Feeling a little bit down in the dumps about my lack of a love life...

[pinkmusicstand]

I'm a 35 year old single mum to a five year old DD. Split up with her dad when I found out I was pregnant however it was all a bit complicated as we had occasional 'reunions' until she was about a year old and I said enough and finally cut it all off.

Ex is now happily coupled up with a new girlfriend, which I'm totally OK about. No feelings between us anymore, so not at all complicated.

I've had a couple of short term relationships since then, lasting no more than 6 months.

I find it difficult to meet new men. I've tried OLD but haven't got anywhere with it. Most of the men I meet in RL are married/coupled up. I have had lots of crushes on men, even if they are single I don't think they even know I exist. I am unbelievably horny all of the time.

I just don't think it's going to happen for me. I don't think I'll ever meet someone nice. The type of guys who do express interest are usually weirdos/creeps/in relationships. Am dismayed why I attract these types and not a normal, nice single guy.

I never get asked out. I think I'm OK looking, am reasonably intellegent (have a degree and currently doing an MA), kind, caring etc. I think I'm a nice person. I just don't seem to be able to meet someone who thinks the same.

Don't really know why I'm posting, I guess just to get it off my chest. Feeling a bit down about it all at the moment. This idea that I will be left on the shelf for ever.

I doubt you'll be single for ever. I'm probably not the best person to advise as I know all too well that compulsion to call or text - but I also know it rarely ends well. Nothing will be resolved tonight. She has the stress of moving so is unlikely to be in the most relaxed state of mind. Do you think you could set a deadline? No contact until Monday? We'll help you through, and you may feel differently when Monday rolls around. It'll be tough but not impossible.

I can try ,don't think I succeed but you never know , think I might see the Dr next week I realised I haven't slept properly in months , think I'm seriously depressed, I'm struggling to stop getting angry at everything/everyone, I've been nasty to her which is not me , I seem to have lost me somewhere in all of this .the thought of being alone when the kids have grown up petrify's me ,and with no friends or family I feel the stress of things probably more than others would.

Well, it's not always easy to maintain friends/family relationships with a child, especially one with a disability. And yes, we do lose our identity in relationships, especially with children. Just try to get through tonight without phoning or texting. Then deal with tommorrow. Also try to limit the booze intake, it's soooo easy to drink and dial!

You've reacted 'nastily' because you're hurt and you're human. You're still the same guy you always were, just struggling to deal with some hardcore emotions right now. I for one haven't behaved in a way that is 'true to myself' in the last few months, because I was shocked, hurt and angry. If you feel the need to see a doctor, do so - in the short term, be very, very kind to yourself - plenty of rest, water, decent food and exercise.

Just be a little more forgiving - you are allowed to feel. Just acknowledge those feelings as they come and don't allow them to control you. You're doing ok.

Jess , thank you for your kindness, I guess having been single up until I was 30/and then 3 years ago,suddenly becoming the only parent to 4 kids I have muddled through never needing anyone , then my ex came along ,and I fell for her very hard ,I had someone who understood me being a single mum herself , now I find I'm on my own again ,I'm struggling to deal with life on my own . Just feel very lost , like life has no direction ,I don't want to be on the shelf ,feels as if I got dumped there.

Lonely here too. Fed up of being single but I know there isn't any point trying online dating. Men are players .

It's temporary. Keep reminding yourself of that. I had no idea you had four children - I struggle with one! For that alone you deserve a 🌟. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's awful. I thought ex was my soulmate but apparently he didn't feel the same way!

All I can say is that it gets easier. Do try to get through tonight without calling. Let her miss you, rather than the other way around. I went through a stage of hating my home town because everything reminded me of ex, and I wanted to move. I'm back to loving it again. You'll be ok - you are a decent, caring father and trust me, there are lots of women looking for someone just like you. I've got to get some sleep now. Hopefully you will too. Shall we stop calling it a shelf? I like to think of it as one of those ridiculously big 'corner' sofas? . Catch up tommorrow, but in the meantime, look after yourself. Break ups are rough as hell.

Sole , not all men are players ,some of us are normal ,it maybe because we don't really put ourselves out there if you see what I mean . We tend to be the quiet not so good looking ones ! ( well that's how I feel about myself ) I think it's trying to find us is not so easy . Us men have the same issues believe it or not !

Oh dear, the shelf seems to be a bit downbeat at the moment! Unmumsnetty hugs all round. (Gives disco ball a twirl in passing, puts something cheerful on the juke box, makes a round of coffee/hot chocolate/tea according to personal preference).

rover sorry. When I say that I'm talking from my own experience. My DS is severely disabled and although he is absolutely golden behaviour wise it puts men off.. I'm a caring person and men have stuck around but leave fir someone else less tied down so I feel used.

Sole ,I can sympathise , my daughter isn't disabled, but I have to be on stand by 25/7 as she has blackouts with no warning and can injure herself ,as she has no control of her body when it happens , my last long term partner had ms and couldn't walk ,we only split as she couldn't cope with suddenly having 4extra children to deal with ,there are men like us ,who aren't bothered it's just finding us . I'm finding it difficult to find someone who will take on me and my 4 kids at my age!

It is tricky for people like us rover. I wouldn't want a man with children still living at home. I guess I will always be single then! Eighteen years now.

Sole , can ask why you wouldn't want to be with someone who's kids are still home ? Might give me an insight. I have just figured out I may have 3of my 4 away at uni in 2and half years time!

I have enough on my plate with my DS. I have nothing else to give. Also nobody ever measures up to their real Mother and I imagine being a Stepmother is a thankless task. I attract arseholes man wise and that's only ever been my experience. I never go anywhere to meet men and I have felt badly used and tossed aside when it suits. I take responsibility too as I ignored my boundaries and dishonoured myself.

Sole ,don't take this the wrong please ,but you do seem a little bitter , some of us men aren't like that
.I don't consider myself an arse,but then I wouldn't,would I . Part of my problem is the rarity of lone fathers ,I get the impression , a lot of women either don't know how to deal with it ,or just don't want to.

I haven't ALL men are are players. I said men as in my experience. Calling e bitter is not on but I guess makes you feel better because I don't anybodies else's children! You sound bitterm

Sole ,sorry didn't mean to upset you but it was how your post came across . Am I bitter ,I used to be ,but time changes things . I don't know why you wouldn't be with someone who has there own kids ,that's your decision , personally that would cut out most of the pool of single women around my age out can't really do that because that one person I'm looking for May be in that pool somewhere. You might find the one person who you would want to be with has children and you walk away , none of us knows !

Hi guys! Another awful Saturday/contact with the ex! He's left ( he reckons he's read my MN posts and has mocked me for them). I feel really stupid, sad and a bit depressed. Should I delete my account and start over? I didn't want to be a name changer as I like to be consistent. I'm starting counselling on Monday, so hopefully that will help. Going to take DS out now to watch a few fireworks , be back in a bit.

Oh, and sole, please stay with us. Don't allow anyone to destroy your confidence. We're pretty nice on here. You just need building up a bit. I'll be back! (Arnie voice!)

Jesus, can't you make him see your kids elsewhere so you don't have to interact with him so much?

Jess, don't let your ex deatroy yout confidence, presume you are apart because he is a twat- just remember that and take everything he says as a sign of his twattishness.
Rover-hope you are feeling okay, you sound really down, try and step back- if you and ex are meant to be, it will happen. Maybe you just both need a bit of space, if not, it wasnt meant to be, better to find out now than 10 years down the line.

I've been pretty busy dealing with college open days today so haven't really thought about her , haven't texted either , we'll see in time what happens ,hope she misses me ,I know it's not the end of the world if she walks away ,just will need time to move on

I'm late 40s and happy not being in a relationship (can't handle the emotional roller coaster and don't want the distraction at the moment) but........I really want a bloody good shag and there's noone I can booty call dammit! Going out pubbing and clubbing isn't for me anymore and internet dating is more miss than hit, so where I'm going to magic up a hot willing man at short notice I have no idea. Apart from that, I'm happy being single

Omg. You lot! Tyvm for really cheering me up. I've read the thread from the beginning whilst on a break from work. (Yes. Sunday ...) This mumsnet has been a lifesaver since my divorce; despite me having a great career, 2DC but not successful at OLD. Perhaps too self sufficient! Your shelf must be getting quite full. Well, Christmas is a-coming, so what with port, baked camembert, red onion marmalade plus oodles of furry slippered feet sounds the place to be! Can only say, be yourself. Don't undervalue your uniqueness. Yes. This lonely at times, but believe there's a star for everybody. This from the woman who's ex DH who is now with a Thai .....

For those who have been following the thread ,I said a final goodbye to my ex. ,I couldn't deal with it any longer , was affecting me mentally , feeling totally lost and adrift right now , going to have stiff drink tonight , and then ignore dating ,/girlfriends etc for a while, sit on the shelf ,and get comfortable and see where life takes me for a few months and then see if there is someone out there

Can I join you all on the shelf? After another disastrous date last night (he turned up drunk then fell asleep at the table) I'm just ready to wave the white flag.