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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex DH has really upset me.....

342 replies

Severino · 31/10/2016 22:32

I separated from DH at Christmas time. There was a lot of financial stuff and EA and it's been a tough year (he is nice one minute then vile the next) but definitely the right thing for us all long term.
This week he told me has met someone else. I'm fine with that, pleased actually as maybe he will stop hassling me a bit. But tonight he just sent me a text 'for my own good - for future relationships' saying I should have my Labia cut back as it's such a turn off, men hate it and he wishes he'd told me even before we got married. For some reason this has completely floored me, I feel so upset. Of course I know I'm not the most attractive down there but to me a loving relationship goes way beyond that kind of thing? Maybe it's not as nice for men as a neat one, but surely we all come in different shapes and sizes and no one is perfect and we accept and love our partners for how they are. I would never have a cosmetic operation such as that anyway but I just feel so humiliated that he has spelt it out to me. I actually am not looking for another relationship at all but I feel he has totally sullied the final aspect of the relationship we had. Everything else was crap, now it seems the sex was too.

OP posts:
fuzzywuzzy · 02/11/2016 11:20

he sounds so utterly vile I find it difficult to believe he has any basis for comparison of labias.

We all pretty much look the same down there.

OP have you considered having a mobile just for contact and get yourself a phone for you only check the contact phone when child contact is coming up or kids are with him. Switch your current number to payg and only check it when necessary.
That way you can minimise how much upset he can cause.

Personally I find nothing wrong with having minimum contact with your ex, your showing your children you do not allow people to abuse you, you don't have it be chatty if he is not kind to you. Why should you be, what lesson does that teach your children anyway?

RockyBird · 02/11/2016 11:32

Some of the responses on here were fantastic but 100% behind everyone who says best response is no response.

Spookle · 02/11/2016 12:11

Just seen your last update and you have a great attitude op. just think how pissed off he would be if he knew you had turned his nastiness into more strength for yourself.

Best wishes to you for your free life.

Stormtreader · 02/11/2016 13:02

"Id gladly have them be twice as big if it kept you away twice as much!" Grin

skilledintheartofnothing · 02/11/2016 13:20

wow, he is really pissed off he didn't get the reaction he wanted to his first text, so now he is changing tact.
Stay strong OP and remember you are worth 100 times this loser and hiss bullsh*t

ravenmum · 02/11/2016 13:21

Don't know what messaging app you are using but you might consider having it set up so that his messages are usually blocked and you just check them at certain times of day. That way you don't have to worry about receiving something that makes your blood boil at any given moment.

Arfarfanarf · 02/11/2016 13:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jangleduke · 03/11/2016 10:43

OP, YOU ROCK

pictish · 03/11/2016 11:03

YY agree with no response being the best thing, while being polite and civil in person. Take away his platform.

I think he'll ramp it up further still because he was expecting a bullseye. He'll feel deprived of his big moment when you don't give it to him so I guess he'll push it a bit more. I think you're ready for him though.

PoohBearsHole · 03/11/2016 11:58

OP, I would have been tempted to put some dried up old biltong/beef jerky in an envelope and say "I took your advice" and hand it over to him.

But I'm guessing that isn't polite or cordial :)

jangleduke · 03/11/2016 12:19

poohbearshole:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

fi775 · 03/11/2016 12:27

That would make the most amazing xmas gift for him.....I'd do that all nicely gift wrapped.....with a note saying 'took your advice, merry christmas, enjoy your Christmas dinner dickface'

AxminsterCarpet · 03/11/2016 13:33

PoohBearsHole - GENIUS!!!

Genuinely weeping with laughter here!! Grin

OP - I dare ya! Wink

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 03/11/2016 13:46

What an absolute idiot he is. You are awesome OP.

I think I would have been tempted to reply with 'thanks for that, I have all the evidence I need' and then not engage further. It would drive him mad not knowing! Tempted, but probably wouldn't. After all, it would just invite more comments.

Congratulations on your divorce! Flowers

SirVixofVixHall · 03/11/2016 14:39

Weird, creepy, thick and teenage. Ugggh. The messages made me feel a bit green, the second one was somehow even worse, with the smarm and oilyness and pathetic attempt to manipulate you further. How can he ever be a good parent to a child of either sex when he so transparently hates women and is desparately trying to cover his own huge inadequacies? I agree that you must keep a record of this and the other unpleasant abusive messages, including the abusive texts to your parents. Log them with your solicitor. Really grim. Flowers Wine Cake for you OP.

Cucumber5 · 03/11/2016 17:42

Could you say something like 'as usual you are nice one minute, then manipulative the next. I am not going to be involved in your games anymore'

Bitofacow · 04/11/2016 15:19

Just been thinking about this.

I can't actually imagine anyone - male or female - getting to the point where you get a look at somones 'bits' and saying...

"nope that's just too horrid, I was going to, I'm all ready to go but now I've seen that, thanks but no thanks"

Yep he is a total tosser.

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