Could I maybe have a hand hold?

[Offred]

I think I have reached my gone too far and I don't care anymore moment this week. BF has a habit of repeatedly texting until I respond this occurred on weds evening when I was putting the children to bed. It was their usual bedtime and we have been seeing each other for over 3 1/2 years.

When I got the messages (asking how I was) I replied... then nothing for 2 days....

The next set of messages were basically about him trying to set up a weekend of sex where I would be required to pay for the accommodation. He has been obsessing over this for around a week even though I have not reciprocated any interest at all (going through a tough time ATM) and he is unaware I can hear him on the phone trying to be covert speaking to ppl while he was in the bath.

Friday is my graduation. I didn't really feel enthused about going to the ceremony but he (and others) convinced me I should and would enjoy it and said he would come to help mitigate the effects of seeing my mum.

I am graduating in Manchester and have had to arrange xh having kids for an extra night so I can go. Turns out he was trying to arrange accommodation in Stafford for the whole weekend despite me discussing childcare difficulties etc and him knowing it is my weekend with the children.

He basically jibbed me off on Friday and Saturday this weekend so I haven't given him the opportunity to do it Sunday as well and then just swan in expecting sex on Friday.

I just feel done.

I have spent the last month achieving a much greater degree of detachment and have been fostering some great friendships.

I am quite scared that I am going to get the fear like every other time and fall back into this really crappy relationship so please hold my hand?

This is the previous thread chain btw;

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2740624-It-has-all-got-worse

am sorry it's this news. Non progressive but still a lot to come to terms with.
Take care
And keep posting Re: CSM

Please help me get through this evening?

DD started at her new school yesterday and has had a meltdown this evening. I am feeling rather desperate and alone between NC with CSM, probs with unsupportive parents and ex H who is meant to have DC tonight but has basically just shrugged his shoulders and left me to it. I have a migraine....

and nurofen + emoji for you offred.

I understand you might not want my attempts at help but you're dealing with all this so well. It's one day, one evening and you'll wake up stronger and hopefully pain free.

Offred.

You and I have argued many times in the past under other usernames, but I have always respected your honesty and desire to help others.

Are you in a position now to be ruthlessly honest about the reliable support you have (very little as I read it) and make plans to be able to cope with everything life throws at you?

Your supposed "partner" is a taker. He is giving you nothing of value. You do not need this man. Your DC do not need this man. YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Oh god red don't be silly!! That's given me a little tear!

I have virtually no support. Only things to cope with and this is despite me repeatedly reaching out to everyone I am supposed to when I am supposed to...

It is truly rubbish.

Living without support had clearly made you strong as you've had to rely on yourself. Don't be tempted to lean on the wrong people in your life. I lean on anyone close to me just because I want some support even if it's from the wrong people. Today sounds shite but things might be different tomorrow.

How's the migraine?

I think we are in probably quite a similar position. I only have the one son, but hes high needs and is now legally an adult. It is fucking TIRING to try to meet his needs and my own, and I'm always at risk of accepting shit on my own behalf that I would never accept for my son.

My son recently told me "You have been my mum and my dad when I needed it". I can't tell you how I felt about that. Proud to have been that, but sad for him that I had to. I know you know this feeling!

It's manageable right now. I need to really get to sleep but DD is still in meltdown (since about 4pm :() and only just starting to come around.

DS has stayed home too and is currently cuddling in my bed with me.

I'm so fucking unbelievably angry with XH right now too. He's just a spectacular PA twat who thoroughly enjoyed watching me struggle today and walking away.

He sounds like a low arsehole. Who walks away from that situation? What does he get out of it?

I can't imagine how you can cope with a meltdown. I get crazy stressed by dd just having a 40 minute tantrum.

Aww, I love snuggles in bed with dd.

He gets the PA satisfaction of punishing me for leaving him (more than 3 years ago now).

Two of SW crap ideas were get back with the arsehole and ask my horribly crap parents to help out...

The one time I did that my mum had a massive hysterical screaming fit at a policeman who had told her she needed to take DD whether she wanted to go or not because I was not safe to be left alone with her (she was threatening to stab me while I slept)... policeman didn't know what to do but fortunately DD came out of the meltdown before he needed to leave and he was ok with leaving her.

Fortunately this meltdown the worst that has happened is she has barricaded herself in her bedroom and opened all of 3/4 advent calendars.

From what I've read on here, the last thing you need is your parents 'help' and your exes of course!

I've hidden dds calendar on top of the fridge. She knows what it is cos we went to the shop together and she's tried to climb on the bin to get it ! New hiding place needed.

Hope you get some sleep.

Yes, I know!

Oh Offred will you be eligible for any sort of support care for you and the DC?

Are you in pain? There are a lot of choices of medication to keep that under control.
As SW about help they can provide to you, for yourself. I have someone come in for an hour a week to help withhoovering (which I can't do, and which dh won't do). I am deeply ashamed of having that much help from society, but I really do need it.

Despite my shame, I love having the people come round. It brings a bit of fresh air, and they tell me everything that's happening in the town and a lot more esides.

Initially, I had 15 hours a week, rising to 21 during the school hols. I needed it then but not now.

They can give you so much help, though they're even more underfunded now than they were back when dd was a toddler.

Ask your SW.

I've asked. The answer was 'you need to ask the GP for counselling and rely on your parents'.

Feeling a bit better. DD's meltdown was about fears that school is going to end up being bad. She's more rational now and sleeping in my bed.

Going to get to sleep myself. Tomorrow is a new day.

I'm very lucky, I don't have pain. I have unsteadiness on my feet, some fatigue, peripheral neuropathy on my right side and periodic vision problems. Periodic migraines which may be nothing to do with the MS I don't know yet. Haven't yet seen anyone other than for DX.

How are you feeling this morning? Is dd ok, did she sleep?

She slept I didn't but she got to school. Thank god.

Oh and I feel absolutely and completely wrecked emotionally and physically.

I can't drive so I have to walk DD to the new school which is further than the old one and is not so easy with me being unsteady on my feet with dodgy vision!

I'm just going to have a bath and a proper mope until school kicking out time.

Bloody hell Offred I saw you on another thread yesterday and I certainly wouldn't have known all of this horror was going on in your life. I'm so sorry it is, and I wish I could help you somehow. 💐

Offred have a bath a and a few
just offering virtual support.
I also have none IRL and I don't have the issues you have at the moment, you're impressive.
You're doing great. Be kind to you.

I know it is stupid (and normal) but I just wish I could have a small laugh and a cuddle with CSM and have him tell me 'it'll be fine and if it's not fine it'll still be fine'. I'm not going to contact him because I know it is my maladaptive coping mechanism, he is a net taker from my life in a major way and every other good and sensible reason.

Like the bear hunt analogy on another thread - got to go through it. And I have several hours to just utterly pity myself before i put my mum hat on again.

Poor utterly lovely DS who hugged me when I cried last night, stroked my hair, told me jokes and massaged my shoulders.