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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Is he just going to keep breaking up with me?

249 replies

Username789 · 26/10/2016 14:15

So my boyfriend of only 6 months has now broke up with 3 times already!

Each time we very quickly get back together, with hours or a day, the thing is we do not argue when he does this he just thinks I am getting fed up with him and going to break up with him so he runs. He has said he doesn't feel good enough for me and he's a bit insecure and he does not want to be hurt.

I realise how childish this sounds, I am 37 and he is 40 though, both of us have children from previous relationships.

So he just broke up with me again for the 3rd time a few days ago and I thought to myself: this is it, there is no way I'm taking him back this time, I am not going to be a fool. However we talked via messaging and we decided to get back together and he is coming over tonight. He has said he will not run away again, that he will talk to me instead.

I just don't want to keep going round in circles it's not healthy and I feel a bit unstable in the relationship as its only been 6 months and all this drama!

I obviously love him very much, he makes me laugh so so much, I can be myself around him, he is very kind and caring, he is a great lover, he is like my best friend now - it was pretty intense from the beginning.

I want to try again one more time I just don't know if it is wise to do so? Any advice please?

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 06/12/2016 23:42

HE HAS FINISHED WITH YOU FIVE TIMES IN SEVEN MONTHS!!!!!!!! WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PollytheDolly · 06/12/2016 23:47

He's completely fucked your head up hasn't he......

I wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire but I would put him out with a spade.

Yamadori · 06/12/2016 23:48

He says, he says, he says, he says, he says....

WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!!!
^ this

PickAChew · 06/12/2016 23:53

He's just not that into you.

pinkyredrose · 06/12/2016 23:57

He's a cunt

Pipsqueak11 · 07/12/2016 01:19

Can't you at least put your dds interests first . That would entail having a good and caring relationship with her dad. I can not believe you have so little respect for her or yourself that you put up with this idiot and that you think it is love ffs! It is pathetic- grow a pair be strong and do the right thing

Glastokitty · 07/12/2016 01:51

For the love of god woman have some self respect! This guy is a total head melter! I've been with my husband for decades and we haven't had one per cent of the drama you've had in six months! Listen to what EVERYONE on this thread is saying. You have a choice here, a life of drama and head-wrecking and fighting and control and break-ups and utter nightmare shit! Or tell him to fuck off and mean it, and find someone better. It won't be hard, he's an absolute fuckwit! If you really hated drama, you wouldn't be going back to it five times. Come on now, your life, and your childrens is in your hands, you know what you have to do.

twattymctwatterson · 07/12/2016 02:04

You sound utterly brainwashed honestly. He's gaslighting you in fact. I can tell from your posts that you've already decided to go back with him, that you accept this is all your fault and that you're going to let this man dictate the level of contact you have with the father of your child. Of course he won't be happy with just that, it'll then move on to friends and family members he feels are no good for you, random men you apparently flirt with, the way you dress, how you do the housework. See you next time you're giving us an update OP

Atlanticblue76 · 07/12/2016 08:14

At 6 months in, you should still be at the 'honeymoon' stage where you're trying to impress each other! If he's broken up with you three times already, this is a strong indication of how the relationship is going to be. You can't be in love with him as you don't know him yet. Take your children and your self esteem and run! You'll damage both if you stay in this relationship!

BigApple11 · 07/12/2016 08:16

He absolutely is a cunt.

Anonymoususer1938 · 07/12/2016 08:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Idodo · 07/12/2016 08:37

Why are you listening to what he is saying? It's none of his business if your ex comes in your house or not. He is making you go over everything and dissect it until you can't think straight. Can't you see what he is doing?

ElspethFlashman · 07/12/2016 08:47

You've basically just turned into a parrot.

"He says"

I despair.

SandyY2K · 07/12/2016 09:03

As a child .... it's not good for your mum to have a boyfriend who hates your dad. Please try and see this from your DDs perspective, even if she's too young to know what's going on.

When you see the warning signs of a controlling man, you need to leave. There's so many women, who would give anything to turn back time and walk away.

Your ExH is right in that he's no good. He keeps breaking up because you allow it.
Tell him any further contact from known or withheld numbers, docial media or in person will be deemed as harassment and reported accordingly.

For your DD and for your self worth, please end this relationship for good.

Original poster
Username789 · 07/12/2016 09:16

Yes I was going to go round and see him today but I just phoned him and told him I cant and its over.

OP posts:
memyselfandaye · 07/12/2016 09:21

Grow up. You're a doormat, he knows that so he can do what he wants.

You're an adult, a parent, acting like a 14yr old getting all angsty and dramatic over an utter prick.

He has no respect for you and surely you can't have any for him so how can you want to be with someone you don't respect?

I would bet you will still be coming back to this thread in a year, saying the same thing.

So either do something about it or put up and shut up.

HardcoreLadyType · 07/12/2016 09:21

Okay, well done, but prepare yourself for a bombardment of some sort, because it will come!

TheStoic · 07/12/2016 09:22

Yes I was going to go round and see him today but I just phoned him and told him I cant and its over

And what is your plan to make that stick?

Original poster
Username789 · 07/12/2016 09:25

Yes TheStoic thats what I'm worried about making it stick because I know I have to, he didnt say anything on the phone just "ok" which isnt like him.

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 07/12/2016 09:26

What did he say? That was a quick phone call seeing as he kept you the phone nearly 2 hrs yesterday. Any whiny texts yet?

BlueFolly · 07/12/2016 09:28

You have done the right thing gut thing. Good luck. Maybe re read this thread if you feel yourself wavering. Remember we have no vested interest either way and yet everyone is saying the same thing, be strong x

TheStoic · 07/12/2016 09:32

Yes TheStoic thats what I'm worried about making it stick because I know I have to

I meant that literally. Think about what you will do next time he texts. Next time he calls. What do you want to do? Is there any reason why you can't block his number?

Picture yourself pulling up the drawbridge. Protect yourself. Don't let him hurt you again.

Original poster
Username789 · 07/12/2016 09:50

No, no texts yet, I feel like I don't need to block his number because I have really made up my mind this time after a lot of thought and nothing he can say will change that.

OP posts:
tribpot · 07/12/2016 09:54

If he can't contact you, he can't 'tempt' you - although fuck knows what is tempting about putting yourself back in the line of fire for his self-pitying bullshit. What kind of phone do you have? You can probably use in built functions to block him, but there are some good call blocker apps on the market that do a much more thorough job.

tribpot · 07/12/2016 09:56

nothing he can say will change that

Cross-posted with you. This is self-deluded bullshit. You aren't blocking him so that you can keep the connection alive between you, and so you can get your next fix of the ego-boost of him begging you to step up for another kicking. If it's really true that nothing he could say could change your mind, you can block him because you don't need to read it.