He's left hand holding needeed

[Alfiemoon1]

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

He just doesn't get how his behaviour has affected me and our marriage

Alfie open your eyes-- he just doesn't care.

What inlector says.

Unless he is blind and deaf he has seen and heard exactly how hurt you and DC are.

He really doesn't care unless it affects him. He came back home to his previous life. No changes. Not one single hardship for him. He is fine.

All he has lost is v has decided she doesn't want him.

Just had dd mock exam results so proud of her she has well and now comes the rant she has got great grades could be better. She was dealing with dh leaving in a so called Iam just digging my heels in over blooming horse arrangements that's dd didn't want and her dad not speaking to her over horse arrangements at the time. So I am proud of her mentioned it to dh and he said I will speak to dd and I might of guessed u would blame me and my non existent affair. Ffs accept some responsibility for your actions u involved dd you put your so called friendship with v above your marriage and kids. Sorry but he makes me so mad with this whole I've done nothing wrong but have a friendship crap. How and why is he still able to make me so angry over all this ????

You know why.

All you are doing is going round in circles without any resolution. He won't do anything so unless you are prepared to either try therapy (to see if you can move forward without any effort from him) or give the ultimatum and then follow through with it, nothing will change.

PS. Congrats to DD!

I don't even know what the resolution is anymore. He has begrudgingly deleted her off facebook why didn't I just ignore his stupid text why did I drag everything up again and make things worse? Still no mention from him about the passcode situation? I don't know how to stop nit picking about things. I was stressing the other day about dm having to have dc and picking dd up from the yard. She was giving me grief so I dragged up the whole him offering to get up for v horse issue again. I wish I could erase my memory and feelings

He ranted at me the other day i don't know what more u want or how to help u anymore of course talking wasn't an option he went to watch tv in a sulk. How do I draw a line under all this and move on with or without him I am doing my own head in. He loved pottering about the yard but won't go now except with dd out of fear of me kicking off as the time he goes is the same a v. On the one hand I miss his enthusiasm about the horse but on the other whenever he has to go I feel stressy about it I don't mention it to him. He has told dd he isn't allowed to go that isn't the case I want him to go I expect him to make polite conversation with her I can't help feeling he is making this more difficult than it needs to be and it makes it harder on me

he is deflecting all his guilt onto you to make you think you have been unreasonable.
The issue that started this whole episode has never been resolved fully and from what l read he is not making any effort to resolve it.

What a horrible atmosphere for your poor DD to be living in

My sister had a bump in her car so needs borrow one for work while hers goes in. The simple solution would be her to use his car him take mine to work then I have a car in the day time to take dd to the yard to bring the horse in. I won't drive his as it's to big. Oh no that would be to easy he is insisting she takes my car he will go after work to muck out and I will have to ask someone to bring our horse in. The lady who usually does it when we can't isn't there either so I will have to get someone else. I am sure they won't mind but I am like use my car go to muck out anyway I have no problem with it as long as he doesn't go making horse arrangements me and dd aren't happy then kicking off when I politely text v to change it as long as he doesn't start the secret phone calls the deleting texts the pair of them slagging me off again creating a whole dh and v against me and dd. Really wish he could understand what the real issues are which is how his actions have made me feel that he put his friendship above his marriage and that I feel insecure and find it hard to trust him which is still an issue while he's being weird over his phone.
He doesn't need to inconvenience me and others just so he can go and shit shovel yes he enjoys doing that and used to go even when v wasn't there

I don't even care if he's using his phone for porn as long as it's not webchats or dating sites etc if he is being loving and making an effort like he did briefly then I don't mind but when that stops and he changes his passcode it makes me think he's up to something. I don't want to be constantly checking his phone I just want the reassurance that I have access to it and he's not hiding anything

Are you ever going to give him a chance to make up though? Every day you rant on here and sound so wound up I can't imagine anyone would find it easy to approach you in a loving manner. If you're constantly on the attack /defensive he will most likely shut off listening and keep his defenses up too - I know I probably would if a subject kept being raised again and again.

You know how he will react but continue with the same methods and you're getting nowhere. If you don't want to try again and can't move past the resentment you really have to call it a day now and stop putting your entire family through what sounds like an awful stressful atmosphere.

V is cut out now yet you're still obsessing about her. The petty issues surrounding the horse are taking over your life. Is a pet horse worth all this shit?

I bet if you tried being friendly, not talking about v, the yard etc he would feel able to get closer to you again and could very well accept fault in his friendship with her, and possibly even apologise. I can't see this ever happening while you continue to did fault in everything he does.

I'm beginning to think you are enjoying the constant drama a little too much.

I understand what u are saying happy although I am not enjoying it at all. I tend to put my feelings on here rather than discuss them at home we are being civil to each other so there isn't an atmosphere at home. V isn't constantly being mentioned to him i simply Said i don't want him to think he isn't able to go to the yard.
I still have issues about his phone but haven't mentioned it recently as he knows my feelings about it
I just can't seem to stop Going over and over it in my mind and the slightest thing triggers it all of and I agree this has been blown all out of proportion which I know only me can sort out so I have got my prescription for my ad and have made an appointment to see a counsellor in the next few weeks
He is not being an arse over not lending my sister his car he thinks it has a fault and she doesn't fit in it she is extremely overweight and it has a central console that gets pushed out of line when she uses it I need to stop thinking the worst in him he wasn't trying to be difficult and inconvenience me but at the same time he could of told me why instead of just refusing to lend it to her as it seemed the most logical solution

But you just explained perfectly clearly why he didn't want to lend your sister the car yet you still found fault about it here on this thread. Although he clearly hasn't covered himself in glory, you need to stop slagging off over every little thing he does. If I feel like that, I can't imagine how much he thinks he can't do anything right. When you back him into a corner like that he will (and has) give up trying to do the right thing.

You say you're not bringing it up, but post very regularly saying you have had a go about the phone, V, the yard or something related. Even if you maintain you're not discussing it again, when you go over the situation on here you must be wound up and in a bad mood again, and that will affect how you behave towards him.

Do you really want this to work? You've been together long enough to put this into perspective surely? Unless you have a lot more incidents of unreasonable behaviour over the years that haven't been mentioned.

How has your relationship been in general over the years? Has it always thrived on arguments and making up, or is the current stalemate a new phenomena that you both struggle to end? Neither of you can be happy this way and it isn't healthy for your kids.

How has your relationship been in general over the years

The OP has said its not been great but she always hoped they'd get their happy ending but, I think the husband decided his happy ending was going to involved having his cake and eating it or setting up with V when it suited him - which was not around the time of Alfie finding out.