Going on a Bear Hunt - we're going to get through it!

[madamehooch]

As a previous poster on a wonderful thread which has been a real lifeline but which has now ended, this is a new thread for anyone who has been subject to the misery of having an extremely long term relationship (20 plus years ) end. It's a place to find support and congratulations for whatever tiny steps are made and a big non-judgmental hand hold to help us over the inevitable bumps. There will be little LTB on this thread as usually he's already left us (smiling through the pain is always encouraged )😀

Our weekend is now at an end. It's back to school etc tomorrow. We had a really nice day congregating at my daughters house for one of my grandsons birthdays before he went off to the beach with a gaggle of his wee toddler friends for a picnic. It's been a lovely day and I'm now back home for my tea and an early night so I can be on the road at 6.15 tomorrow morning to get to my youngest granddaughters school assembly. School starts very early here, about 7.20.

A possible Manchester meet was mentioned and it just so happens I will be there or there aboot very early in the New Year.

Kirk, that's a marvellous achievement. Well done to you.

Ps - what's a Fellowship?😊

Madame, a hug for you. Xxx

For all of you actually.

I'm just so sorry you're all hurting so much.

Xxxxx

It's a masters type course ! Oh yes let's meet in early new year in Manchester we need to sort a date and a venue and meet for afternoon tea ☕️

Ah ok, a Matters type course. Wow!!!! Which by the way is my reason for being in the vicinity - one of my lot has just completed theirs.

I will send you my dates.

Fab let's do it , we have time to sort it out even if it's just a coffee we will have to put badges on with our Mumsnet names on them ❤️️

Hello everyone. I'm feeling a bit stronger at the minute but still feel like I could crack at any point.

I'm just sick of feeling so fragile all the time.

Count me in for the Manchester meet up (if I'm invited of course!) :-)

I hope everyone has a good weekend.

Of course you are WTAFF it's an open invite to strong women on Mumsnet xxx

Count me in for the Manchester gathering, it's a great city and I had a brilliant time with my oldest friend, even if a lot of time was spent slagging off our respective LCBs!

Can I just ask, and sorry if it's crap, but would any if you have taken DH back and tried again if that had been an option ?

• of you

Misswilla my husband would come back tomorrow and in a way that's been one of the hardest things. I cannot forgive what he did or how he acted six months ago when he was caught up in the excitement of his new relationship and how little he seemed to care about his DC. The temptation to go back to how things were has been huge at times. It would be easy to slip back into old ways but I have realised that so much was wrong in our marriage that I didn't see at the time that I will not do it. Ultimately I know that I am better off without him, even though it's been harder than I could have imagined.

Is this where you find yourself?

Yes, I think it is, but mine came back, and now I feel kind of obliged to stick with it.

I was weak, shocked, devastated. Dcs knew because of how I found out.

It's been a terrible year. More settled now, but I feel stronger and wish maybe had done things differently. But don't want more heartbreak for my dcs.

Still feel like been run over by a truck, though. Together 18 years, married 15.

I would take my husband back tomorrow, but he's happy and loved up with his new barmaid. So it's not an option. I hoped he'd realise the error of his ways by now. But there doesn't seem to be any hope of that ever happening. So for me, I need to get over him and any idea of a reconciliation.
I'm loads better than I was, I couldn't bear to leave the house (for fear of seeing him and her together) , or cope with any mention of his name a month ago. I saw his parents yesterday, and I saw him today, and I was friendly and dignified. I guess it's just time, that's the only thing that heals. X

Feel obliged to stick with it for your children? My DC know what their dad has done and wouldn't expect me to stay with him for them, even my youngest (DD who is 10) knows what he did was wrong and the upset that we have all suffered since has been caused by him. They were both devastated to begin with but I hope I have done enough to make them both realise that they are loved, safe and secure here and that for the most part their life will carry on as normal, just without their Dad being here.

I just couldn't look at myself every day knowing that I had condoned his behaviour by taking him back, which is how ours would have been because he's so emotionally retarded he couldn't come back and rebuild something honest and meaningful. It would be a case of going back to how rubbish things were before.

I don't want to diminish what you are doing at all by taking yours back, that must be so hard. I just know that it wouldn't be right for me and my family, no matter how shit things are at times.

Not a chance, but I have no children to consider and my husband had several long term affairs, not just a brief fling.

I am glad he knows that there is no way I would consider it, as much as I'd love him to beg me just so I could say no.

Miss I am the same after nearly 2 years mine would be back tomorrow , I went no contact with him as the text from him wtf have I done I love you so much , you are wonderful etc etc the best thing that ever happens to me etc etc , I gave him every chance to sort himself out for 4 months after he lied to all of us and kept seeing her, didn't engage in marriage guidance , he wanted his cake and eat it , well sorry but I remember all that pain and I can't forgive it or trust him ever again , not even as a friend now , my friends wouldn't even do that to me . I thought he was my best friend and soulmate well I was wrong he wasn't and yes I was the best thing that ever happened to him and I will be again for someone else when it's my time again . I have learnt so much about me and my morals and principles and I need peace of mind , and now I have it as I trust only me ❤️

I too still won't go shopping near where and they both live , I go shopping near work which is ridiculous I know but I don't want to hurt myself by seeing them together , all this behaviour is allowed though , my parents spilt when I was 16 got back together then spilt again miss I survived that it has been said our kids know if this is what you decide they are safe and loved as was I , both my parents have fab new relationships and their happiness is all I care about , just come here on Mumsnet for support and breathe and think and listen to your inner soul and do whatever feels right for you , not for him , not for the kids , for you only ❤️

Thank you kirk it is so difficult.

If I had no children I'd have run for the hills I think, but would still need to have contact with him and the children would have their lives turned upside down. I made the decision too quickly I think as I had been shattered after the year of the Script, and the revelation just before Christmas.

I do worry now that I've condoned his behaviour and set a bad example to my children by staying and I find it difficult to relax and believe he won't do it again. I have set up my life now so that I could manage without him, but I could never trust anyone else again. It is a classic case of known him for years, were friends first, if he could do this anyone could.

Anyway, don't want to derail this thread, I lurk and see how you are all doing and feel strangely guilty! I think I am a much weaker person than i thought I was.

My children are happy though, no rows/atmosphere. Will give it more time,

Thanks ❤️

About 10 years ago we could have split, he only moved out for a couple of days, but I wanted him back. Then he lied and cheated again.
If I'd been on mumsnet then and shared my story maybe we would have split up then and saved myself years of anxiety and upset (admittedly there were happy times too).

miss my only advice would be, you only have 1 life so do what you can to make it a happy one.

How's everyone getting on with this week? I was actually woken up by my alarm clock this morning - that's unheard of! I am sooooo tired.

Im fine Faffa apart from a stinking cold and bad chest thats had me bed bound since Saturday evening. Im venturing out in a moment though to go to the ATM but thats it for a few days. I find the older Im getting the more a cold etc affects me, Ive had a bout of bronchitis every year now for about 7 years so now I mollycoddle myself when Im not well because its just makes a whole lot of sense. Better 5 days or so of looking after myself than a month of Bronchitis and feeling like death warmed up.

And hooray to the big sleep

Afternoon everyone , all good here having a day of just breathing and thinking about me ❤️

Hello everyone.

Been to my counselling session today and it was a difficult one. Lots of emotion.

I hope everyone is ok.