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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's left hand holding needeed

464 replies

Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 08:46

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

OP posts:
Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 09:45

I don't know where he went last night I just doubt it will be his mums

OP posts:
Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/11/2016 09:50

Sweetheart, you sound so upset, try to calm down, I know it's difficult.
He really isn't worth it, you know yourself, that he is up to no good.
Do you have someone to confide in ?
Can anybody come over and be with you ?
Get your ducks in a row, and get him out.
Life will become much easier.
Keep talking to us OP.

ImperialBlether · 04/11/2016 10:08

I remember him! He was behaving inappropriately a while ago with the same woman. That woman has no respect for you, OP, and while he's mixing with her, he doesn't, either.

I wouldn't put up with someone texting my husband 20 times a night, particularly if she didn't respond to my texts.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 10:29

He's been home collected his stuff and gone he says he slept in the car and I presume he's gone to his mums

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 04/11/2016 10:35

And how are you feeling?

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 10:37

Not sure he insists nothing is going on between them but he can't live with me having a go at him about her all the time

OP posts:
Stormwhale · 04/11/2016 10:39

Sorry op, this is at least an emotional affair, if not a physical one. What a scumbag.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 10:39

But I can't seem to stop I see red every time he starts texting her

OP posts:
Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 10:41

What if I am being paranoid

OP posts:
Simonneilsbeard · 04/11/2016 10:46

Op I also read your previous thread. He's enjoying the attention from another woman and ignoring the fact that's it's clearly upsetting you!
He's not even willing to reduce the contact to texts about the hobby only?
This would massively piss me off and I don't think you're over reacting or making a tit of yourself at all!
Regardless of what is going on between these 2, she's being inappropriate but he's being an asshole encouraging it.
He should have shut that shit down immediately when you told him you weren't comfortable with it ..he didn't. That would be enough for me! for me it's a case of he's putting her needs (and his) above your comfort and happiness in the relationship..not on.

cantpickusername · 04/11/2016 10:46

So what if you're being paranoid? He's doing absolutely nothing to assure you and does not care about your feelings regarding this at all.

AnyFucker · 04/11/2016 10:50

His behaviour is making you paranoid

What is this woman to him ?

Unless you insist he talks to no woman ever and act like this every time he is friendly with a member of the opposite sex he could actually put you out of your misery here

But no, he chooses not to. He obviously thinks his contact with this woman (no matter how far it has progressed) is more important than your feelings

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 10:53

He says he won't be told who he can and can't be friends with and insists I am being unreasonable

OP posts:
jeaux90 · 04/11/2016 11:03

Sorry OP it sounds like you are at a bit of a stand off. Just trying to see both sides here but I have a really close friend who is married. We go out and been on ski trips just the two of us as his wife doesn't like skiing and I am a single parent. I also work in a male dominated industry so do have quite a lot of mates who are men and some are obviously married.

That said, the fact that he has just started taking care of his pubes would make me wonder too and the fact she ignores you. It does look a bit shifty. So I don't think you are being paranoid. Big hug xxx

cantpickusername · 04/11/2016 11:06

The problem is not him having female friends. The problem is him being secretive about it and keeping OP out of this friendship. And also him prioritising this secret friendship over OPs feelings.

OP, you are not being the least bit unreasonable here.

twattymctwatterson · 04/11/2016 11:24

OP I've read your other threads. This is definitely not you. His contact with this woman is absolutely inappropriate and he's gaslighting you so you feel like you are the one who is being unreasonable. She's making a big play for him and he's at the very least enjoying the attention. I don't think he slept in his car last night (sorry). If I were you I'd sit him down and tell him you won't accept his contact with her anymore AT ALL. She can deal with you only. If he won't accept that I'd say you need to seriously consider the future of your marriage. At minimum this is an emotional affair. So sorry you are going through this

Rockingaround · 04/11/2016 11:42

I agree with AnyFucker completely. I had a similar but less severe situation. I'm not a jealous person at all. My DH is a helpful soul and a woman at his work was being over friendly, she started calling him late at night and texting him a lot, asking him to go out for dinner/theatre. I trust my DH 100% however it made me really cross, I just couldn't believe the gall of her, she'd met me once and tried to exclude me from a conversation her & DH were having at work blah blah blah ANYway. I just told my DH on several occasions that she's a cheeky cow and she doesn't have any boundaries and while I completely trust him, it pisses me off that she's literally handing it on a plate to him, and that she's a bit dangerous - like a little phsycho. I mean IMO you just don't have texty, gossipy friendships with married men. I told him I didn't want him answering the phone to her as it made me feel compromised and I didn't want him replying to her texts that were out of work hours, but that it was ok to txt re work via their whatsapp group. He completely respected my feelings and said he'd be royally pissed off if I was being persued. The fact that your DH isn't even prepared to consider how this makes you feel; and you have every right to feel like this, you're not being irrational at all - I would tell your DH that you need some space, that you feel this woman is throwing herself at him and you feel he's encouraging her, and you need him to sever the ties with her. YOU are his WIFE and you deserve more respect than this - demand it from him! Ooo I'm raging for you OP

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 16:55

I had a bit of a rant to him when he collected his stuff threatening to cancel the arrangement with v and getting the owner of the yard to do our horse so we have nothing to do with v and I would explain why I felt like this. 15 mins after he's gone I get a message from v telling me nothing's going on not to drag her into anything blah blah blah. Miffed he text her straight away and annoyed he's been discussing our marriage with her he had only just left

OP posts:
Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 17:03

I don't think anything physical is going on. He doesn't get what I mean about the picture as she had clothes on. He doesn't see them as flirty texts. But every time she texts him I start off on one he will say it's about the horse then 20 mins later they are still texting so I start with how many messages does it take to say yes or no and the whole row starts again

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 04/11/2016 17:06

He's a piss taker

Who would stay with a piss taker ?

twattymctwatterson · 04/11/2016 17:07

He's bullshitting you that he doesn't get it. Ask him if a male friend would ever text him a photo of himself on a night out and he would respond that he's a naughty boy.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 17:13

He's says that was in response to that she was dressed as Malificent for Halloween who is naughty ?? I don't even get why she sent it him why not put it on fb or something

OP posts:
magoria · 04/11/2016 17:22

Nothing physical is going. Yet.. That is how they are justifying their friendship.

However there is a massive amount going on between them and I believe if it hasn't then it will.

That he stops when starting to get jiggy with you to respond to her texts. That he speaks to her the instant he has left yours. The secrecy. The personal grooming. The support and caring he is giving her compared to the disrespect and lack of caring he is showing to you says it all.

I know it hurts like he'll but you are much better off with him gone so you are not upset and justifiably paranoid.

Original poster
Alfiemoon1 · 04/11/2016 17:43

He is with dd at the stables at the moment v won't be there i am wondering what he is saying to her about him leaving I don't want him turning my kids against me

OP posts:
IreallyKNOWiamright · 04/11/2016 18:05

I hope your ok. Been out all day so just caught up with the thread. I think you need to go to the stables and have it out with her. Yes we can all have friends but this is too intense and he is doing more for her then for his own wife. He should be apologising for his behaviour and reassuring you!!