Online dating...... where have all the good men gone? Thread 110.

[Evilwater]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

crazy that is awful; it must be painful. What an idiot.

evil yes the not enough chemistry line sounds a 'good' option or we're looking for different things. Not easy though, good luck

pringle I tested it by blocking another contact on Whatsapp but that seemed to delete the person from my contacts on my phone. I'm not ready to delete him entirely ( goodness knows why). Am so technically incompetent that I don't know how to get rid of him on Whatsapp or turn the time thing off. That time last seen function is messing with my mind.

Went on date with Mr Beard. He was v sweet but v quiet. He works with refugees and is really politically switched on and knowledgeable. It was interesting but I felt a bit ignorant and that my conversational gambits were much more superficial. Not helped by having childcare headaches- had to dash off early as my eldest was suddenly being dropped back earlier than planned. It must have looked like a pre arranged escape clause. I think I would like a second date but I've no idea how it went so will have to wait and see.

Evil - phone is best...if he's that insecure a face to face may end up in tears!! 😃

Claw - you'll feel better for deleting him...

I'm not having many responses online...what do you look for in a profile? Is it 95% pictures and 5% summary?
What the best photos to put up?
I admit I'm pretty unphotogenic!'

Oh no. Just had a text arrive from Mr Sporadic. Looks like he sent it in the morning and it's only just arrived. I assumed he had flaked on me, but it was my phone.

Now starting to wonder what other messages I've missed...

genuineguy I'm more about the blurb. I want to check the guy can write properly, that we have things in common and that he has some element of personality to him.

I use the photos to check he's not super sporty or covered in tattoos.

I hate having my picture taken , don't like any I've got . I've put one on that's not to close up and one that's bit further away again .
I love profiles though , dismiss any with no information , lazy . Want an honest profile with a bit humour and something that someone would want to message you about - your likes and dislikes .
Example :
I love f1 , not a fan o Lewis Hamilton - have listed this therefore a get lots of like minded f1 fans giving their opinions - it breaks the ice and leads to great conversations

Thanks genuine I know you're right. I don't know why I can't bring myself to delete him. It's ridiculous when I think how anxious he made me.

I do look at pictures but don't rely on them that much. My OLD experience so far has suggested that b&w profile photos are to be avoided! I do also avoid those that are over weight or any that aren't smiling. In a profile, I look for height ( though nearly everyone I've dated has exaggerated that) and just to get a general feel. I avoid any with text speak or too many emoticons or anything that comes across too wild/zany/'look at me'. So something that seems normal, calm and likely to be drama free. Having said that, I am getting v v little interest on GSM so perhaps my profile is too bland and not 'look at me' enough. The same profile on OKCupid is getting lots of messages but 90% from overseas/married men/fetishists. It's tough isn't it.

pringle oh no! So mr sporadic would have thought you'd stood him up?

whatsapp account / privacy settings / switch off last seen option
in fact switch every notification alert
also check who see your status (everybody, contact, none)
and your photos (everybody, contact, none)

trivia tip
if you switch everything off and none - to people will look like you have blocked them, its hilarious the msg you get then while they try to figure out ;-)

boxing thank you! Much appreciated. Will give it a go

genuineguy I always look at the face of the pictures and make sure they match. Then I look where the pictures are taken. I prefer out doors because the natural light. I look in the background a lot, looking for anything odd.

Normally mr friend has texted, but he hasn't. Please let him ghost me! I get the feeling he will cry no matter if it's in person or on the phone.

pringle oh no!

genuineguy I look for a solid photo of just the person, a photo of them doing something interesting and a descriptive blurb in good English. Group photos are ok but you run the risk of women not knowing which one is you or liking the look of your mates better!

I went on a third date with the scientist chap on Friday. His choice of restaurant this time (very good choice) and then we went for a walk with a lot of rather public kissing He's an amazing kisser though and we had a good time. 4th date isn't going to be for a week and a bit as we're both busy but we'be already booked a few days away together after Christmas. At this point I know I need to drop my other two irons; any ideas on how to do it? I don't really want to ghost, it doesn't seem fair.

I look at the eyes

clawdeen you welcome. I'll be now looking very suspiciously at any happy beach snap.....taking notes here

ThomasRichard just tell them the truth, you are going to give someonee a chance

Clawdeen Evilwater Well, sort of. We'd agreed on some time on Sunday afternoon but not when and not where, so there wasn't an actual pre-agreed time and date for me to stand him up for. But yes, a little bit shitty. I feel bad... but his text genuinely didn't reach me until the evening. And I've had signal all day!

In other news... I'm so excited about seeing Mr Two tomorrow!

Having now broken the two-date curse, any advice on what to do on a third date?

I've never really "dated" before, just accidentally ended up in long-term relationships with male friends.

Really excited for you pringle! No third date tips here I'm afraid. I've only made it past date 2 with 1 iron from OLD and he stood me up on date 3!

Pringlecat .... really excited for you.
Please update us how it goes.
Not heard a peek from the one whom I was meant to be meeting today.

Unfortunately I have been stalking him on POF and I haven't seen him online since the day he went silent.

Getting lots of messages etc but they are all from undesirables... and young uns... like 10/15 years younger ffs... I'm 36 .. I do not want to date someone who I'm old enough to be their mum!

Rant over.

All fingers & toes crossed for you Pringlecat

Rosierose98 Speaking as someone who was supposed to be meeting someone today and went silent, there may have been a technology issue at play... Did you message him to check, or were you waiting for him to contact you?

My preference is also around my age or a little bit older, but one of my friends is deliriously happy with a man who is... I want to say 8?... years younger than us. I wouldn't let age be the only deciding factor.

Hope you get some new, hot, age-appropriate irons soon!

I sent him a Kik message last night Pringlecat asking if he could confirm meet up.... no response & I saw it had been read. So yes definitely need to forget about him.

And re the age... one of my friends is happily living with a guy 11 years younger than her ( she's 35 ) they are trying for a baby etc, so yes maybe I should consider the younger ones!

I don't know what it is but im getting lots of interest from mid 20 year olds ... they seem to like older women** these days.

Hmmm will see, although not holding out any hope.

My friend has a POF date this week, so I'm excited for her too : )

Anyways, back to sifting through the POF undesirables ha.

I would like to add that I met my last ex through POF, it lead to a 6 month relationship, he was 46, really lovely guy, treat me like s princess & he definitely made me feel like prize .. but sadly I didn't feel that it was going anywhere long term & had to break it off with him, he was very upset.

So I know POF is awful, but I've had good experiences from it in the past.

Thanks guys and pringle I love that perspective. In a way it is closure.

Lots of good dating news over the weekend.

ThomasRichard I would def be honest. A guy did that to me before a second date and I didn't mind. Much prefer that to bring messed about. The next one made lots of excuses about being busy after a second date and that really annoyed and confused me

Urgh, had to report a guy to POF last night. Was all going really well, ended up chatting over whatsapp. I didn't reply for a few hours as I went out without my phone and came back to 3 messages from him on POF, 6 whatsapp messages and 3 texts. All saying the same sort of stuff. Told him that it was not okay to do that and that I am under no obligation to actually reply to him. He apologised and explained about his ex going quiet blah blah blah.

We carried on chatting about what we do etc , he asked about my daughters age etc then started asking for more details about her, asked for some photos I said that I wasn't comfortable sending any as I didn't even know him which pissed him off. Anyway I ended up blocking him on everything and reporting him to POF. Just got a really creepy vibe from him and then he started asking so many questions about my daughter - nope! Not okay.

ark that is really creepy. In a way though thank goodness he showed his true colours before you met him. Well done for reporting him. He sounds dangerous.

Not heard anything from my date yesterday. I'm guessing he's not that keen but he was quite quiet/shy and my sudden exit due to childcare might have given him the impression I'm not interested (clutching at straws!). I'll message him tonight I think if I've not heard anything but it would be nice to have a bit of enthusiasm from an iron for once!

Well just when I thought a shit weekend couldn't get any worse. Had a little FaceTime chat with bloke is been chatting to, not met yet though. Jokingly said what do you want for Christmas ... He replied can you give me the cash so I can buy myself what I want, I'm super broke I'll give you my account details, when do you get paid 😳 I take it as he's super broke he's not planning to get me anything. I've just blocked him, beggars belief though doesn't it !