He's left hand holding needeed

[Alfiemoon1]

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

Go to the doctors. Get some help.

Phone that counselling.

How long can you live like this? Being stonewalled, given the silent treatment, being dismissed as having mental problems or having to bury your feelings to stop that?

Life is too short.

I've been given 2 different ad by 2 different docs but am to scared to take them incase I get side effects

AD's aren't the answer to everything but they may just help you get through this. Go with the latest prescription, can't promise you won't get side effects but sometimes that is only short lived. If you are really worried then perhaps start off on half the dose for a good few days then increase to the prescribed dose. Do not take any homeopathic remedies at the same time without checking it's safe. I noticed you mentions St. John's wart earlier if you chose that instead of AD's then do check its safe for you...... I have it in my head that it effects something - perhaps the pil, I'm not sure.

I asked him if he had been in contact he said no except he saw her at the yard the other day briefly they didn't discuss me or our marriage just general chit chat to be polite. So she has obviously just decided to block me on facebook which is fine.

He was googling something on his phone and unlocked it with a passcode when I questioned it he said his phone has always had a passcode and a bit of a rant. He did a one point have a passcode I knew and again that was fine. So it seems I have been the one sticking to my side of it by not snooping which he agrees I haven't as i would of known about his passcode and now he denies all knowledge of our conversation about me promising not to snoop and him not restricting his phone. So of course now I am suspicious all over again. I give up I can't make this work on my own I can't undo how he has behaved or made me feel and I can't get over it without him making an effort

It's ridiculous I doubt he's up to anything he's just so bloody stubborn. The whole stand off at his mums was apparently him digging his heels in over being told who he can and can't be friends with. I could and he knows it change his passcode from my phone I have done it before but what's the point I can't be doing with this whole emotional roller coaster anymore i am sick of the arguments then the trying again.

Please go and see a counsellor, you are making this all about him and you should be concentrating on you! Take the medicine the doctor prescribed and see how you feel. They have to list every possible side effect in the warnings bit but they are not likely to effect you and the doctor wouldn't have prescribed them if they thought they would do you harm. Lots of them have to be taken for 7 -14 days to start working so please start them now. You do sound like you are very close to having some sort of breakdown and his behaviour is not helping you at all. However, your constant suspicion must be very difficult for all of your family to cope with. Get yourself sorted first. Take the tablets, get some counselling, if possible do not talk to you husband at all. He is giving you the silent treatment so give yourself a break from his drama. When you feel better and can think about things calmly and sensibly you may think that you have over-reacted to things, or you may actually realise that he was being unfair/unreasonable/having a completely inappropriate relationship for which he made little or no apology and that you deserve to be treated better.

When he left after the first few days of anger I was fine I think I have given him more than enough chances to show he wants to make our marriage work. She cut contact not him I presume if she hadn't it would all still be going on he still regularly sees her at the yard I can't stop him going there I want him to still have a good bond with dd. I backed down on them still being friends on facebook as it's public although messanger isn't. I have put up with lame excuses that he left his family as he dug his heels in over a so called friendship I have never confronted her or told anyone at the yard how they are behaving. I probably am on the verge of a breakdown as no matter how hard I try every time he acts up like changing passcodes etc it starts it all off again and hurts more than the first time around as we were supposedly trying again. I may be stupid may need help but I can't keep putting myself through this. I will get counselling I doubt it will save my marriage but hopefully I will learn to trust again

I am going to look into some counselling for dd as well if we split up as she won't cope

Well done for deciding to seek counselling. Hopefully counselling will help get your emotions in order, help you set a path and help steer you through it, whatever that may be.

You were absolutely right when you said 'I can't do this on my own' - does your DH enjoy seeing you question your own mind like this?

The FB friending is totally wrong and shows that either your DH has no actual idea of your feelings, doesn't care or is enjoying it. Why be friends with her if he reckons it's all public and can see it anyway? So he is friends with her but she blocks you? He shouldn't be friends with her because it's the right thing to do as it doesn't put her above you... again.

I think I just need from him some commitment that he's trying and as she cut contact I expect him to unfriend her on facebook to give me something like the locking his phone when he does it I think he is hiding something when it's unlocked and he is being attentive I don't look as I feel secure. I need to sort my feelings out I can't go on like this and it's not fair to dc. I tried to sleep on the sofa last night but was awake all night and I have work til
9.30 tonight have no idea how I will get through it though

Tell him you can't save this marriage on your own, he caused this and he needs to work at putting it back together.

I take it when you said about the phone lock he didn't then remove it?

He did remove it but at some point put it back on why?? He at one point had one I knew but has changed it I stuck to my side of our deal about not snooping why can't he stick to his side

This has gone on for months arguing then trying again except it seems to only be me trying enough is enough if he can't see the damage he's done and agree to meet in the middle there is no point in me trying and putting myself through all this

I don't want to stir you up any more but you can private message people on Facebook. It is not all visible for anyone to see.

You really can't carry on like this. He is lying and gas lighting you. This makes you feel like you are going crazy.

From what you have posted he has done absolutely nothing from when this started to reassure you and make you happy. It all about him and him doing what he wants with giving a shit how it makes your feel.

I know magoria that's why I am unhappy about it. Fb messanger is how v contacted me and she called me via it as well and I don't think that shows on your call logs so I would have no way of knowing if they have been speaking to each other

Well after a disastrous talk with him insisting his right to have a passcode on his phone yet if I ask him he will show it to me anytime as nothing is or has ever gone on he is now being really nice and attentive cynical me thinks it's because he's not had sex for a while lol. He insists that's it because I am being nice to him so he isn't backing away. He accepts him digging his heels in and confiding in her when I was having a go at him wasn't the best idea but that it was never more than a friendship that has been over for ages they don't text or phone each other and if they see each other at the yard it's just chit chat nothing about our marriage etc. He actually feels he doesn't want to be there for fear of being accused of something. He's commented that I don't do the things I enjoyed anymore as I am to preoccupied with what he's doing I was obsessed with nail polish and used to get giddy when a new collection came out I used to sell stuff on eBay etc I haven't done those in months the house is ok but not as it used to be he wasn't complaining just stating what I know. I am going to see a counsellor and try the meds the dr suggested as this just seems to be the cycle of things lovey dovey for s few weeks then back to reality I feel he's cheated on me emotionally nothing has been resolved not happy about the passcodes or them being friends on facebook I didn't get chance to mention that on our chat

I do agree that there are some things you can do to help those situation start to (hopefully) resolve - but I do feel frustration that he doesn't appear to be actively working to help you do this as a couple. His comment that he won't go to counselling because you will talk the therapist to your way of thinking is lame.

I don't like the fact that all the resolution to the problem that others created falls squarely on your shoulders.

Equally I wish he would realise that he needs to prove to you that his loyalties lie with you, so if there is a problem with someone on FB and they block you then he shouldn't be friends with that person.

So until he realises that this will take two, look after yourself, do things you enjoy, seek therapy as a priority as hopefully they will help you move forward with the limitations that is your reality.

There is little point in keep going over old ground and trying to get him to see it from your POV. At some point when you are a little clearer and if you still don't feel he is making any effort to rebuild your trust then present him with a list of what you need him to do to save your marriage - imo loyalty should be no1.

Time you got yourself back, get stronger and don't allow people to make you feel it's all in your head.

She's deleted and blocked him and dd on facebook and he's annoyed with her as she is blaming dd for not putting her horse out on Saturday. Long story short a is loaning v horse wasn't well on Saturday so text dd to put horse out dd said no she wasn't there but someone else would probably do it. But nodody did. Dd has explained this to v on Saturday by text dh not impressed with v. Neither dd or dh told me this as they didn't want another row just got back from the yard an v has put on the notice board that dd had agreed to put her horse out. Dd doesn't think her dad will be happy when he finds out. So that's the facebook problem sorted and that's the reason he didn't want to go yesterday as he isn't speaking to v

So she randomly blocks people on FB whenever she is slightly pissed off at them? She sounds extremely highly strung. What was the point of her putting a note on the notice board?

I'm glad the FB thing is over for you I just wish your DH had unfriended her in the first place, perhaps he felt he would appear less of a man.

Remember to concentrate on you. 💐

Yes she has deleted everyone on the yard off facebook then tried to re add them but they declined. I have no idea why she blamed dd on the notice board after they had discussed it on Saturday it wasn't on there on Sunday. I wonder if dh ignored her yesterday and she decided to show dd up. I think that v blaming dd might be why our talk on Sunday didn't go well he was very angry and saying he didn't want to talk about v anymore he didn't even want to go to the yard. He told dd he didn't want to see her at the yard and was going to ignore v so that may have prompted the message on the board.

I think he's seen her true colours now and probably feels a bit of a prat for being sucked in by her which is why he was getting angry on sunday as we had been making progress with him understanding my feelings. I am a bit miffed neither of them told me but they thought it was sorted and didn't want me kicking off about her again. Obviously v had other ideas so I have found out she's pathetic it's her horse if the kid loaning her can't make it she should of sorted it herself instead of letting 15 year olds do it. She should also realise that nobody is doing anything for her as she has taken advantage of everyone and that's why nobody put her horse out for her

We weren't even at the yard that morning which is why dd said no to putting her out and it wasn't up to dd to go round texting everyone at the yard to sort it out

If she tries to add DH back again I hope he declines.

I really don't think you should worry about V, most people become wise to people like her eventually.

It doesn't excuse any of his actions towards you.

Please don't just drift back into the same old same old just because v has dumped him.

You deserve better.