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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ex DH has really upset me.....

342 replies

Severino · 31/10/2016 22:32

I separated from DH at Christmas time. There was a lot of financial stuff and EA and it's been a tough year (he is nice one minute then vile the next) but definitely the right thing for us all long term.
This week he told me has met someone else. I'm fine with that, pleased actually as maybe he will stop hassling me a bit. But tonight he just sent me a text 'for my own good - for future relationships' saying I should have my Labia cut back as it's such a turn off, men hate it and he wishes he'd told me even before we got married. For some reason this has completely floored me, I feel so upset. Of course I know I'm not the most attractive down there but to me a loving relationship goes way beyond that kind of thing? Maybe it's not as nice for men as a neat one, but surely we all come in different shapes and sizes and no one is perfect and we accept and love our partners for how they are. I would never have a cosmetic operation such as that anyway but I just feel so humiliated that he has spelt it out to me. I actually am not looking for another relationship at all but I feel he has totally sullied the final aspect of the relationship we had. Everything else was crap, now it seems the sex was too.

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 31/10/2016 23:46

I think he thinks he is being clever as it's so intimate you would never dare show anyone it
So he can continue to be cruel really easily and make you feel ashamed and get away with it

funnyandwittyusername · 31/10/2016 23:48

The police? Really? Instead of blocking/ignoring/ dealing with it like a grown up?

If it's one message it's not harassment under the law. It wouldn't constitute malicious comms either. Why on earth advise OP to go to the police?

gillybeanz · 31/10/2016 23:50

I would send one back saying you are keeping a record of his messages for the police.

Or tell him women don't like EA cunts, with dinky pricks.

Thank Christ you got away from him, what a horrible excuse for a man. Thanks

BellesBelles · 31/10/2016 23:51

Not RTWT but... The spiteful shit Angry. You can rest assured that he is just bitter (which has nothing to do with your body) because why would he care about your labia if he's moved on?? He's trying to smash your confidence, that's all. Don't let him.

Text him back and say "Thanks, maybe the same surgeon could do penis extensions, although they really need something to work on in the first place, I guess."

Seriously, please just think What A Wanker to yourself whenever it pops in your head. My ex boyfriend once tried to say something uncomplimentary about my breasts after we split up, my DH loves them so it's horses for courses.

What A Wanker though...

Myusernameismyusername · 31/10/2016 23:51

This isn't the only message it's just the first one that has really made her cry. He's been sending more than just one nasty message

mmgirish · 31/10/2016 23:51

This is disgusting. I wonder how long it took him to think that up. Some people unfortunately will do or say anything to hurt others. I hope you're ok OP.

RepentAtLeisure · 31/10/2016 23:53

He has a new partner, the only thing left to do is to try and incapacitate you with shame and embarrassment so that you will struggle to start a new relationship. That's why he's stressing all men hate it. It's sadistic. Translation - no-one will want you so don't you dare even look.

I'm sure that your labia fit within the range of what's normal, and in my 40 plus years on this planet I've never heard men specifically talk about labia size! I'm sure some men do have preferences, but again, probably pretty much all along the spectrum of size and shape.

The best revenge is being happy. You took the first step by getting rid of this loser. Mr Right will love all of you just as you are!

funnyandwittyusername · 31/10/2016 23:56

Myusername- where does the OP say that?

Lilacpink40 · 31/10/2016 23:57

Come over to the thread about narcissistic men. Have a read on other poster's experiences, if it sounds like him join in.

He sounds manipulative and selfish. This isn't about your body, you're not wrong, it's about his need to control you.

I'll try to post a link.

SwearySwearyQuiteContrary · 31/10/2016 23:59

It's a vicious but ultimately unsubtle attempt to damage your confidence when you move on to another relationship. I imagine that finding himself another victim has reminded him that you're able to move on too. Do not
let him win.

Overthinker2016 · 01/11/2016 00:01

He is disgusting. What a revolting thing to say.

I'm sure your vag is beautiful just as it is.

This is just him trying to make you uncomfortable about new sexual partners as someone else said.

Think you have done the right thing ignoring his text OP, why even justify this nonsense with a response.

Muddlewitch · 01/11/2016 00:05

Agree with pps that you haven't reacted the way he had hoped over the new girlfriend so he has come up with another way to try and hurt you. Pathetic little man.

You have done the right thing by ignoring, though I would have been tempted to reply 'oh silly, they are not big, you are just small, it's not an issue to average sized men. Keep believing in yourself though, it's what's inside that counts xxx'.

Bogeyface · 01/11/2016 00:22

Emotionally Abusive remember?

He wont stop being a complete cunt just because he has found some other poor cow to abuse.

It is, as has been said, to try and get a reaction as you havent been all heart broken and upset at his new GF. Pathetic twat.

spicyelephant · 01/11/2016 00:33

What a complete cunt... but also what a fantastic way of remembering what a complete cunt he is!! Congratulations on getting rid OP, I hope you're excited for whatever your future holds. He sounds like a nasty, nasty little man who intended to try and hurt you. How incredibly embarrassing for him!

iminshock · 01/11/2016 00:34

What a tosser.
Advice to phone the police or get him duffed up by some heavies are way off the mark, however.

iminshock · 01/11/2016 00:35

My exH who was actually a very lovely and kind man once told me I'd be really beautiful if it wasn't for my bad skin.

I never really recovered from that remark and it upsets me still, 30 years on

Cocksandrubbers · 01/11/2016 00:47

Wow [shock
Men like this are just vile! My ex told me the other day I was a Whore and all I'm good for is sucking men's dicks. All I could do was laugh and send him a pic of myself with a 8inch vibrator asking if he was jealous? Needless to say I haven't heard from him since.

gingerpusscat · 01/11/2016 00:53

Blimey. What a nasty little man. My bits are all over the place, even more so after an instrumental birth, and my DH adores them! Never heard such rubbish.

AcrossthePond55 · 01/11/2016 01:22

"Dear Asshole, it's not that my labia are so large, it just seems that way to you because you saw their size in relation to the tiny size of your penis. Love, Severino "

WhatsGoingOnEh · 01/11/2016 01:33

The weird thing is, he is not actually saying that your labia are particularly large or slightly. He's just saying that all labia are. "Men hate them." He has no clue what "men" think of YOUR labia, so this is a very generic insult about labia in general.

That, and the insight into the speed of the operation ("20 minutes! You can have it done in your lunch hour!") sounds to me like maybe his new GF has had that operation, and now he thinks every vag should have it. ?? Anyone else get that impression, maybe, from the way he phrased it?

My ex was similarly horrible. Sorry you're going through this. I LOVE the "hateful cunt" comments.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 01/11/2016 02:24

You have already worked out he's vile and it hasn't changed the way you feel about you so I would ignore.

If you really cant then something not insulting will produce a much better head fuck than anything insulting will.

So "did you seriously just send an ex a message about her genitals? How strange, that's very much the sort of behaviour that most people consider quite rude and incredibly weird it's just not the done thing"

Would be far more likely to piss him off than a comment about his.

One looks like his attempt to cause you harm has totally failed and made him look like a twat the other says that was hurtful and I'm bothered.

ThisIsReallyNotMyName · 01/11/2016 02:29

His last desperate attempt st abusing you. What a c**t. Maybe advise him to get a penis extension and some lessons on how to properly satisfy his next woman.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 01/11/2016 02:35

Wow, that message made me draw breath sharply, shocked with the base and sadistic cruelty of the man.

Yay that you have split up with him - well done! Disgusting vile little man.

It's fun coming up with crushing replies, but sadly it's probably best to ignore ignore ignore. So take a screenshot with date clearly visible, and the sender, and then banish it from your mind...

Wallywobbles · 01/11/2016 02:45

I have seen an interview about this but the interviewee was very much of the opposite opinion saying that big labia make for better sex as they caress the penis.

So....looks like he's wrong again.

This is just the kind of comment my ex would make. I'm surprised he never thought of it. He told me I was physically repugnant when I was pregnant. They are comments that stay forever. But with time you see them differently.

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