Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Lilac - she mentioned that someone had similar before. I presumed it was her last boyfriend, she seems to have some unresolved issues...
Baklava - I guessed I might have been viewed suspiciously!!

We are both at a social event tomorrow night, I'm planning on avoiding her...

There are genuine men out there OLD - from conversations I've had with dates they have a loooong list of criteria!! I do think height is more of an issue for women than men....if you're taller it just means we are closer to the fun stuff! 😜

Nope, no spark. Nice guy, but no fireworks.

I'm buying shares in Ann summers and off to think about mr. No commitment. I know it's unhealthy. But damn we had fun.

Evil don't give up....
Re Mr No Commitment, I decided to write a list of 10 things wrong with how my Mr NC was in our relationship. I managed to get to 30!!!! I am now making myself read it every time I want to get in touch. Could be worth a try...

Went for dinner last night with Mr nice on paper, he couldn't keep his hands off me, tried to kiss me whilst I was eating. Quite off putting but I feel I should tell him that and see if he wants another date on that basis

Ooh Pisssed, I think you should rename him Mr Octopus I'm very tactile and if there's a spark, then I'm happy for them to be, but nobody messes with me eating! I think it's worth raising and seeing what his reaction is.

As things are progressing with 31, I think I'm reaching the point where I have to tell Mr Gosport that it's been fun, but real life is now calling. Difficult thing is, however much I like 31 and I like him loads, I know I'll miss Mr Gosport and ask myself some what ifs. Realistically I know there's no there's never been much hope, but we get on so well in messages. I need to find my big girl pants out.

Went on birthday night out with Mr Shy. Beautiful walk around London snogging in a little park area.
Extensive train station snogging at the end of the night
He asked me if I was his girlfriend. Also said he saw a future. Is it ok to shit myself a little bit
I mean I do feel the same I am just not as heart on my sleeve as him and I clearly get embarrassed when we have these conversations and start looking for bad things and wondering if I am overlooking anything, maybe this over keeness is a red flag??!

Mr Shy does not sound so shy after all! I wouldn't mind a bit of over keenness.

After a really good first date and an agreement to meet up for a second date, Mr Wildcard has gone quiet. Damn. Why is it so hard to get a second date with anyone?

pissssed - I think anyone who tried to snog me while I'm chewing would not get a second date...

pringle - how quiet, how long? Give us a log of your comm's, and all the OI's can over-analysye them with you

Woohoo user That is exciting. How do you feel about the over keeness - if it's actually where you are too, then I think it's fine, isn't it?

I know right! I've told him he's too much for me, will be friends if he wants, he's offered to look over some uni work for me and frankly I need it so I'm not burning that bridge!
Not sure what's happening with me right now. I've looked at my profile pics etc it's just me at the beach, in a maxi dress. Nothing saucey, no make up, sun glasses on my head 😟
I do think I'll play it different from now onwards though, being myself isn't bloody working

I suggested Sunday last night, he said yes, I asked him to pick where and what time, then silence. Given how quickly he replied when we were setting up the first date, I really do think he's lost interest.

Time to message another iron, I think.

Pisssssedofff Time to try a different site?

Pringle - the other option is he really likes you, and is having a massive crisis about what to suggest for a date, and has spent the last 24 hours frantically googling 'where should I go on my second date'

BaklavaBalaclava It would be nice, but I'm trying not to hope. Going out tonight with a friend as planned, so will try to put him out of my mind and just have fun.

I'd like to see him again, I really would, but I do not want to chase around after a man who is not that into me. If he texts back, I'll see him, if he doesn't, I'll ignore him. I've already put myself out there enough with this man.

Go and have fun for sure!

As for the food snogger - just no!

Ive just been driving and thinking about my emotional turmoil

I think what it is with Mr Shy is that basically I find it difficult to be open emotionally because I have been hurt before. He doesn't have the same experiences as me - he's been separated for a year and met me quickly during that time. He hasn't been dating for years and have all that baggage. He now clearly wants to make sure I know his feelings. He's very eloquent and open and I find it hard to reciprocate, basically his message to me this morning was beautiful but I just didn't know what to reply. I don't know how to say these deep and meaningful things in words it doesn't come naturally to me. I think this in turn makes him nervous because he doesn't know how I feel about him and he is trying to draw it out of me. Instead of replying something eloquent I am a bit lost for words. Doesn't mean I don't feel them I just don't know how to say them.
I'm better face to face which is a good thing.

Also he brought up last night that he is finding the distance/once a week meets selfishly frustrating - his sensible head knows it's not possible to do it more, but his silly head just wants more and more (to see me), so wanted to know that would happen in time.

He's told his ex about me. And his parents
So no pressure then....

What do I do now? All the advice is don't rush, and I don't want to rush into him meeting my kids although I feel much more at ease about meeting his at some point. But if he knew the kids we could do more stuff. But I can't rush that. I don't think he would walk away from me if I said it's too soon he would agree, but I think he would like to know when I think it is the right time.

Both our exes did not really integrate their new partners very well and it was kind of sprung on the kids and not discussed so we don't want to do that. But that we are talking about a future doesn't scare me it's brilliant and what I want I just don't know how to navigate it

Myuser, he sounds lovely, but I can understand your hesitancy - as I'm sure can he. If he sends a beautiful message, which you don't feel you can reciprocate yet, or don't know how to respond in kind, could you not just thank him for such a lovely message/it's made you smile....etc? At least then he knows something of how you feel? You may already be doing this though

I tried my best to say something nice in return as otherwise I would have felt awful! It just makes me feel bad that he put so much effort into saying something lovely for me to return something clunky and with an emoji - I don't want it to come across like I don't feel that way I just am bad at doing it haha

muuser - I wish I had some great advice, but you're ahead of me in this game.

I guess try not to overthink things? And if he's told his parents/ex, that's no pressure on you - you do what's right for you, him telling people doesn't put any responsibility onto you...

Pringle - Going out, having fun, looking for new Irons and seeing what happens sounds like exactly the right thing to do...

Myusernameismyusername Have you ever explained to him that you struggle with this aspect? He seems to have really put himself out there, so I don't think you would be making yourself more vulnerable by telling him (face-to-face or via text) that you do like him, but you don't find expressing yourself as easy as him and he shouldn't read anything negative into that.

You're very sensible not rushing into the "meet the kids" part. If you're not ready for that, you're not ready.

No I don't think I have told him all that much about my feelings this is all new. Up till now we have just been saying how much fun we have, how great one another is etc this is the first time it's gone this deep. I actually don't want to tell him many things because I don't want to be seen as a kind of victim. That stuff was the past and this is now, and I do not want bad things to come into something lovely.

The bad things took enough of my fucking life already they aren't having any bloody more of it

I will tell him I don't find it easy, it's not that I don't want to say them. That's just what I need to say!

Thank you

Myuser if you don't say and he thinks you're not really interested that could put him off. If you're honest and he's put off then really that's not a good sign about him. So the best option is to talk about it. He sounds like a nice person and it must be good to have definite interest?

I'm seeing Mr Professional tomorrow and I'm half expecting him to cancel. He has sent nice messages but they are declining. I know he could just be busy, but it doesn’t take long to send a quick text does it?

Lilacpink40 I'm coming to think that if you are really interested, you can find the time. If you're not, well...

Time for you to re-read rule 7 as well, I think.

Can empathise with the dwindling messages- drives me mad.

Well I'm back. Have had a month plus break from OLD- having being stood up twice on consecutive days by different guys! Also had to end a RL FWB arrangement which had got messy- too many feelings on my side. So feeling a bit crushed. In need of distraction though so have signed up to OK Cupid. What an eye opener! ( was on soulmates previously). So many headless torso shots and lots of 'Hey babes'! Not sure my heart is really in it but I need to stop pining over RL guy and I could do with some fun.

Hi Claw I recognise your username. Sorry to hear about your experiences.

Pringle well I've had no messages since early morning and now had 3 together. He's very keen to meet up so date 3 is currently all go. My last boyfriend had phone glued to his hand so maybe this iron doesn't look at phone so much. He did send more messages earlier though

Pringle thanks I've just read rules again. You're right I'm the prize!

One text included a joke about being at mine with lights off, which made sense with something I said. Could be taken innocently, but prob not? I'm kind of hoping not