Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I've been stalked too so I don't have much online presence or things connected to one another

Hope you dont mind me asking but what sort of time scale did it take you ladies to get from posting your OLD profile to chatting? I've had several winks, (unfortunately the most persistent winker bears more than a passing resemblance to Rab C Nesbit and hes shorter than me so def a no-no.) and I've sent a couple of messages but nada in return. Am I being too impatient? x

A longstanding follower of this thread... so finally decided to join you, please!
Am I alone in that most of the messages I receive fall into sex chat almost immediately? I respond to their first message to get a reply. "So horny" or they try to make out they are such a gentleman until you get your first whatsapp message. When they want to know the ins and out of your sexual preferences. I'm no prude, but it would be nice to think they would like to meet me for something other than getting straight into my knickers!

I just block anything sexual. But there can be a lot of it. Horny single (or not!) men on a Sunday with a hangover online is recipe for disaster

I tended to go through phases of action and non action
So over the years I might only wait a week after putting up profile and get a flurry of messages other times it's like the Mary Celeste for a few weeks.
During this time I try to reassess whether my profile is eye catching/engaging enough

BaklavaBalaclava Some of the men who message with "hey" do look like the kind of men who have followed me before. Hence the ignoring. But none of the men I've actually engaged in proper conversation have seemed the type. I'm still cagey... I haven't given out my "real" number for one, it's a disposable mobile. If I ever get beyond the first date stage, I might, but I'm not sharing that detail with someone who is still effectively a stranger.

Myusernameismyusername It's horrible, isn't it? I don't know about you, but I now have a really good creep sense. If someone even looks at me the wrong way, it registers and I move accordingly.

Blobby10 It didn't take long, but I've really only had proper chats where a man has sent me a message first. Men who have favourited me haven't done anything about it, so I've forcibly removed myself as a favourite.

Thisisnotwhatiwant I haven't had any inappropriate messages/photos, but I've been filtering out a lot of men and ignoring them!

I do have a rather ample cleavage, so have taken to putting up pics where they aren't so obvious.

I'm not sure what they are thinking... I actually replied to one this week
"I mistakenly thought you were a good guy". He actually replied "I am a decent guy". Then why send a message like that to someone you don't know!

Its just frustrating. I'd just like someone to want to take me out, get to know me.... then we can get down to the fun stuff!

I've had a few stalking absolute nightmares. The first one was kind of my own fault, as I was trying to be kind when ending a dreadful relationship and he just isn't a well person and I kept confusing him with my kindness. It was scary and police involved.

The second time was a bolt out of the blue. He was so clever and cunning I didn't see it could happen when I also ended our very brief dating (about 2 months). He was utterly vile and scary, making up fake accounts, saying nasty things and if he sees me on dating sites he will try contact me still to this day.

Third time was a married man and it was also awful. I wasn't scared but I was exhausted by it. It took over my life for months. I wish I had told his wife I think it would have ended sooner. He was a real life stalker.

I kind of hibernated more and more since these incidents and I'm always on my guard

I deal with the sleaze by calling it out if the mood takes me with something burning like 'do you think I am an escort? Pretty disrespeful language' type stuff or I will just simply say

'Sorry not interested'

Stalking usually tends to come with rejection, so it's advised not to allow people all kinds of details about you.
I do have FB but few friends and family and it's private and locked. I have no personal contact details or where I work on there. I also make sure location is turned off on things like messaging.
I do not have my online status on whatsapp and it's not connected to Facebook. I don't even have my surname on my whatsapp title. I don't let people come to my house until I trust them more and I don't tell people my whereabouts for the same reason unless I feel I can trust them.

Each time with my stalkers I was too nice initially and didn't want to be a bitch. They exploited this part of my personality

Just spotted a profile blurb which is a perfect match. Have sent him a message, let's see if he bites.

Today I am going to actively message men who are not Mr Wildcard or any of the others. Fresh start.

I would have had no objection to a proper meeting with Dr guy as I have no objection to casual meetings.

but up to his old tricks of asking me out last minute....why would I want that considering what happened last time? Its been nearly a week and I havent replied to him since his invitation.

Afternoon all. I thought I'd check in and say hi - you've all been very busy!

The meeting of 31 and teenager went well and they got on and had a bit of a natter. We ate pizza and watched a dvd together, it was a really nice evening. I'm trying not to be freaked out by the fact he was born in 1985!!

Came to check in but realised this was for online dating. Is that different to off line dating?
I fear I have invested too much too soon and wondered how to back track.

It's for any dating
What's happened?

Mrsfluff Sounds very cosy, lady...

AtSea1979 Any dating. Although none of us are experts in either let alone both!

Aintthat thanks for good wishes. Only have an hour to go. V nervous eek!

Mrs Fluff, ignore age and enjoy. He sounds lovely.

Pringle if this date goes wrong I'm tempted to message out instead of waiting. Please post how it goes!

I will try to be more selective too, but on paper Mr Professional should be ok. Trying to find genuine men can be tricky

Ooh lilac it will be fine

I am meant to be having a brief encounter with Shy today although it's not very clear cut with times as he has children to drop off and such like but frankly I am all kinds of hot and bothered and a 10 min happy moment would suit me

Had a look at Coffee Meets Bagel. Different men to POF, but some of them are the "I practically built an orphanage with my bare hands during my gap year" brigade, which is off-putting in a whole different way. You are restricted to a few men a day and there's hardly any profile info, so it's really just picture based.

Now off to give Bumble a go. There must be a decent pool of men somewhere! Somewhere!

A new thread ... blimey! Already

I need to catch up on the last few pages of 109 and then this one. But hopefully everyone is ok?

I'm still trying to get over the Toyboy situation ... even though I made the right decision, I miss talking to him. Stupid whatsapp, and talking to someone all day every day

Well I've been OLD for ten years and a string of disasters later. I met someone last month who wasn't OLD, early days to say whether it's any better!

Thanks lilac, he is lovely. It was cosy Pringle

Myuser, enjoy your brief encounter

Ah Looby, just because you know it was right, doesn't make it easier x

Well, I can report back that there are some cure guys on Bumble, but not very much profile information so I have no idea how to start a chat. Seriously, how do you (virtually) go up to a stranger and start talking when you have no idea what if anything you have in common? On Bumble, once you get a match, it's the woman who starts talking.

loobyloo1234 The right decision isn't always the easy one...

AtSea1979 How are things going?

pringle I've never tried bumble so can't help you but will file it incase this one doesn't work out.
I'm not sure how things are going, which says a lot! It's a slow burner. I started seeing him at the end of sept. It's my bday tomorrow and he spent last night here and didn't even get me a card which has left me feeling quite disappointed, maybe I allowed myself to get a bit too excited and invested and expected too much but I was hoping for a card and was curious what gift he would come up with...nothing.

I just got asked out by a 30 year old and I'm 55, no thanks I'm not into GILF play :-(