic.

But you will be paying £120,000 for a flat, £120,000 to another child, rent on current home, plus bills on two properties. If you can afford all that, you could afford to buy a £360,000 4 bed home. Put the £240,000 as huge deposit, plus anything else you have from house sale, then you will have a tiny £100k ish mortgage which will be cheaper than current rent. And bills for just one house

The space absolutely is the issue

So if you had more space you would have a happy daughter? In that case, you need a bigger property!

Right, I have £30,000 tops and at a push can get a mortgage for £90,000 ish. That's it !!!
I can pay £700 a month for the flat, what I cannot do is get what ever mortgage £650 + £700 is because the bank won't give it to me.

Buy a 3 bedroom house with decent parking and a big hedge, buy a little motorhome and plug it into the house electrics and water. That's your 'preparing for independent living at uni' lodgings. Not chucking her out.
It just strikes me that you're within spitting distance of big changes - and a time when you can look to YOUR OWN future as well. It's not a time to be entering into mortgages for places for them to live alone.
She'll be away at uni in less than 2 years, 2 years later the next one will be.

You have at least 1 at home for the next ten years.

friendswithacat. And if I rent a bigger property even for s couple of years DS and I are screwed, that's us renting for the rest of his childhood, which isn't particularly fun and all the money I will ever have in a landlords pocket

I genuinely can't see why you're still on here arguing OP, you've made your mind up.

TotalConfucius. I've found a three bed with a garage to convert which in theory could work but it's just one reception room so it's actually smaller than where we live now.

I've got a headache, I'm turning my phone off for s bit, apologies.