Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Oh pringle you're upset now but he sounds a bit nobby! Well a lot nobby I agree if he really really wanted long term he could wait a bit.

I promise you'll feel better soon and thank goodness you didn't mooseburger him.

whatever you fancy

I know you're all right. I do. I just think think Mr Two and I would have been great in bed... eventually. It seems so strange that he couldn't see that when it seems so clear to me.

I can't do this anymore. I've given up too much of myself in trying to find a decent bloke - if this is what's on offer, I'm giving up on men.

Sorry for whining so much tonight and thank you all for putting up with me.

Pringle, you may have been great in bed, but only for that one time, and then he would have found a reason to go cold and disappear and you would have felt worse

Bant, I know you're right, logically I do, but I can't remember the last time I felt this awful. One of my friends got engaged earlier today and I'm seeing her tomorrow to celebrate. I think I'm going to be nipping to the toilets to silently cry a lot.

How did I become such a bad judge of character? He seemed so bloody normal!

don't be so hard on yourself pringle
I'm a actually quite proud of you. It would have been much worse if you had a ons.

( why adult male cannot just say it as it is and give the choice to the woman, most of us will no say no if it felt good, right? )
Change App/Site, that thing you are using sounds crap anyway

Oh Pringle. You're not a bad judge of character. Some men are just very good at putting on whatever performance they need to get what they want. You are true to yourself and so much more than he will ever be. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to love and be loved. He is the emotionally deceitful one. The loss of hope/trust is painful though as well as the complete shock. I don't blame you for taking a break. I'm going to take one too until the New Year. Mr beard didn't even have the courtesy to reply to my message so I'm hanging up my dating hat. 6 first dates in a few weeks has been exhausting. I'm going to break out the Xmas chocolate and stuff my face.

Pringle - you don't know for sure it would've been great sex, forget about it, he's just shown that his main driver is/was getting you into bed and then he would've disappeared....which would've made you feel worse!
Go out tomorrow night and celebrate, you never know who you might meet...

You're spot on boxing - why do ( a lot of) men do that? I still remember Mr no commitment, after we'd been having sex for a few weeks, saying 'I suppose I should have told you that I wasn't looking for a relationship before we had sex'- Duh, yes, if you were in anyway decent. There's s lot of them out there. And pringle I'm proud of you too for standing by your values. It would have been easy to compromise yourself and sleep with him but it would have crushed you more.

Pringlecat i slept with a guy very early on.
He told me everything I wanted to hear, made plans, basically I bought his BS.

Next day after we had DTD he failed to reply to my messages.

I felt like shit & I cried. Not because I was upset over him, but because of how he was such a good BS and the fact that I hadn't spotted that. I was upset because I had been duped.

You are not a poor judge of character, these guys are so good at telling their BS and making it sound believable.

And if you fancy a little cry later so be it. You are only human & there's nothing wrong with that.

Sending hugs x

Pringle he wasn't normal, you are.

Many years ago I was dumped as wouldn't sleep with a new man. We met just before a summer break, and didn't see each other in person over the break, and I thought we needed to see each other for at least a few more dates before we had mooseburgers. He thought he'd waited too long. I don’t regret being dumped as know with that type of person would have hurt me at somepoint. Mr Two isn't thinking with his brain but with another body part.

Your date isn't all men. There are plenty that will be more regular. I can understand if you need a week or so having a break. OLD is really tough.

Oh if only these idiotic men knew that there is a secret club here where we talk about them !!!

I like this thread, truths & all it's very comforting to know that we are not all alone in suffering this dreadful online dating malarkey.

Cheers girls

My friend sent this link a while ago, it's on you tube & it's very funny, I'm posting the link to hopefully get some smiles out of us lot

It's about 7 minutes long & it's a true story.

And remember girls... never ever be this girl !!!!!!!

Re my clip below - although it's not funny to laugh at someone who is clearly distressed ... it just shows how emotions can get the better of you & turn you err kinda crazy.

Poor girl, bet she's mortified it's ended up on the net.

Did make me laugh but I'd also say the girl clearly has issues. I will never ever send a second text if the first isn't replied to and I delete the number to make sure I can't. It shouldn't be like that though.
I've given a lot of thought to my behaviour I don't think I've ghosted anyone but I'm going to make sure I make an effort to remember there's a human on the other side of the text too

HI everyone- mind if I join in?

Had made a decision to start OLD after Christmas but for some reason some madness took hold of me on Saturday and I signed up to POF.

No dates so far, but am chatting to a few-well, I say chatting, but it's very hard work with one or two! One guy seemed nice, we definitely had the same sense of humour...but then he started to get a bit suggestive, and I realised that he hadn't actually asked anything about me, or offered any info of his own. Is it bad etiquette to just stop talking to them?

Another one seemed to run out of conversation after talking about what he was having for dinner , so I stopped chatting to him too. Neither man has sent any further messages.

There is one, who is extremely good looking, lovely, honest-but quite intense. I was totally honest with him about what I was looking for, and a little about my history, so I'm waiting to see if he messages back (I think perhaps he won't- he's far nearer the point of settling down with 'the one' than I am)

I've read a lot of this thread and I know it'll go to another soon, so I'm going to go back and try to catch up.

New joiner/lurker here too. I gave up OLD over a year ago (after some pretty gruesome experiences, including what happened to Conway and ghosting), and recently joined Tinder. I have come to the conclusion that the secret to OLD is to have low expectations.
I've chatted to a few and have a first date on Sunday. For the first time every (probably because I have noted the rules and also have low expecations) I am not that nervous. On paper he seems great, but I know the reality can be so vastly different. It is great that this chat is here. Full of useful information.

Hi Shodan and Bernie low or at least realistic expectations do help. Then it's possible to be pleasantly surprised when dates go well.

Ok - I have set up a first (ever!) date for sunday. We had a lovely messgaing chat where he was was really really nice and little bit flirty. but just spoke to him for the first time and he was super nervous and a little bit boring...he also spoke about his divorce and how much it cost him. (a big no no in my book).
I felt like i had to carry the conversation quite a bit.
I felt a little bit invested in this date - but it might just be one to chalk up to experience. Unless he comes out of his shell in person. I actually found t hard to put together the person who chatted online with me with the person I just spoke to on the phone.
Which one is best to trust? feeling a little deflated really.

Rule 5 is trust your gut instinct! From my own experience, I think it is easy to build up a persona of that person in your mind from messaging, and then when you talk/meet them it is so different from what you imagined (dreamed), that it is a disappointment!

trust the voice/phone
most people can be so good with texts

Well people are always funnier behind a keyboard - but also people can be nervous on a first call, and it's also difficult to be yourself with someone you've never actually met in person.

So I'd trust the call-person more than the messages, but maybe a bit of benefit of the doubt in terms of boringness.

The discussion of divorce costs though, that's possibly a no-no

Hello to the new people!

As has been said, follow your gut. You don't owe these men anything, walk away if it doesn't feel right and/or it stops feeling fun.

And don't let people like me put you off. I am still upset from last night, but there are plenty of happily coupled up people out there - I bet you know loads. Don't stop believing in love.

There's also some tucking miserable married people too so don't feel you have to be coupled up either. I think we should have a real or virtual drink