Splitting up the kids ?

[Pisssssedofff]

Basically DS and DD3 are really close.
DD2 is no trouble at all and DD1 just needs peace and quiet and she's fine too.
I am seriously considering buying a flat for DD1 16 now and DD2 when she's 16 and parking them in it.

Their dad is fucking hopeless.

We are all going around the twist with the fighting, lack of space, lack of privacy etc.

I just hate the idea of splitting them up but it's going to happen eventually right ?

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight - he can't/won't have her

Yes, OP, but she is your child. If the only way to make the family dynamic work is to spend some money on it, I think you have to do that. This flat thing isn't going to work. She will feel isolated and completely rejected by you. And she won't be safe.

Good luck.

The other alternative is the others go to their dad whether he likes it or not, but that's pretty hard on me and them

If they can be sent whether he likes it or not, why can't she? Is he her dad?

No he's not

And her dad isn't on the scene?

What about the bills in the flat you buy? Can you afford gas ..electric. .council tax..insurance .... water etc etc in a flat as well?

Can you spend some time with her and explain how her behaviour is impacting the whole family?

Because the other option would be me telling her, she has to leave home at 18 if this doesn't stop. I know younger siblings can be annoying at times ... but your DD cannot continue like this.

Do you have a relative she's likely to listen to? Your mum or a sibling maybe.

This may sound like a bonkers question OP but does she have issues around food?

Could you find a property to buy that has either an annexe or some way of making a self contained flat.

Does she suffer from OCD? With the bleaching the shower.

trufflepiggy - that was a whole other post, she's gone vegetarian and doesn't eat fucking vegetables I kid you not, she will eat fruit and stink smoothies all day long.

No her dad is in Sydney - I'd move there in a heart beat to involve him, she doesn't want to, when I mentioned forcing that to happen I was called a nutter on here.

McWeedie have considered this, basically putting her in a converted garage lol
Or me in there and let them all crack on !

SandyY2K she's going to uni at 18 anyway hence I kind of thought bringing it forward by just 18 months really might give her the peace she wants

Op. Your daughter is not your dad. She's a teenager and a lot of them are similar to her. I'm struggling with ds1 too.

The way you talk about her and your anger and frustration towards her would make it very unlikely for her to respond positively. Her father lives in Australia. She's obviously had a stepfather and thatarriage has also failed AND she has 3 younger siblings and she's a hormonal teenager. Cut her some slack and try and find ways to get through to her. Love bombing or taking a real interest and time in her, even if you think she rejects it, it should make her behaviour better. At the moment, all you're doing us creating a self fulfilling prophecy and alienating her further. Think of all her good points and interests and concentrate on that.

My friend lived at her parents house, they converted the attic to a bedsit. It worked really well. When she moved out they rented out to language students.

At least you wont be chucking money away. When DD goes to uni next DD can move up there.

McWeedie I'm on right move as we speak !!!

I know she's not him, but they are frightenly similar and guess what I don't want is history to repeat itself, I want her to be happy and if that means letting her do her own thing rather than try and make her into something she's not then great ....

This thread is bizarre. If you have all this money floating around for boarding school and buying flats then why dont you just buy a nice big house where she can have her own space?

This thread is bizzare...or a windup

Oh ffs yeah my life's one big joke

I can't get a mortgage for a nice big house I'm on my own with kids, this isn't 2007 a nice big mortgage is impossible.

'Her dad would still pay child support and she would get more in benefits applying herself directly than I get in tax credits and CB'

At 16, she's not eligible for benefits unless she is leaving the care system, is pregnant or disabled or is working at least 16 hours/week. She is your responsibility, not the state's .

You have all this money for flats and boarding schools but not to rent a larger house?

I would strongly suggest you get off right move and don't bring up this plan to your DD. It will hurt her so much and damage your relationship even more, perhaps irreparably.

Have you tried sitting her down and explaining that she is putting you in a position where you cannot see her being able to live at home during uni? That you do not want to throw her out but the violent behaviour is simply unacceptable?

The fact that she bleached the shower and is a vegetarian? Not really persuading anyone that she is a monster

And you seem to be projecting huge issues from your past onto her - she has nothing to do with your dad!

Problematic relations with teenagers are normal, unfortunately.

Trifleorbust. Do you honestly not think I've sat her down, I mean really this is hardly my first thought.

And yes I'm sorry but she is exactly like my dad, it's nothing to do with projecting, that two family members are like peas in a pod is hardly unusual. I just want the outcome to be better for her than him.

Honestly? I don't know, OP. You sound like your priority is to get rid of her, not to sort out the issues. Some of the things you are raising, like her getting angry when the dog gets on her bed or cleaning the shower before using it, or eating fruit, are so trivial that they sound like excuses. I feel sorry for you because you are clearly struggling but I can't help but feel sorry for her as well. I expect most of her acting out comes from the realisation that you simply don't like her very much.