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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex DH has really upset me.....

342 replies

Severino · 31/10/2016 22:32

I separated from DH at Christmas time. There was a lot of financial stuff and EA and it's been a tough year (he is nice one minute then vile the next) but definitely the right thing for us all long term.
This week he told me has met someone else. I'm fine with that, pleased actually as maybe he will stop hassling me a bit. But tonight he just sent me a text 'for my own good - for future relationships' saying I should have my Labia cut back as it's such a turn off, men hate it and he wishes he'd told me even before we got married. For some reason this has completely floored me, I feel so upset. Of course I know I'm not the most attractive down there but to me a loving relationship goes way beyond that kind of thing? Maybe it's not as nice for men as a neat one, but surely we all come in different shapes and sizes and no one is perfect and we accept and love our partners for how they are. I would never have a cosmetic operation such as that anyway but I just feel so humiliated that he has spelt it out to me. I actually am not looking for another relationship at all but I feel he has totally sullied the final aspect of the relationship we had. Everything else was crap, now it seems the sex was too.

OP posts:
Dontaskmegoogleit · 01/11/2016 18:01

He's a dick wipe.
Congratulations on getting confirmation you're well rid !

georgethecat · 01/11/2016 19:32

What a horrible person. What a vile thing to say....pitiful and (even to say childish is a insult to children).

Pathetic worm. Your foof is fine, this bloke has serious problems trying to control your future relationships - see it for what it is & pity his new girlfriend......she really does need your pity.

Bitofacow · 01/11/2016 19:37

You are well out of that one.

Wave bye bye to that relationship with a big smile. So long sucker.

seven201 · 01/11/2016 19:37

He is such a vile excuse for a human being. You sound amazing; so strong and empowered. He has lost you for good. Good! Enjoy the rest of your life without him bringing you down.

sanityisamyth · 01/11/2016 19:40

Couldn't read and run. What a bastard. You are soooooo much better off without him.

Don't worry about "down there". Every woman is different and every man has different preferences.

Don't dwell on him or his vile comments. He's not worth it xxx

Blackfellpony · 01/11/2016 20:31

That is literally the most disgusting message I've ever read.

Hope your feeling better OP Smile

MotherFuckingChainsaw · 01/11/2016 20:49

You have been awesome and dignified OP

My fantasy response would be

'Thanks for the heads up, no worries though, my new girlfriend fucking LOVES my minge. Bit of free advice for you though. Women love good oral. You seriously need to revisit your technique if you're gonna keep your new girlfriend ;)'

HollyCarrot · 01/11/2016 21:01

You are SO right for not replying but "I wish you had told me sooner too, I could have slapped you with them"

Anyway, well done you, it's clearly bothering him if he's messaging your folks etc. Sad little man. KOKO Flowers

Severino · 01/11/2016 21:06

UPDATE!!!
we've got him all wrong - he only wants me to be happy 😂😂

Please let's stay friends. With all my heart I want for you to be happy and content which is why I sent what I did yesterday. We have wonderful children and keeping them as stable as possible is paramount and if they can see us jokey and friendly that is so much better for them. I really don't want them picking up on any animosity. Let's try please? 😊

This is him all over which is why it's been so difficult to break away. Nice one minute, abusive the next....

OP posts:
HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 01/11/2016 21:09

He's fucking nuts.

Anyway, do carry on not responding at all. He's not going to know what to do.

HollyCarrot · 01/11/2016 21:11

Why is he so desperate for non essential communication??

Severino · 01/11/2016 21:21

He'all be over in the morning for school run.i shall leave for work immediately on arrival.
But now I will look like the churlish one not replying when he has been 'so reasonable'
He is cunning and manipulative and I seriously don't know how to get out of this without him dominating me on and on.
Just hoping and praying the Freedom Prgramme gives me some good help

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 01/11/2016 21:22

It's not nice but actually I think your silence unsettled him. He was expecting a reaction. Don't give it to him

HellsBellsnBucketsofBlood · 01/11/2016 21:24

Nah - he hasn't been reasonable. Just blank him/it. And if he tries to have a conversation about it, try a quizzical look and just say 'you're my ex, love, so your opinion is frankly irrelevant' (and then make your exit).

birdybirdywoofwoof · 01/11/2016 21:24

Oh God, he really is a psycho.

Just say, 'Hiya, I'm off'.

If he tries anything, say something like, 'I'm fine, but lets be clear, we're not friends. We're co-parents. Ok.'

Mumofttwins · 01/11/2016 21:25

Oh for fuck sake......what a knob!!!

Not replying to personal messages should not make you look unreasonable. Not replying to a message regarding the DC could make you look unreasonable, but I doubt you'll do the second option!

I love how you're more in control..........keep strong, you're doing amazing. And he bloody knows it!

birdybirdywoofwoof · 01/11/2016 21:26

I wonder how he is explaining (to himself) what he sent your parents? Was that to make you happy and content too?

He is an awful man.

Shakey15000 · 01/11/2016 21:30

No you won't look churlish. He, however, will look increasingly desperate. A civil greeting will suffice. Fuck him and his "jokes". Twat.

Stick to your guns, you're doing fab Smile

HollyCarrot · 01/11/2016 21:30

Severino I think you are doing perfectly well, he's obviously pissed off that you're not taking the bait so is trying to escalate for a response. Don't give it to him! Well done you Flowers

Orangetoffee · 01/11/2016 21:32

No that second text does not make him 'reasonable', it is still as nasty and vile as the first one, just sugar coated.

Don't reply.

Heatherjayne1972 · 01/11/2016 21:33

I think you should ignore his texts unless it concerns the Children
With my EA/violent ex I use the 8 hour rule - unless it's emergency dont even think about responding for 8 hours then decide if it needs a response ( doesnt normally)

birdybirdywoofwoof · 01/11/2016 21:33

If he does say anything face to face, and you really can't avoid him, you could say something like...

'So you want to be rude to me and to my parents, yet you want me to suck it up, and be jokey and friendly when I see you? I see.'

Anniegetyourgun · 01/11/2016 21:33

Do you know, I think that "let's be friends" text is even more disgusting than the other one. It's certainly just as big a lie.

intravenouscoffee · 01/11/2016 21:34

He's an attention seeking little prick isn't he?

Enjoy the Freedom Programme. You sound fab OP.

bialystockandbloom · 01/11/2016 21:37

What an absolute fucking arsehole Angry

That last message is fucking pathetic - ultra controlling. Basically trying to turn this around that it's you who are the unreasonable one because you don't want to be friends with someone who gives you the most spiteful childish insult they can think of. Classic bullying controlling behaviour.

What a despicable fucking cunt he is OP, I am so glad for you you're rid of him.