Help - DH is driving me mad!

[Mummy2TandF]

My Day so far:- Woke up at 6:30am with ds (2) and dd (13 weeks), fed washed and dressed them both, got myself dressed, done 5 loads of washing, drying and ironing, put all clothes away, emptied dishwasher, filled dishwasher, cleaned all windows (inside only), changed all ds's and dd's nappies and fed all dd's bottles to her, made lunch for dh, ds and me, tided ds's bedroom and our bedroom, swept and mopped living room and dining room floors and spring cleaned the kitchen, popped into the local hospital to see my best friend who had a baby yesterday, got back, made dinner for dh, ds and me, tidied it all away, bathed ds and dd and put them to bed, ran a bath for dh.
I have just gone downstairs to ask dh to wash up dd's bottles and then I would steralise and make them up and he said "if you hadn't been sitting on the computer all day, you could have done it yourself!" - I replied that I had been on Mumsnet for an hour and I thought I was entitled and he said - well you could have put a toilet brush round the toilet instead of sitting at the computer and he was serious!
Sorry for the rant but I had to let it out - am now going to get in the bath and try to calm down.

things any better now?

I am just gaping at what Mummy2TandF does in a day! I don't do that in a month! I am an awful slut, though. ONE BABY is all I have and I still haven't had time to take a bath until right now, 11.30am. My ridiculous baby has forgotten how to crap again...

He sat and watched telly whilst you cleaned the house I wouldn't allow that and dh is chronically ill, not chronically lazy!

Oh, now she's remembered.

Well thanks for all your messages - I agree that I need to do something about this - but I am abit scared to mention it as he takes everything as if I am having a go at him (which in a way I am) but I just want to talk not fight!
Today again I have emptied the dishwasher, filled it up again, taken ds for his 2 year check at the clinic, of course nappies and bottles all day, had my mum and nephew 18months round for lunch, cleared all the toys away when they left, bathed ds and dd (as I wasn't going to have time tonight) Went to the shopping centre to take back a faulty item I had bought and pay a cheque in and then collected dh from work (not the station) as it was raining and I was nearer his work at the shopping centre. When we got home, I gave dd her bottle, made a cup of tea for dh & I, cooked the dinner, laid the table, cleared up after dinner and got ds into bed, I have just fed dd and am about to put her to bed and then begin tidying the toys again - dh is in the bath reading a magazine after asking me why I did a steak pie for dinner as he doesn't like steak pies (We have been together for 11 years and he has never mentioned this before!) - Any tips on how to approach this with him without him flying off the handle?

what an ungrateful selfish b@$^@£d!!! sounds like someone i know!!!

Go into the bathroom and dunk his head under the water for a couple of mins. He might notice how pissed off you are then!!

I would not be approaching anything. I would leave your children with someone you trust for a couple of hours and then go absolutely fucking ballistic at him. But that's just me.

What does he do for a job and how far away is the train station from your house??

You ARE a living saint - why should you have to approach this without flying off the handle? Sometimes flying off the handle is what's needed - men don't get subtlety or restraint. I have been know to deliberately "lose it" on the basis that that's the only way Dp will work out he's pushed his luck too far. Either lose it or go for the toilet brush suggestion

Go and put the toilet brush in the bath.

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So sorry to read this.. sadly I've been like this with my H. He's never ever taken the time to be with us as a family at the weekend and I've done all the running here there and everywhere. I agree shout at him and tell him, it's a partnership and he should be doing his fair share. Don't let it fester away. I'm sure he'll get the message. You should not be doing all this on your own, any more than I should have been.

bandofmothers - He has a job in the motor trade , it's clerical, and he does have quite a hard journey to work - he has to walk to the station, get 1 train wait 25 mins for a connecting train and then walk to work the other end - but total journey time about 1 hour (same as I did when I worked in the city), I wouldn't mind so much but we do have a 2nd car sitting outside the house, he says that it won't start and that he doesn't like driving in because he works near a busy shopping centre and would come home in a bad mood if he had to drive because of the traffic [hmmm]
hassled - I didn't mean without me flying off the handle - I meant him

Happy big girl, that's the excuse mine always gives, like 2 kids isn't a full time job. And you don't get to go home for the evening.

alipiggie - What happened? Did he change his ways? How did you make him see? I have tried to get him to do things as a family at the weekends but he would much rather go fishing, even though I must say he hasn't been since dd was born .... yet!

Mummy 2.
You need to put your foot down.This is quite unexceptable. He's taking the piss.
It's a hassle for him to take the car to work, but he doesn't mind making you postpone the dc's bed routine, bundle them in winter clothes into the car to pick him up, then wait on him hand and foot, whilst doing everything with the kids. You finally get down time and he's questioning where you are??
It's just wrong hon.

I agree with Colditz - perhaps you should just loopy at him. It seems like you're letting him dominate you and are not giving your side of the arguement.
Another option might be to farm out the kids for a couple of hours with your mum and take him out for dinner somewhere nice. That way, you can tell him how you're feeling (and set some much needed ground rules) and he can't go off on one as he'll be in a restaurant full of other people. But be assertive - he needs to know you're not going to back down.
Has he always been like this or is it since you've had your DD? He does sound a lot like me when I had PND! I didn't realise but men can get PND too and my husband did admit to feeling very depressed after we had our DS. Just a thought?

bandofmothers - I think that I know it is wrong deep down but as I say, I would rather not bring it up because I know he will fly off the handle and it will be a big shouting match (well him shouting at me and me telling him to calm down) But that is not doing me any good because things fester and then I am not a happy mummy for the dc's - Well I am actually because I won't let them see me upset but I am running myself into the ground here - I am shattered

On sun, I took my dd1 to park on her scooter, (she's 3). Left dd2 with DH. It was 3pm, shop over road closed at 4pm. He said can I go to shop for him, as he couldn't go cos of dd2. I said "no, I'd have to go there first and carry shopping round the park. There's a pushchair right there, why can't you go?" I got " well it's a hassle"
ie, he couldn't be arsed but it was ok for me to carry his shopping around the park.
I told him where to go, and I don't mean the shop!!
Got back about 5 and he hadn't gone.
Next time he asks you to do something , say I'm already doing 5 things at once, do it yourself.

Could you not go away to stay with a friend for a weekend or something (without DH) just to have a rest from the daily grind? I know you'll have the children with you but you sound completely knackered and fed up. At least then you can clear your head whilst you think how to tackle the situation.

luciemule - I would love to go out for a meal, but we don't actually have anybody that could have the dc's My mum says that ds is too much of a handful and there is nobody else near enough. Besides this, the fact that we were in a restaurant wouldn't stop him going off on one - He screamed at me once at our friends wedding in front of everybody - people even turned around to stare as they couldn't believe the way he spoke to me

You probably don't want to hear this - no he hasn't changed his ways - he's had an affair. Many on here heard my cry for help after that one last year. So now we are going to go our separate ways. Having been through therapy (wow sound American too now) I've come to realise that he'll never ever change - he's been spoilt. He's mother did everything for him even when he was 21 she used to run around and pick up/clean after him.

Men like this need a good kicking otherwise you'll still be the same two years from now. Tell him straight. You'll probably have an argument in return. But your self-respect needs for him to be told he's lazy and selfish. Sending you {{{hugs}}}

I used to bite my tongue because I hated him shouting, but I'll tell you what works.
Shout back.
Pref not in front of kids, but since I started arguing back he doesn't shout so much. Usually because he knows what I'm saying is right and he can't justify what he's saying.