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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he just going to keep breaking up with me?

249 replies

Username789 · 26/10/2016 14:15

So my boyfriend of only 6 months has now broke up with 3 times already!

Each time we very quickly get back together, with hours or a day, the thing is we do not argue when he does this he just thinks I am getting fed up with him and going to break up with him so he runs. He has said he doesn't feel good enough for me and he's a bit insecure and he does not want to be hurt.

I realise how childish this sounds, I am 37 and he is 40 though, both of us have children from previous relationships.

So he just broke up with me again for the 3rd time a few days ago and I thought to myself: this is it, there is no way I'm taking him back this time, I am not going to be a fool. However we talked via messaging and we decided to get back together and he is coming over tonight. He has said he will not run away again, that he will talk to me instead.

I just don't want to keep going round in circles it's not healthy and I feel a bit unstable in the relationship as its only been 6 months and all this drama!

I obviously love him very much, he makes me laugh so so much, I can be myself around him, he is very kind and caring, he is a great lover, he is like my best friend now - it was pretty intense from the beginning.

I want to try again one more time I just don't know if it is wise to do so? Any advice please?

OP posts:
Deadsouls · 07/12/2016 20:39

Dear OP, blocking is difficult. So well done for making this step.
I really would recommend joining a forum for narcissistic abuse to support you in your No contact. The first weeks of withdrawing can feel hard and it's tempting to want to make contact again. You've taken a step though and that's massive

pinkyredrose · 08/12/2016 12:01

How are you feeling today OP? Hope you are staying strong. You deserve so much more than this guy was giving you.

bummymummy77 · 08/12/2016 12:15

Keep him blocked. I had an ex that used to change numbers every time I blocked him. Ugh. We did the break up thing over 30 times. Do you want to be me? Nope it's miserable. And believe me you'll look back and be embarrassed. Flowers

Original poster
Username789 · 08/12/2016 17:14

Im ok thanks, its my late Mum's birthday today so I have just been thinking about her and trying to keep busy, I have ordered a few self help/inspirational books to read

OP posts:
PsychedelicSheep · 08/12/2016 20:40

You're doing really well, keep it up! 💪🏼 Post here for encouragement if you have a wobble

pinkyredrose · 09/12/2016 21:10

So sorry to hear about your DM must've been such an emotional day Flowers

Stay strong OP, you're doing great.

twattymctwatterson · 19/12/2016 20:49

You've not been back to the thread for a while op, how is it going?

Original poster
Username789 · 02/08/2017 18:27

So it's been a long time, I am ashamed to say I got back with him and the cycle continued, he lost his temper around a further 12 times and walked out then broke up.

I feel so pathetic because I kept thinking he would change and settle down stop being insecure and stop with the breaking up.

You all told me so last year, he always sucks me back in but last time on Friday was different because I didn't care that he walked out and told me I should be single, I actually really saw for the first time the blatant emotional manipulation and contempt in his eyes, there have been no tears from me and I haven't spoke to him and I will not. I've finally had enough.

OP posts:
tribpot · 02/08/2017 18:32

How did you get back with him after you last posted? Did you unblock/make first contact with him? You need to focus on what caused you to go back in December if you're going to stay strong this time.

Original poster
Username789 · 02/08/2017 18:36

He came round to my house wouldn't go away until I talked to him which I did I couldn't bring myself to call police on him.

OP posts:
tribpot · 02/08/2017 19:39

So what are you prepared to do this time? He knows this pressure tactic works.

Original poster
Username789 · 02/08/2017 19:47

I will call the police if he won't leave this time, I honestly don't care about him anymore, it's like something in me snapped and I can't go back to being in love with him.

I just wanted to post in case it might help someone in s similar situation to realise that patterns and cycles in these kind of relationships don't change however much you want them to.

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 02/08/2017 19:54

Not RTFT. I'd be inclined to dump him.
Give him a choice. He stops the childishness or you dump him.
You are not his ex or anyone else. He trusts you or he's dumped.
BTW I think you are far too invested in the relationship - best friends etc YOu both have children. You need to think about looking after your own kids not having this man in your life.

C0untDucku1a · 02/08/2017 19:55

This man is very controlling op. He doesnt love you. It has aways been about wearing you down to get you under his control. Ensure you block him on everything. Eveb change your number. Can you have someone vome round if he shows up? Please dont even answer the door. Theres no need to open it or speak to him. If he refuses to leave the doorstep and starts getting aggressive then you phone the police.

C0untDucku1a · 02/08/2017 19:56

mike please make time to rtft Hmm

Original poster
Username789 · 02/08/2017 20:17

He's threating suicide now which he did last time I said I wasn't going back, which I cannot cope with as my sister took her own life nearly two years ago. Last time I called the ambulance as he said he took 50 pills which he didn't more like 5

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 02/08/2017 20:22

How do you know? I thought he was blocked?! Anyway i read once is someone is threatening suicide to phone 999 because they are either going to do it and need an ambulance or are menally ill and need help anyway.

C0untDucku1a · 02/08/2017 20:23

He is upping the methods of control op. Seriously you need help with dealing with him. Can you Phone non-emergency police for advice? Check claire's law too.

MikeUniformMike · 02/08/2017 20:24

Thanks C0unt. I did.

Oh boy. This guy didn't want OP. He wanted a mother for his children and a shag.
OP would never be good for him. Not even if her ex evaporated/disappeared in a puff of smoke. It would then be her DC would be a problem. Then it would be ...
Controlling creep.
Well Username789. Don't call an ambulance, call a friend of his or his relative or call social services. Get rid. You need to block this man out of your life completely. You are not safe and neither is your DC.

Other MNers. Please advise on how OP can get rid of this nutter. Legal suggestions only please.

AnyFucker · 02/08/2017 20:31

You are getting sucked back in again

Round and round you go

Ignore his threats of suicide. They are the ultimate manipulation. Don't call an ambulance, don't call anyone. He won't do it. On the very off chance he does, that would be his choice and tbh, IMO, one less abusive person in the world is not such a bad prospect

FetchezLaVache · 02/08/2017 20:41

OP, I am so sorry to hear about your sister.

Presumably this prince of a man knows what happened, so threatening you with suicide is just beneath contempt. He's the lowest of the low for trying a tactic that is so obviously going to open wounds.

You know he won't go through with it because he's SHOWN you he won't go through with it - it's just another manipulation tactic. Please don't waste any more of your time on him.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 02/08/2017 20:43

Block him properly. Do not ever speak to him ever again. No matter what.

CashewNut11 · 02/08/2017 20:46

He's playing you. This is what he does. Your relationship is not just when you're together but also when he separates from you. He's manipulating you by never letting you settle, and this makes you more and more dependent on him for your 'emotional well being'.

Step back from this, look at yourself, look at him. Where will you be in 6 month's... 3 month's... 1 month's time?

When is this going to stop for good?

Flowers
Original poster
Username789 · 02/08/2017 21:03

Yes he knows about my sister and he knows how much I have and still am struggling with it.

I called non emergency police they said it sounds like manipulation and I messaged him mum, finding it hard to deal with

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 02/08/2017 21:10

Username789. A big hug for you. Be strong. Think of yourself and DC.