Ex DH has really upset me.....

[Severino]

I separated from DH at Christmas time. There was a lot of financial stuff and EA and it's been a tough year (he is nice one minute then vile the next) but definitely the right thing for us all long term.
This week he told me has met someone else. I'm fine with that, pleased actually as maybe he will stop hassling me a bit. But tonight he just sent me a text 'for my own good - for future relationships' saying I should have my Labia cut back as it's such a turn off, men hate it and he wishes he'd told me even before we got married. For some reason this has completely floored me, I feel so upset. Of course I know I'm not the most attractive down there but to me a loving relationship goes way beyond that kind of thing? Maybe it's not as nice for men as a neat one, but surely we all come in different shapes and sizes and no one is perfect and we accept and love our partners for how they are. I would never have a cosmetic operation such as that anyway but I just feel so humiliated that he has spelt it out to me. I actually am not looking for another relationship at all but I feel he has totally sullied the final aspect of the relationship we had. Everything else was crap, now it seems the sex was too.

[thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter]

'Yeah shame they can't fix you being a dickhead though'.

What a nasty shallow, nit picking arse he is, how on earth did you let a gem like him slip between your fingers?

Honestly, I'd be tempted to reply back 'Seriously? Is that the best you can come up with?' or totally throw him by texting back something unrelated like 'well that episode of walking dead was shocking eh?' Either he's trying to stick the knife in/get a rise (given your OP it sounds plausible for an EA person to say that, I'm assuming it's a last ditched attempt at lashing out/to hurt you for not wanting to be with him anymore) or he really is that thick/shallow - either way you've dodged a bullet, well done for getting rid.

[Lapinlapin]

Well it's clear you are well rid of him. What a horrible thing to say. And what nonsense.

What's weird though is surely if he's in a new relationship and all loved up then he wouldn't be thinking of his past? It doesn't exactly sound as though he's really moved on.

[mamma12]

What a truly bizarre man he is. Why on earth would he feel the need to say something like that to you. I wonder if it's perhaps to try to demean you into feeling shit about yourself so that he can somehow control you from afar. I'd honestly text him back and say thanks for that insight, while we're on the subject I'd like to suggest you get a penis enlargement. Don't take any notice of him whatsoever.

[pictish]

I agree it's about asserting control. With that message he has smashed through your boundaries to tell you that you are inadequate in the cruelest way he could think of. What a god awful sad sack of a man that he should feel the need. I agree his new partner is in for a treat.

Seriously, it is not ok for your ex to be messaging you to say these things - you're no longer a couple and he's no more than any man in the street to you now. If you got this message from anyone else you'd consider contacting the police owing to the monstrosity of it.
Although the arsehole clearly thinks he is, he is not entitled to harass and humiliate you like that.
Disgusting conduct on his part.
Foul creature. You are well rid.

[RockyBird]

As a PP said he sent that to try to mess you up for your next relationship.

It says more about him than you.

Your next partner will love your labia I'm willing to bet.

Lucky escape there. All the best.

[pringlecat]

Wow. Well done that man for managing to think of the most cruel and hurtful comment possible.

Some men prefer skinny women, others are happy with curvier ones. Some prefer shaved, others au naturel. But I seriously can't believe any have a preference over the shape of labia...! Try not to take it to heart.

Really spectacular attempt at making you feel like shit. A douchebag man like that deserves to be on his own forever.

[Leatherboundanddown]

This is absolutely shocking.

The best thing you can do is IGNORE. Anything he sends you, IGNORE. He wants you to react.

You also need to read the book 'why does he do that' by Lundy Bancroft. Buy it now!

[LouisvilleLlama]

Also just as there's preferences for "tidy" labia, some men do prefer larger labia also!

[Myusernameismyusername]

Argh that is awful! I'm beside myself with rage!

[PickAChew]

There's only one ugly twat, here, and it's not your nethers.

[Bluntness100]

Honestly, just text him back and comment on his genitals in the same way. Then close it with saying you've asked the last man you were with and he is happy, but thanks anyway,

Don't cry and don't take it to heart, he's being an arse.

[Didactylos]

Its not you and your body that is the problem: its him, his mind and his warped cruelty
Hes retrospectively devaluing and trying to destroy what your relationship was, your perception of it as well as your confidence in your body
lets be honest - if it was a problem, and if it was so awful how and why did he manage to have a sexual relationship and marriage until you separated

send him a text commenting he should consider having a personality transplant, its just advice for his own good and to help him in future relationships because being an abusive hoofwanker is an incredible turnoff

[Lapinlapin]

Actually do you still need to have contact with him? Obviously if you have dc then it's difficult, but if not, and provided you don have any more financial stuff to sort out, then I'd simply ignore him. Just don't reply at all to anything he sends you. He sounds like the sort of person who would hate being ignored.

[ChuckGravestones]

I literally would respond with 'LOL. Still thinking about my labia, eh? You really need to move on dear. You crack me up.'

[TimTamTerror]

I have never, ever heard a man comment on a woman's labia. Really never, not in real life, not in the media, not positively, not negatively, just no comments on the matter. Given how quick some people are to sexualise and criticise women's (and men's) anatomy, I have to conclude that nobody in the world gives a flying fuck about anybody's labia. Your ex is being a total arse and making stuff up.

[stealtheatingtunnocks]

"get them clipped" - does he think that labia are like toenails?

[Myusernameismyusername]

I would probably do what Chuck said but then it's not good to invite him to say more creepy awful stuff

[LadyMoth]

OMG how awful OP. I'd be horribly hurt and upset too. But please don't let his bullying make you feel there's actually anything wrong with you - there isn't. I suspect he wants to bring you down (because he's insecure, and for leaving him) and at some level he knows you don't give a crap about him seeing someone, so he has to hurt you another way. He has to scrape the barrel for something to be mean about because deep down he knows he is the nasty piece of work, not you.

Like a PP I've never even thought about differences in labia and what other people's are like. Who cares! And I have never heard of a man not being keen on sex for a reason like this - it's bollocks surely.

I separated from my ex recently and although we're supposedly amicable, there are many things about him that still make me upset or angry. So many times I've thought "I'm SO glad he's not my partner now". This is just one of those. Be happy that this man no longer gets to go anywhere near your perfect lady bits!

.

[HarrietSchulenberg]

If I was being childish I'd be tempted to text back, "Thanks for the top tip, I'll be sure to bear that in mind. In the spirit of helpfulness, you'll be pleased to know that cheap surgery could make your penis resemble a real man's cock and not the aged turkey's neck that you have at the moment. Don't thank me, you deserve nothing less".
Then I might screenshot the whole thing and forward to the new lucky lady in his life.
Alternatively, I might mentally thank him for finally completing the Arsehole Jigsaw which led you to split up in the first place. And he is an arsehole. One with little experience of women's bodies, it would appear.

[FlapsTie]

Reply with 'are you saying I have an ugly twat? Well I suppose it takes one to know one'.

[AnyFucker]

So, this is what I would do

Do not give this comment the oxygen he thinks it deserves. Completely deadpan it. Carry on like he has not said a word. Cool. Detached. Slightly bored.

Then a few months from now, when he has forgotten what he has said, he will meet with an accident in the gent's bogs down the pub. He will find himself on the floor with his balls kicked until they are black. And stretched right down to his kneecaps. He could never connect it with you though.

Do you know some friendly chaps who would help a girl out like that ?

Or keep it as a delicious fantasy. Both work.

[CalleighDoodle]

'Thank you for your concern. Im so glad we can be honest with each other. Since we are being honest, there are a number of ways you could make your penis a more appealing size to women. Size matters.' Would be my temptation to reply. However sensible me would probably just block and ignore.

[leaveittothediva]

What the actual fuck.?. That is just unbelievably nasty, I'm glad you got rid of him, he sounds horrible. I'd bet he didn't exactly have diamonds on his dick either. Ignore him. He's somebody else's nightmare now. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Don't let him get you down. In fact his text tells me all I need to know about him, he's a douchebag.

[HarrietSchulenberg]

Oh, and I'd make sure this was on his Christmas and Birthday card till the day he dropped dead.