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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's left hand holding needeed

464 replies

Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 08:46

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

OP posts:
magoria · 04/11/2016 18:16

God don't have it out with her.

You will come across as a deranged controlling bitch who hates her guts perfectly as he has (probably already) described you. She is just a selfish cow happy to lap up his attention.

This is down to your H and your H alone. He is the one treating you with contempt not giving a shit for your feelings.

You deserve better.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 18:16

That's what I think but he just thinks I am barking mad and trying to stop him having friends

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Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 18:20

I am not going to have it out with her. It's him who has ignored the fact i am uncomfortable with text and the secrecy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 18:26

He can't or won't even slightly see my point of view and hasn't offered any compromise the way i feel at the moment is I want him to delete and block her no. She can text dd about the horse pfft.

OP posts:
Simonneilsbeard · 04/11/2016 18:26

He absolutely knows what he's doing. He's deliberately gaslighting you here, anyone who texts back 'ooooh naughty girl' in response to a picture knows exactly what they are saying.
That's flirty af, he knows it, she knows it and you know it!

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 18:38

He's shown that message to dd about the pic and she says it just a bit of banta and I am over reacting

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Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 18:40

She says that was the only bad text and it was just joking

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Simonneilsbeard · 04/11/2016 18:52

How old is your daughter? I don't think it's very fair of him to be bringing your daughter into it at all! That's pretty shit tbh
'Banta' or not he needs to shut it down because you've said you aren't happy!
He's disregarding your feelings here and that is the issue.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 19:01

Dd is 15 she had text him saying he was out of order for leaving so he was proving his innocence to her I think

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Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 20:03

I was trying to keep it between us so am a bit annoyed he showed her his phone

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Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 20:06

I haven't heard from him since he left but then I haven't contacted him either

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Pisssssedofff · 04/11/2016 20:13

She's a nutter and he's a typical middle aged twat that's having his ego stroked by the pshycho. Chuck him out and make him
Coming crawling - and really really make him suffer if he comes back or else he can sling his hook, it's no loss.

ohdearme1958 · 04/11/2016 20:20

OP, I posted on your other thread. I suspect you know deep down inside things have been over for a while, his excessive drinking for a start, and you are now really scared. Just let him go. Just let him go and start making you're own happy ending. Life really is too short to hang on in there hoping that one day it would all work out.

It takes two hands to clap. And that's not both of your hands.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 21:44

It's very hard though we have be together 22 years since I was 17 and have 2 kids who adore him

OP posts:
Pisssssedofff · 04/11/2016 21:47

It's never easy, it really really isn't. The kids will still adore him no matter what. Do you adore him ?

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 21:59

I must feel some thing or I wouldn't be feeling jealous which is so not like me

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Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 22:38

Still nothing from him bet he's been texting her or is in the pub while I've been trying to act normal for the kids

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Pisssssedofff · 04/11/2016 22:55

What you are feeling will turn from hurt to rage. Don't let these pair humiliate you, look st the game he's playing already. Does it feel
Like he loves and cares for you and the children right now ?

magoria · 04/11/2016 23:03

You need to tell her that you and her dad love her BUT

Your DD does not know everything that has happened and it is not right for her dad to get her involved nor for her to pass comment on what she thinks of your behaviour without all the facts.

It is for the pair of you to work out one way or another. It will not affect how either of you feel about her.

aleC4 · 05/11/2016 07:33

Op I was you 6 months. My dh had struck up a friendship with a woman he worked with. It started as a few casual mentions of her name, then the fb messages started, every night, giving her and her children lifts to work/school, jobs round the house for her. I have never known someone have so many broken boilers/toilets etc. Then he would be gone for hours.
We went out together a few times - us, our kids, her and her kids. I didn't dislike her but I didn't take to her.
After a couple of months I tackled him about the fb messages as by then it was all night every night. He insisted nothing was going on, they were just friends but were on the same wavelength and 'got' each other!
Fast forward to August this year and after a week away on holiday he suddenly drops the bombshell that he's leaving me after 15 years of marriage and 2 dc 11 and 9. No-one else, he just didn't feel the same about me any more and couldn't pretend any more. Several people asked him outright at the time if there was anyone else, he said no.
Two weeks ago while out bowling with the kids, he told then him and her are a couple now. I know he will always maintain that it started after he left but I am not stupid.
Tread very very carefully op. If your gut tells you something is going on you are probably right unfortunately.

ohdearme1958 · 05/11/2016 07:35

OP I understand. Really. I Seperated from my husband almost 4 years ago after 36 years, 5 children, and then 4 grandchildren.

Does it mean much about your feelings for your husband that you feel jealous? No, it doesn't. You can be jealous just because you know it's the end of the road. But I'm sure others can explain that much better than I can right now - I'm just off a very long flight and in the back of a taxi.

Im sorry you're going through this but please believe that life really is too short for hoping things will just work themselves out one day.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 05/11/2016 09:04

He's just been to pick up dd for the stables I asked him not to discuss it with her and he agreed

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Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 05/11/2016 10:16

Today's mission is to try and eat something despite feeling sickly because of all this. My heads banging through lack of sleep. I just feel terrible today

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 05/11/2016 10:23

Yes, definitely eat, emotional upset is exhausting, little and often is the way.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but it can't continue, and he's not going to stop with this ridiculous level of contact, so I think he needs to stay gone.

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