Is he just going to keep breaking up with me?

[Username789]

So my boyfriend of only 6 months has now broke up with 3 times already!

Each time we very quickly get back together, with hours or a day, the thing is we do not argue when he does this he just thinks I am getting fed up with him and going to break up with him so he runs. He has said he doesn't feel good enough for me and he's a bit insecure and he does not want to be hurt.

I realise how childish this sounds, I am 37 and he is 40 though, both of us have children from previous relationships.

So he just broke up with me again for the 3rd time a few days ago and I thought to myself: this is it, there is no way I'm taking him back this time, I am not going to be a fool. However we talked via messaging and we decided to get back together and he is coming over tonight. He has said he will not run away again, that he will talk to me instead.

I just don't want to keep going round in circles it's not healthy and I feel a bit unstable in the relationship as its only been 6 months and all this drama!

I obviously love him very much, he makes me laugh so so much, I can be myself around him, he is very kind and caring, he is a great lover, he is like my best friend now - it was pretty intense from the beginning.

I want to try again one more time I just don't know if it is wise to do so? Any advice please?

Do not cave

How many more times are you going to do this ?

So he didn't attempt suicide, he went back on the dating website where we met, told me he'd already pulled and now this morning he's declaring his love and that we can still work it out before I drive him into the arms of another woman.

He's so all over the place!

I'm taking his stuff and his sons stuff back to him this afternoon and then going full non contact.

Please stick to it this time and don't keep inflicting this man on your child. If I was her father I'd be looking into legal action to remove her from this situation.

Do you have to see him in person? That would be a bad idea.

Can't you leave it in bin bags outside and text him.

My daughter adores him, that will be the hardest part, she will really miss him and yeah unfortunately his sons TV is here so I can't just leave that on the doorstep.

Get somebody else to drop the stuff off

You are deliberately putting yourself in harm's way

And this man is damaging your daughter. It makes no difference that she "adores" him...you as the adult and her parent should be protecting her from men like this

I don't have anyone who could drop it off for me today, I won't get out my car, he can just collect it from there and I'll go. I want it to be over so I want his stuff back to him asap.

So I dropped his stuff off, it was all very civil, I gave him a hug said I won't be contacting him again, he said he's always at the end of a phone.

Now I'm feeling emotional, I was in tears driving back but I know it's the right decision.

It was the right decision. Now you need to move ahead.
Without him. Well done.
Just remember if you go back to him, it will just be drip drip drip all over again and again and again. It might hurt for a while but you'll get over him and one day you'll look back and wonder how on earth you put up with him.

Yeah I know I can't go back, thanks Mike you have been lovely with great advice.

I haven't read through the whole thread but I see that you've found the courage to end it. I understand why you did this, and it probably is the right choice but he sounds like he has mental health issues to me. Have you read about bipolar personality disorder and general anxiety. He's textbook.
If he genuinely is ill and cannot help his behaviour then it's a terrible shame that he's now lost you. A simple trip to his GP could have helped him overcome the issues.
If it's not his mental health behind all this then he's just a knob.

Well done OP! Thanks for the update, I remember your thread.

I keep getting panicky feelings like I've made a terrible mistake and an overwhelming urge to contact him. I haven't and I know I can't it's just hard.

You have not made a mistake. Busy yourself.

Yeah I know that really Duck, I have been keeping myself busy the last 3 days, I guess I've just stopped today and started thinking too much.

Just keep reminding yourself that he is a dick head.

Op I have just read your thread I have some different views as a few others have said on here.

Can I ask why you broke up with your x - I have been questioning why if someone has an amicable relationship for the sake of DC why they were not able to save their marriage?

hairygrowler - do you write off everyone with MH issues?

op most of the posters on here have their own issues to deal with - they think they are sorted but they are not - people's advice comes from different perspectives - my instinct is that most of these still have huge trust issues and deep hurt - they have not dealt with these - they have chosen to "protect" themselves instead. I get why it takes a huge amount of self inspection, courage and effort to deal with our deepest demons. Going no contact is a protection -healing is when you have gone beyond this and no longer feel hurt by another's actions as you realise it is their issues and not you.

This guy has huge issues as do most of us - very few are healed from our own dysfunctional childhoods it is far easier to put these feelings aside to carry on with life - but these feelings are part of life - all we are doing is shutting part of ourselves down to carry on - some chose to remain single, others go no contact with family and friends - these are not 'whole' people - these are still hurt and damaged people!

The ones who have said they found someone who stuck by them are the lucky ones - to find someone who can tolerate let alone still love us when we are at our ugliest is love -it's easy to love someone when everything's rosy - far harder when it is challenging. Dysfunctional adults are children who were not given unconditional love from their parents - it's easy to get kids to behave by "bribery" - this transcends into adulthood - what is needed is time and talking - most of us don't have enough time we want a quick fix - and most of us have never really learnt how to really communicate our true feelings. We are all scared of being hurt and so we avoid situations that inflict pain. But it takes true courage to be able to stay with some of these situations.

There is nothing wrong with you Op - I identify with some of your virtues - I also get the 95% good -5% shit - some people on here will not tolerate 5% shit - if they find happiness without having to do this they are extremely lucky - most I suspect will not and maybe years down the line they will be the ones questioning where did I go wrong?

Another one knocking MH

boxinghelena some other posters have mentioned "borderline", I second that. I have been with one too, and once you know the signs and patterns it is very easy to spot them in other stories

Christ I thought we were in an age now where we understood MH issues - seems not - do you think people choose to have these issues?

Let's hope we are not teaching our kids to avoid all those that are less than perfect otherwise there will be some very lonely people in the future - what's the statistic 1 in 3 with MH - what about ADHD, OCD are we not to get in relationships with these either because no doubt they will be less than rosy and need hard work!

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My ex did this once a month for 3 years (we were together for 7 altogether) before I finally told him to pack his bags and fuck off.

The cover up story/excuse was that he wanted to see I cared for him/he was insecure/ wanted my attention but it was nothing more than a controlling fucker destroying my self esteem.

Run for the hills, girl.

Hi green beret, broke up with my ex as we had started arguing in front of kids, we were both unhappy, sleeping in separate rooms for a year, living separate lives, having sex every few weeks etc.

After my sister took her own life, I realised I couldn't live a life of unhappiness anymore and wanted love and happiness. Which I thought I had found with him, we were so happy and in love at first, I have honestly never been so happy in my life, I actually counted up how many times he has stormed off and broke up with me and it is actually 20 times in 14 months. So I have given him and us enough chances, we do not work.

It was the final straw last Friday when he used something I had told him in confidence against me to deliberately hurt me as that is the only reason he could have said it and I would never dream of saying similar to him, then he walked out did not contact me for two days when we had my family BBQ to attend on the Saturday and I knew I couldn't keep living like that, never making plans in case he's not around.

OP i have read you have been through some tough life stages - the death of your mum and your sister taking her own life - this must have been very hard for you - i don't know the circumstances but maybe you have lived with MH issues with your sister.
there are other ways of looking at situations like this - there are always two sides - most on here are giving you one side - their side - maybe their aren't many to give you the other side? do most give up like you? do they cave at being labelled a MUG? some views are very strong on here and obviously come from a place of deep hurt.

People with high self esteem cannot be hurt by others - when they have worked on all their own issues and let them go rather than displace them they realise that conflict occurs from a place of fear - they will have no fear - they will have dealt with all their triggers - they will realise that the conflict arises from the others persons fear.
they will not need to react, protect or go no contact - they will be able to understand where the other person is coming from.

very few people have the strength or life experience to deal with this - maybe you have - you can seek support from "other" places that will keep your self esteem/self respect high - the people on here band about self -respect to protect themselves from further hurt.

in some ways the "support" you think you are being given here is just as damaging and brainwashing as what you think you are getting from this chap.

user - i get where you are coming from - so sad re you and X - especially if no one else involved.

i get everything else you have said too - i respect your decision to call it a day - i am happy to talk further if you want - you can Pm me.

whatever you do i hope you find love and happiness x

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