Thanks for your thoughts re my counsellor, I did raise my eyebrows when she said that. I don't know what type of counsellor she is, she is from a charity organisation near me and so it's only £5 per session for me to attend. But I am going to apply for an alternative as I think she might be a bit bonkers.
Had one of those days today. DD1 had gymnastics where parents can stay and watch. All fine. DD2 and DD3 had an extracurricular activity this morning, the timing of these work beautifully so I can drop all 3 of them off and then pick them all up again no bother. Except this week, as I had a meeting for DD1's extra curricular, which ran across both sets of classes. Lots of frantic texting and my brother saved the day. I sucked it up, as we all do, and moved on.
But I noticed all of these dads turning up to all of these classes and supporting their children whilst I tried again to do it all single handed. Felt very much like a single parent today.
But the crux is DD1 needs to attend an additional Saturday morning session to pass her extracurricular exams. There is a lot of cost associated, which I am fine with. But I know WN will go mad on the weekends he deems to see them (once a month usually), as this would mean he can't pick them up on Friday evenings, and will instead have to make it a day later on Saturdays. This is not about wanting to spend time with them, it's more that it is convenient for him as its closer to work and so its shorter distance to pick them up. He regularly pressurises them to change their plans, not attend parties, miss their clubs for his convenience. This happens every single time. He doesn't see why they do any extra curricular activities at all, and thinks that 'back in my day we didn't have any of these clubs and we were fine'.
But ffs. I want my children to enjoy these things, and I want my daughter to have a head start with her education. I went to a crappy school and worked hard and did ok for myself- its the reason I can support 3 children alone. So I want my children to have some opportunities to better themselves that wouldn't mean relying on any potentially shitty partners if (god forbid) they ever found themselves in that situation.
I know he will make it hard for DD1 to attend a Saturday morning class, even if its just once a month that he sees her. If she misses classes I have to pay (which is not great but of course its understandable and is fine) and she will have to attend catchup sessions, which is just a bit shit for her. The fact that her dad is deliberately withholding cash from us (hence the court hearings) makes it tough. A decent dad would give money so their children can do activities, and would support the children with these by coming to watch, or even asking the children about how they are doing with these.
DD2 won a prize for most improved student today - she is only 7, she was so happy and proud of herself, as was I! WN will probably never even know that she won that. He simply doesn't ask, and as DDs are still quite young, they don't remember to say when he calls them once a week. I don't tell him as we are NC.
I'm sad but not surprised! My lovely girls are happy anyway - they don't seem to miss his presence at all anymore and it's only been 2 years since we split. Onwards and upwards we all go.