He's left hand holding needeed

[Alfiemoon1]

Ok so I posted before the thread about making a tit out of myself. Things have continued I get stressed and have a go every time she texts and start the whole argument over again he got naffed off last night and left. He's not come back yet. I am probably being paranoid I just can't help going into a rage every time she texts help. I have recently gone on the mini pill can that screw your head up I have never been a jealous person

How to I find a councillor? I would be interested in going on my own. Dd has said v is regularly at the yard everyone although they don't like her is being civil to her so I should be. I explained to dd that tittle tattle at the yard hardly compares to what v and her dad put us through so I will be ignoring her like I did previously and that's the best I can do. I would quite happily have it out with v at the moment but i won't stoop to her level and make things awkward for dd at the yard

You're getting totally preoccupied by v again. She's really not your issue here, your husband and the state of your marriage is. I don't think you'll get anywhere while you continue to make this all about her, who likes her, where her horse is, whether she's single, so on and so on. Your issue is the lack of trust and awful communication with you and dh. He is never going to listen to your concerns if you keep using the same lines and angry rants, change tactics and you might stop going round in circles.

And please stop discussing this with your daughter. It should not be her concern and it's totally unacceptable to keep her involved in your arguments with dh and v.

dd simply told me v had moved back to the main yard I didn't ask her for that information and I replied it's best I ignore her like before so am not involving dd. I had made a lot of progress with dh and we have both admitted our faults and he had started to understand why I felt like I did We have been getting on i am suddenly going over it all in my head again winding myself up. I haven't mentioned this to dh. I mentioned previously I wonder if it is because v is no longer leaving and I feel insecure she is single or if it is pmt symptoms as I am near the end of my packet of the mini pill. Of course all of this was not just down to v they were both adults and knew full well what they were doing to me and the kids. I have had it out numerous times with dh. But v didn't know me I only sent her 4 polite texts regarding the horse yet she sent loads of hateful texts to dh about me she had no right to do that and rightly or wrongly i am angry with her about that

You are giving v so much power while you fixate on her still though, it's a waste of your energy.

Allow yourself the chance to enjoy getting close to dh again, if that's what you want, but decide one way or another. Your dh is probably totally baffled if you're going from happy and trying to rekindle things to stressing over v, his phone and what's happening with the horse again. He hasn't exactly been the brightest spark in understanding the affects of his behaviour so far, so don't confuse him further.

If you're wondering about the pill and your pmt again why don't you look at an alternative now? If I were you I would seriously consider stopping the mini pill and using condoms for a while to eradicate the hormones that could possibly be affecting your mood and ability to rationally judge situations. You have questioned whether you've reacted rationally a few times over this.

Have no idea what's going on had no periods for months and now have tummy ache and a bit of spotting and feel snappy like pmt but am still taking the pill am near the end of the packet but I take this pill continuously. I don't know if it's me pushing him away or he isn't making as much effort. The affection has dwindled already. We seem to go a few weeks then it starts off again maybe it's me dragging it up don't know if I am scared of getting hurt again so can't let go or if it's things like her not leaving that triggers it

Yep, that'll be the affects of the mini-pill on your body and, most likely, also on your mood. I was terrible after a while on it myself. Of course I now need to find ways of managing my pmt (raging since my last dd) and PND. I'm currently trying St Johns Wort and vitamin B supplements, which is either a decent placebo or beneficial.

I have just got some evening primrose oil to try but after searching on here think Angus cactus and vit b might be better was tempted by St. John's wort as I am terrified to take the ad prescribed by the dr and looking for natural alternatives I went on citralophram one and it sent me barking mad and I could barely string a sentence together

I just can't seem to forget it all we had a tiff the other night I sent a nasty text I apologised but he's not speaking to me and while he's ignoring me I did my heels in and think fuck u do u think u can behave like u did and just get away with it. I told him I've deleted his number so he won't get any more text from me no point in having it as on the few occasions I tried to ring him at work as I couldn't sleep as ds was stressing me out having issues at high school it was engaged that's what prompted me to check his call log and saw they called each other every night as soon as he started work bearing in mind he starts at midnight. He doesn't even do using the phone ?? He can't phone to sort his car insurance out etc I do it and he only phones his mum if he needs something yet they had hour long conversations every night. I wish I could just forget it all and move on

He is still on the phone to her every night for an hour?

No one can help until you are in a position yourself to realise he isn't trying, he isn't changing and just wants you to STFU and let him get on with his little 'friendship'.

I suppose you could read Not Just Friends that may help you.

Can you at least get back to the doctors and tell them what your pills are doing?

No he isn't any more as far as I am aware she decided to cut contact after dd sent her an emotional text yes it wasn't even him who decided he had put us all through enough yet he claims it was a mutual decision by text pfft that he had deleted so I couldn't see it someone text first it was her I have no doubt about. I have stuck to my side of us trying again so haven't checked his phone in weeks so I can only take his word for it they haven't been in contact. He refuses to delete her off facebook which is also doing my head in he isn't friends with me on there but claims is a public thing so no secrecy eerm when I checked his activity log he was searching her 20 times a day he's now changed his password on there

The lastet argument was the other day I was working all day he needed to do the stable but chose to poo pick for an hour or so as well. He didn't need to spend that extra hour there he could of done it another day. It was the day before ds birthday I had asked him to take ds to get a new jujitsu outfit as the shop had been closed over Christmas it's their thing they go together ds was aware he may not have until the weekend if dh late home from work he wasn't he was at the yard. I had a shit long day in work came home to the dog hadn't been walked dishes all over the place my mother had a go at dd pissed me off and was slightly annoyed that he chose to poo pick instead of getting ds birthday present or walking the family dog. He was there the time v is usually there so my text was along the lines of he chose to spend the time with her again. I have no idea if she was actually there but I was in a foul mood I almost walked out of work and left the kids eating tea to walk the dog as I was fuming with everyone. I apologised the next morning thinking I was out of order he still isn't speaking to me so now instead of feeling apologetic I am like wtf u caused all this hence why I have dragged up deleting his number as no point in having it as it's always engaged

Then I go back and think Is all this worth splitting up our family dd in particular wouldn't cope she has her GCSEs this year she's already told my mum and sister she wants to live with them she thinks I am mentally ill and am looking for problems and that I should move on she has forgiven him. Oh to be 15 lol since having the horse she is so close to her dad with him working nights and not being around much when they were growing up she loves that they spend time together at the yard. He does golf and jujitsu with ds so to the kids I am the problem for not forgiving and forgetting

I told you this when he waltzed back home... he walks through the door and you are automatically expected to just forget everything and move on.

Your DD needs to keep out of this, it has nothing to do with her.

You need to stop focussing on V, you are not married to her, she has made no commitment to you. Note how you ended up apologising to DH when he should be the one apologising to you over him not sorting DS birthday.

Find a counsellor either on line or through GP and just focus on you.

Some of this could be your hormones but they didn't search v 20 times a day, your husband did.

You have had no real resolution to what happened and rather than show you how much you can trust him he puts passwords etc on devices.

Other than rolling back home he appears to be making no effort and all the pressure is put on you to forgive and forget. Well maybe you can't in these circumstances when obstacles are put in your way, maybe you can't just forget about it when trust has been broken and no effort is made to rebuild it.

He's still not speaking to me and v although we are not friends on facebook seems to have blocked me today which makes me suspicious he has been to the yard and seen her or been in some form of contact could be me putting 2 and 2 together and making 200 again he is in bed now so won't see him until later as I was at work when he got home.

I will be fuming with him if he has been discussing our latest row or our marriage with her again

And now for the first time in weeks I feel the need to check his phone arghhh

You are creating these scenarios in your head because he isn't helping you to trust him again.

Will you find a therapist who can help you sort through these emotions?

He hasn't mucked out the stable so I presume he hasn't been. Maybe she just realised I have unblocked her and blocked me which is fine. Or he has been speaking to her and saying I am still not over all this. Not looking forward to going up to the yard now in case she is there

Phew she wasn't there will look into a therapist I think I need one whether we stay together or not. Will see if he speaks to me or not tonight pfft

We had made some progress in him understanding my feelings however if he has been discussing our marriage with her again then that is a major set back in the moving on as that's part of why we are in the mess we are in

Have googled relate they do free online counselling a live chat thing thinking of contacting them I know he won't agree to it but think I need some before I drive myself crazy lol

I think you will benefit even if he doesn't take part. It's a shame he won't. I don't know about the online chat, give it a go and if it's not great then try and find someone else.

I don't think he truly understands your feelings or he wouldn't be doing the polar opposite of showing you that you can trust him.

Can't believe how anxious I feel about him getting up will he speak to me or not after my nasty text I apologised and offered to talk he said he was still angry so I said fine maybe in a few days he will be ready. Do i ask him if he's been in contact with her or not based on she has today blocked me on facebook or just leave it

Just leave it for now. If he said no would you believe him 100%?

My mind is going into over drive now and my stomach is in knots arghhh