Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

rosie I've had 3 of these in a row lately. Pretty sick of it now..

I feel your pain girls , do you think these guys are not keen on having a partner at Christmas , save themselves some money lol .
Begining to think dating on the run up to Christmas is harder work than usual .

I've had one go silent on me. The only one that seemed normal, and had been messaging regularly.

Other than that the messages are all from men I've no interest in. I'll give it till tomorrow and if no positive response I'll shut down my account for a while. Not worth the hassle.

Rosierose98 Mr Sporadic still hasn't told me where we're meeting today. I figure I'm justified in ignoring him. TBH, I was looking for an excuse not to see him today.

If there's a gap in arranging to see a guy, I suspect any going silent means he's had a better offer. Or decided he's not over his ex. Multiple dating makes things complicated... And it's apparently normal these days.

Buymeamojitonow Ha! I had the same thought the other day!

faffalotty Ah, sorry to hear that. If you're not having fun, a break is a good idea.

Are we waiting for an update from Evilwater? This thread moves quickly!

An interesting read from our friend Mr Hussey at www.whyhesgone.com. (Some form filling and clicking required to get to the PDF, I didn't want to post a long extract due to copyright.)

Ever been to a personal trainer who immediately wants to sign you up for the next 10 sessions before you’ve even had one? Ugh.

So true.

what's the point to arrange a sunday coffee ?
once they get their friday / saturday shag everything else is forgotten

and good morning

so evil has gone missing that should be a good sign

what lastnicknamefree & remembe said
"If you are searching for the right one - you should not be sleeping with the wrong ones. it is skewing your opinion. If she isn't right - why sleep with her? If she isn't right - tell her so and let her go on friendly terms."
spot on :-)

so we create a world where we all have to shag the one we don't like and save our virtue with the one we do

one would have hoped things had moved along since grandmother advice

BoxingHelena It was meant to be a Sunday lunch. It's nearly 11pm and I still look rough, even if I wanted to, I couldn't beautify myself in time to meet him. Men have no idea how long it takes... I scrub up well, but it's not a quick process!

I agree, if you want a quick shag and you can emotionally distance yourself enough to not invest, then fine (assuming both parties want the same no-strings sex). But if you are looking for something more meaningful, don't sleep with everyone person who offers it, focus on the hunt to find someone who you click with in every way. And then shag them.

Another (male) viewpoint on disappearing..I've done it and had it done to me.. sometimes I need time to think "am I really into her" other times I'm thinking "if she's into me she'll get back to me"...nothing worse than sending 15/20 messages and to still not be sure!
Last one on OKC has two young DCs 6/3 and 6 months out of a marriage split "life's too short and I want have some fun" to me that says no commitment and up for a FWB arrangement...but then I'm pretty crap at 📖 between the lines!!

genuineguy Definitely sounds like she wants something fairly casual - not necessarily FWB, but quite possibly. 6 months out of a marriage split, she probably just wants to feel wanted again.

Morning all.

I have been suffering at the hands of Whatsapp - so need some help! Can I delete a contact from Whatsapp but not delete them from my phone ( if that makes any sense) or failing that, how can I turn off the 'time last seen'?

I've been really obsessing over mr no commitment all week. Feel slightly more rational about it this morning. I think it's a combination of things- lots of dud first dates which I've then compared to my first date with him, bumping into his ex and kids a lot, and there was an event this week that we'd got tickets for so I half expected to hear from him ( though didn't). Then I was looking on Whatsapp for a neighbour's number and saw mr no commitment had uploaded a photo- he hadn't previously and we never used it to contact each other. I clicked on the photo because it looked intriguing ( it wasn't a photo of him) and that suddenly brought up the info of when he was last online. Embarrassingly, I keep checking it now and each time I do it hurts me ( I'm imagining how he's moved on, new partner etc). So I need to find a way to stop myself. I don't feel quite ready to delete his number from my phone for some reason but I'd like him to vanish from my Whatsapp list. Any tips?

I'm going on another first date this afternoon and thinking I'm not really in the right headspace.

There is a guy called Evan Marc Katz and he blogs some pretty interesting stuff, his theory is to ''mirror'' men in their behaviour and he thinks that is a pretty good way of gauging their intentions, I do try that but it all goes to pot when I really like someone, damn me He did a very interesting e book called why he disappeared which is a good read, but it really does boil down to them just not being into you, sometimes it is nothing to do with us and its all to do with them and the headspace they are in at the time. My favourite iron Mr Smiley is deffo doing a slow fade, but I am philisophical, I am not getting hung up on it, I am the prize and all that

Morning all,
Update:
I went to my works thing. That was fine. We then went to the local drinking places and met up with mr friendzone. It turns out I'm getting older and the prospect of being in a noisy club/bar packed to the brim isn't t for me.
Moose burgers happened, and it was pretty bad. I broke him, and everything was too sensitive for him, and I was doing all the forplay, the only time I my orgasm was with my toy. I was even thinking about mr so unsuitable just to make things a bit more pleasant. There was no 'rounds' and I feel this is the nail in the coffin. For me good sex is a deal breaker. I have a high sex drive and I need someone to, well keep up.
He kept making sound effects, and he's not the best looker. He is a nice bloke! But just not the one for me.

I dropped him off at the station this morning.
I've never ditched a guy before, and I'm I have no idea where the start. I can't say to him that he's not man enough in bed, it would crush his confidence.

Any advice would be welcome.
We talked on the phone for a while had one date, one meet, and last night.

Oh I'm on my phone, which is why my spelling and grammar is bad.

Hi everyone waves

Have been lurking on this thread with interest. It's nearly 3 years since I split up with my ex and I think I'm finally ready to give OLD a go.

Anyway, signed up to Bumble last night as it seemed a less intimidating place to start than POF or Tinder. Have several matches today.... But I need to send the first message! I have no idea what to say, honestly. Is there a template for these things? What does everyone else do?

RockStonePebble I say something based on a line in their blurb or a photo. If they haven't written anything and/or have no interesting photos, I don't match with them.

Evilwater Hopefully one of the men of this thread will give you some advice! My last ex still thinks I'm a nutter for ending things, but apart from all the trivial reasons he knows about, we just weren't compatible in bed. I'll go to my grave without telling him that, it would really shatter his confidence and I still half-like him as a human being.

Clawdeen What about blocking on WhatsApp? Would that help you?

Hello.... I'm back. Still seeing Mr a Tinder who is lovely, BUT....

I got an email today from OKC with an 87% match and it was my ex.... Mr No Commitment. It totally threw me. I felt sick. And to make things even worse, he has used a photo I took of him on holiday as his profile pic. So essentially he is looking really happy and chilled and smiling at ME....

Totally broke me

I'm early 40s last

rosie - from my perspective, as men are goal oriented then we go through several steps. First, approach a woman and get them to answer, secondly find out if they're worth meeting and prove they're worth meeting themselves. Third get them to agree to a date. Then meet, then see if meet again etc.

The problem is, once you've asked them out and they've said yes, then that goal is achieved and.. What do you talk about in the meantime..? I mean, if everything up until now has been tying to get them to say yes, then once they've done that then the next goal doesn't start until the date itself.. So there's nothing to talk about

It doesn't bode well for a potential relationship though, if someone will only talk to you when they want something.

Oh, Crazycat1980. I can't imagine how awful that must have felt.

It says a lot that the happiest photo he could find to draw in women was a memory of spending time with you. You have so much to offer. Not to him though.

Massive hugs crazycat.

Evil - honesty is the best policy. But be kind. I would say something like. I really enjoyed our time together and I like you - but there wasn't enough chemistry for me.

That won't beat up his ego any more than it probably already has been.

Evil - same as others have said, it's better to say something especially as mooseburgers have been served. Don't use lack of performance as a reason, most men have insecurities about that anyway!! You'll scar him for life!!😃
Lack of chemistry, it's not you it's me kind of thing!!

genuieguy do I phone? Or see him face to face?
He will probably phone tonight, and I haven't got the balls to crush what ever confidence he has left. He hasn't got aIot of confidence to start with and I seem to be the best thing going for him at the moment.
I know the wording will be essential.

Could I just say I'm not over my last guy?