He's left hand holding needeed

[Alfiemoon1]

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

It certainly doesn't and he has been told that magoria. He has been told what a dick he's been. I've mentioned that he should of been open when she blocked him on facebook as I had an issue with it and should have been open about what went on at the yard on Saturday explained to him how hard it was for me to go there when they were very close slagging me off that I dreaded going incase she had been telling everyone my marriage problems she has been there a lot longer and gave me the impression she was well liked. I have told him he risked everything for his friendship with her that obviously meant nothing to her she was using him like I warned him months ago she has done it to everyone at the yard which is why everyone is fed up with her but he to it to the extreme. He is quite snappy at the moment and just says he doesn't want to talk about her he is sick of hearing about her doesn't want anything to do with her. To which I replied i was sick of her since October when it all started I didn't bring her into our marriage he did. Not sure if he is miffed she has deleted him or deep down realises what a fool he's been but won't admit it as he hasn't been angry about it all for a while and seemed more willing to accept my feelings. Or he is just genuinely fed up of talking about her

since all this I have has gone on dd has changed her passcode on her phone she is 15 I wasn't happy dh of course supports her privacy that's his excuse for having one on his phone his right to privacy personally I think he's blown that right by his behaviour. Anyway dd has been using the iPad for sypke and when I went on it to do something a message popped up from a Steve to text her not aware of any friends called Steve and it's not a teen name so I asked her it's all innocent it's her friend using his dad account but I think at 15 I should have access to her phone we had a lot of trouble a few years ago regarding snap chat and inappropriate pictures and the police were involved not directly with dd but her friend at the time sending topless pic of herself and him then black mailing her for sexual favours as he had screenshot them dd was only questioned for being a friend. So I think tomorrow we will be discussing passcodes and why he wants to encourage secrecy in this family obviously I know ds 11 passcode and everyone knows mine and I have no issue with my privacy as I don't do anything on my phone that I don't mind dh or dc seeing

Right I have asked dd to change her passcode and have text him the same v has now unblocked them on facebook so they are friends again would I be being unreasonable if I insisted he remove her? we can't keep going round in circles I will do anything to make this marriage work counselling on my own happy pills etc but I feel I need him to do this to help me move on

You know my answer.... no it's not unreasonable. Like you I have no issue with my family knowing my passcode, I have nothing to hide. Your husband has gone from not having one to adding one straight after you have issues with trust.

I know my kids pass codes, it's a requirement for them having access to social media etc.

Dd said she would change hers back. He's come in from work shouted at me for bringing it all back up again and gone to the gym

I am stuck as to what to do now last night I insisted by text as trying not to row at home because of the kids that he either removed his passcode or told me it and removed her off facebook for us to move forward he has left his phone in the car all day when i tried calling it was switched off and when he came home he shouted at me to stop bringing everything up again as he's sick of talking about her. There are still unresolved issues preventing us from moving on the passcode and facebook so of course it's going to keep being mentioned. So as he shouted I will of course leave it a few days then try again but because I leave it a bit I get accused of bringing it up periodically. I really don't know what to do the last few times I have tried to talk all he has done is shouted at me he's sick of talking about it threatened to smash his phone up etc. Why be so bloody difficult why not just delete her and the flaming passcode or even say to me bugger off I am doing neither instead of just shouting I am sick of talking about her. Why are either things so important to him the passcode is about us both learning to trust each other that I won't snoop and that he isn't hiding anything. I could of got it out the car today and I can unlock it and change the passcode from my phone but I didn't. Not even sure if he is aware she has unblocked him yet but it has been an issue since she cut contact by text. why is it so important he is friends on facebook with her ? I am getting tempted to contact a solicitor to send him a warning kind of letter as I am out of ideas I have tried the soft approach the being extra nice and the demanding approach and I am getting nothing from him

Your DH really doesn't give a shit does he?
He is not willing to do the one thing that would allow you to move on. That speaks volumes.
How long are you prepared to torture yourself and keep going round in circles. It can't be a good atmosphere in the house at all-for anyone

it appears not I am not even convinced he is hearing what I am saying anymore just shouts the same crap. Occasionally I also get a rant over his right to privacy on his phone and that he hasn't done anything. Which is a step back at I had got him to at least understand how his behaviour made me feel

This man is a complete twat and I'd be very surprised if both him and v weren't in cahoots over all of this blocking/unblocking/passcode malarkey to mess with your head so much that you do not know which way is up and you then get upset thus giving them the green light to point the finger and gaslight you into believing you've got a screw loose.

Rl friends are saying he's being immature he was flattered by the attention and i need to get him to delete her etc. They don't seem to get that just because they can say to their dh not happy u need to delete x and they would my dh isn't. They are making suggestions I get dolled up and go out to make him jealous or change my passcode. He would probably just tell me to have a nice time and doesn't look at my phone anyway so wouldn't notice I never looked at his before all this he trusts me as did I him before all this

Trying to make him jealous is only going to backfire on you.

He's not worth that kind of effort.

Banty I have had the mental illness card thrown at me many times by dh and even dd I have been the drs explained everything who basically said I wasn't barking mad but has given me ad at my insistence and I have even blamed the mini pill for making me paranoid or over reacting but I still think he is being unreasonable for the passcodes and being friends on facebook.

neither of us were jealous people before this. I believe they aren't in contact anymore but the hurtful thing was that she decided that not him so it would so some effort on his part that he removes her off facebook

22 years together yes we had got stuck in a rut both our faults. I ve made suggestions to improve things offered to go to counselling together or on my own to move on yet any demands I make or say I need to move on he indirectly refuses. He has basically just waltzed back in expecting everything to be ok because she has said to him and dd not me and both of there texts were deleted before I saw that she felt it best to not contact him. He claims that was a mutual agreement lol

Going by your last post he is just not interested in saving this relationship. He is putting V before you and not considering your feelings at all.
Honestly is this relationship worth saving? I am not saying this to be nasty but everything is getting deflected back onto you so much so you think you are mentally ill/ blaming the mini pill when it is in fact the behaviour of the twat in front of you that is causing your distress.
This is dragging on long enough and l can't imagine anyone is happy. Things have to be resolved one way or another.

He's not an emotional person every thing is very black or white with him. I am the opposite he has seen me sob my heart out on the floor because of all this on more than one occasion and just walked past me I wouldn't do that to a stranger. I wanted to make it work I wanted to make it better than before but I don't know how to if he won't give me any reassurance or effort his version of effort is grope me and have sex when I am trying to move on and put it all behind us oh and if I am lucky I might get a kiss before he goes to work on odd days

Please LTB before you end up seriously damaged by this pathetic excuse for a human being.

I went through years of this and ended up having a breakdown and it's now costing me a lot in a therapists office as I try to put myself back together.

Why are you still with him ? He is driving you crazy!
Does he value you ?
Does he value your marriage ?
Take back control.

If his mobile contracts in your name and you pay the bills why don't you log on to his account and check his text and call history for her number to see if they are still in contact.

I can't believe you are still with him honestly. He was raging the other night cause they had had a tiff and she had deleted and blocked him. If he is searching her twenty times a day on fb he's infatuated to be honest and could very possibly be private messaging her all those times through her profile. I wouldn't be with my dh now. He should be being completely transparent with his phone, email, messenger etc. To prove to you he has done nothing and to make it up to you then you could calm down and not obsess and move on...if he is innocent.

I don't think he is. And I absolutely don't think you need antidepressants. Being in a relationship with concern like you have and gut feelings (that are almost always right by the way) does drive you demented!

IF they weren't in contact anymore why would she unblock his fb page so he can see it and contact her?

Just tried to calmly explain that while I still have these issues we can't totally move on so I am not accused of being fine with him for a few days then bringing it up again. His reply was he is not deleting people off facebook because I tell him to it wouldn't matter anyway I would find another excuse I am not trying I am still accusing him he hasn't spoke to her in months to which I chipped in that was down to her not him his reply that doesn't matter it's all in my head I am fucking mental. He was going to work so I told him to leave to which he said he will be not sure if he meant for work or moving out again I hope he is moving to his mums again I know that's wrong to say because of dc but after the initial shock when he left last time I went no contact with him and coped quite well

Egg she does that when she has a paddy she deleted everyone off the yard except dd and dh previously then tried to re add them and they declined her friend request

Egg when she cut contact it was text and phone calls they have always remained friends on facebook and I was supposed to just accept that from him as it's public except messenger isn't and that is the way she contacted me and called me by which is why I have been unhappy about them being friends

He has absolutely no respect for you and doesn't give a fuck about your feelings. He can say you are mental and he isn't deleting her etc but at the end of the day. You and he both know that this is not the way you have ever behaved before so if he did as you asked with deleting this one person etc and being transparent with passwords then the issue would be over.

I wouldn't stay with him if I were you. He's a deceitful head fuck who doesn't care for you or treat you the way your husband should. Remember how much you enjoyed chilling and blow drying you hair and not staying up so late etc when he was away before. You aren't happy and the sad fact is he has no interest in trying to help you resolve that when he easily could. If he doesn't see how that makes the whole thing with v look when he's putting staying friends on fb etc before his wife's feelings then he's mental.

I agree with eggnog. He is a head fuck.
Take control. What do you want to do ? Where do you see yourself in six months ? In the same cycle of him disrespecting you and your marriage or free of him and the emotional turmoil. You chose .