He's left hand holding needeed

[Alfiemoon1]

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

It is not you being paranoid.

Your H crossed a line. If she had been up for it he would have been there last night not in a cold car (if he really was).

He was tarting himself up, flirting and getting ready to make a move on her. This was not just friendship. He really thought he was in with a chance.

He was dismissing your feelings, and treating you shoddily and chose to move out rather than work on your relationship.

Your marriage is over. If he wants to come back then you have to start again from scratch. He needs to prove he is serious and is not just coming back because he failed miserably with OW. That is a long road. Not next week.

What your DC want is not the priority. You need to teach them that relationships are about trust and respect. They are equal not all give on one side.

Yes it has I was just having a wobble as I have never not trusted him or has reason to doubt him before

Agree with magoria

Not one person on here (when linked to previous thread) has said you might be paranoid. Don't be sucked in by how nice 'v' appears to be, she, for whatever reason, is no friend to you.

And as for whether your concerns were valid is not really the issue, you had concerns and rather than consider your feelings your DH up and left.

Dd has been trying to get him to come and talk to me she is desperate for us to sort it out His reply is he will when I stop accusing him of things. I have said I don't think anything has happened between them but the rest of how he has behaved is fact

I thought earlier you said that he had also told DD to leave you both to sort it out? So why is he answering her questions?

In the nicest possible way DD needs to not be getting involved.

No matter how it's dressed up in your posts the reality is that you are both complicit in getting your daughter to do your dirty work for you.

You should be bloody well ashamed of yourselves.

Alfie I'm so sorry he's being such a jerk with such an almighty high opinion of himself. You don't sound like a person who reacts for no good reason & I really believe that if something isn't going on, he's certainly making himself available for any offers. He needs to leave your DD out of this , grow some balls and face the music. Sorry not very constructive but wishing you well.

Keep your kids out of this

What is wrong with you both ?

I have asked her not to talk to him or text him about what is going on I have told him not to speak to her about it to her about it I am ashamed they both heard us arguing and therefore know v is involved. I randomly check dd phone she is 15 there has been issues and i saw the text from dh. She had previously deleted their chats which is fine I haven't asked her about them it's between them I haven't asked what he has said to her when they have been together I am trying to keep her out of it

and yet you are bringing your son's feelings into it too

It's nothing to do with your kids. This is between you and him

You are both out of order for even involving them on any level

How am I getting my son involved I simply mentioned before he said he wanted his dad back home and that he is quite chilled out unlike dd.

Love, we are on your side but passing messages through your daughter and plaintively sighing "my son wants his dad home" are really not helpful

You are signposting that you will forgive this dickhead because your kids would prefer it. You are setting yourself up to let him back to please your kids.

You can deny it, but I think that is what you are doing.

I agree with Anyfucker.

But I also think you'll have him back simply so you don't have to confront the issues in your marriage. And I bet when you have him back you'll say 'i don't know how it happened, it just did'.

You're worth so much more OP

Went to work today as took Friday and Saturday off sick still no heard from him I texted asking what days off he has this week to see if he was having the kids but had no reply. Everything seems quite normal to me as he worked nights I would see to the kids etc he would get up at 10 pm I would spend an hour with him he usually ignored me while he watched tv and would go to work. It's nice to be able to go to bed early.

Couldn't face telling anyone in work yet though

Do you actually need him to look after his own kids ?

If not leave him stewing. What sort of gather just goes quiet about his kids like that ? He loves to punish you through them, doesn't he ?

He's not worth the shit on your shoe, love

*father

Stop contacting him, what a fucking tool he is. When he turns up to have the kids tell him you've made other arrangements, show him you are fine without him and you bloody are. I had a 3 year old in your shoes and if have rather paid 10 times over for childcare than allow his father to treat me the way this one is trying to treat you. Please be a hard faced bad ass now, it's not easy but goodness it'll save you some tears in the long run.

Alfie you don't have to tell anyone anything.

Just keep in getting up and getting on - and enjoy going to bed early. Very soon you'll be finding other things you're enjoying.

And let him ignore you but turn it around in your head so that you are ignoring him.

He really does know how to punish you.

It was nice to come home and be able to get my pj on in my bedroom. I am off tomorrow and can hoover whenever I want lol

Steady in Alfie!!!!

Hoover??????

Jeezy peeps!!!!

Get your feet up and get some day time TV on. Spoil yourself. Have a sleep. A bath. Anything. JUST STEP AWAY FROM THE HOOVER!

I am not texting him anymore I think his day off is the same as mine so I don't need him. I have to sort something out anyway as he works nights so isn't up which is why it annoyed me when he said he would get up just to do v horse when we had the whole argument about him agreeing to do every weekend for her

I did everything anyway I did all the housework sorted the bills arranged childcare he couldn't even sort out his own car insurance. He doesn't know how to email he won't speak to companies on the phone. He has never put a load of washing on has no idea who our mortgage utilities are with or how much they are. He literally just worked and paid money into the bank.

The kids only saw him on his days off and that will probably continue so him not being here is no loss really. Less washing not having to keep the kids quiet one less person to clear up after lol

You Hoover if you want to, it's little wins that make it all better.
Is he self employed ?