Sorry just got home. I'm spending the night at my daughters because in my sons very confused mind he thinks if I come off an aeroplane I arrive home at 8.30 in the morning just the way we did when he was well enough to travel. So he thinks I've been in Beirut to visit a cousin who's sick but I've really been in the Uk. He can'tbe told that though because it would do untold damage to him emotionally, it's very much a case of - mama go UK, DS go UK. Anyway I came off another Uk flight tonight because the ideal one was full and I can't go home till tomorrow - but I've already been told my boy (my young man) is fast asleep in the spare room downstairs just waiting for me to arrive with his 2 packets of smarties.
So, this thing about these men deserting their children, even the ones like my darling boy whos severely disabled - It's a bloody killer as you all well know. My husband has seen him 5 times in 3 years for periods of 10 minutes at a time. He sees our grown up children and their children every month or so for perhaps 15 minutes. Amongst other things Its my punishment for calling a halt to the shenanigans that was our life together. It's also my children's fault for not getting on board with him once the dust had settled. They will have no part of his new life. I knew it would happen and I even told my children you are all encouraging me to put an end to the hell we are living but trust me when I tell you that if I do - we won't see your father for dust.
I knew it would happen because you see there are some men/people who have such shallow emotions that they can't even create a proper bond with their children. They just aren't capable of it and the really can just walk away. And do these people ever 'get it' and one day have their regrets? I honestly think not and I know it's helped me a lot when people have said to me he'll regret it one day and Ive been able to say no, he won't, because he's not made that way.
Anyway about 6 months ago my children said to me Mama stop beating yourself up about dad, leave our relationship/lack of a relationship with him to us. You told us this would happen and we'll handle it. We're ok. We know where we stand and more importantly dad now knows where he stands with us - something he never thought would happen.
Anyway to cut a long story short I arranged to meet my husband for one last ditched attempt at getting him on board with our children but it was a waste of time just as I knew it would be. It was horrific to be honest because there was no pretence given how battered this mans ego is because people have stood up to him. He very clearly told me 'I don't want them and I don't miss them. Who do they think they are?
Anyway ladies he's not alone in having the kind of brain that makes forming proper relationships even with your children possible. And to be honest I now just think poor man isn't well, he really doesn't know any better. He is a very damaged soul. it can help a great deal when you stop saying I don't know how he can do this and accept that for some people it's very easy to do.