Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Lilacpink40 - no the number of moose burgers shared or served up!

lilac I don't think it's necessarily that men string women along in order to get sex, although some do. I think in many cases, the lust-coloured glasses fall off their eyes and they start seeing flaws they'd ignored before.

I've done it. Been smitten with someone, went to bed with them and then they suddenly start getting really annoying and clingy and I realise they're actually quite racist or something, it's not intentional, I never planned it.

Of course, I've also got smitten with someone, went to bed with them (and it was quite good) and then they went off me shortly afterwards. Wouldn't meet up again, got back together with their ex shortly after. It does work both ways

Bant, lust coloured glasses is a good way to sum up initial attraction!

I think it's really good to keep a clear head and try to avoid letting our pasts influence our opinions of men too much.
I have to say this thread is very positive in this way.
A lot of men aren't that totally different to women and both sexes do a lot of the same things.
I've gone off people after sex simply because their good behaviour masks have slipped or a terrible flaw I never noticed.
Or just didn't feel right anymore

Also the fact that they hoot like a crazed gibbon. That puts me off

Lilacpink40, thank you! I think I am calling the shots in a way. Both are aware that I'm keeping them at arms' length (out of fear of getting involved again tbh). I'm used the infamous word 'friends' with the younger barman.

I'm a bit confusing but nice with it!

I'm just going to give this all a bit of time and remain confident that I'll see things more clearly in the near future. I'm not leading anyone on and I'm not sleeping with either of them....yet!

Upyergansey that's brilliant

Bant a crazed gibbon, now that is a deal breaker!

Thisis seems like a very level headed way to deal with the situation, when it must be very tempting to move more quickly with either of them. Tips on how to not over invest from date 1 gratefully received

Forme2016, thank you! You know, when I was younger I used to rush impetuously into relationships; I was so impatient and hooked on passion. Now, I surprise myself a little. I always take the time, however frustrating it might be, to assess the situation (and stress too!).

bant so good to have a normal and not bitter male on the thread! It's always good to hear to from the other side and a male viewpoint. Unfortunately the last 2 men who posted (I actually think they might have been the same one) were not so pleasant. Please stay! What sites are you on? Any irons? I look forward to following your shenanigans

mrs fluff I'd say no, it's definately out of the no strings camp with 31 now he's meeting the teen and bringing snacks

Also on the subject of mooseburgers I agree with what's already been touched on. If he's going to be an idiot and ghost after sex, doesn't matter if you wait 1 or 5 dates. So my motto is, if you want to have sex, it feels right why not really... no point waiting on etiquette thinking he will more likely hang around after as that's not really the case. Both my long term relationships/marriage started with mooseburgers on date 1 or 2 but I've dated someone for 6 dates and he still fecked off after

Yeah I get the feeling they were the same bloke too. You get that, on here. Chancers trying their luck or angry men trying to take out rat heir frustrations.

I've also been on the receivin end of some angry stuff here though too, some women get offended if I say what I'm thinking, or have experienced on dates. It's an Internet forum, you get that stuff.

No comparisons to hitler yet, though. Luckily.

I have no irons. I split up with my girlfriend a few weeks ago, (my choice), tried to make a go of it again and she said she couldn't because the distance was impossible. Either Id have to relocate away from my kids or we don't speak again. So..

Pof is horrible. Okc is overly fetishy. Match has worked for me in the past, it tends to be less full of women looking for their Prince. (I'm not a prince. The one thing I expect from a potential partner is a comprehensive understanding of the hereditary monarchic system and how it's not compatible with a parliamentary democracy)

I've sent a few messages, had a few conversations. No irons yet

Bant you are more than welcome here
We must know all your updates!

Just organising xmas/new year with Mr Shy. Feel like this is def getting out of dating territory

Bant what if they're not looking for a prince, but just have high hopes. How do you tell?

Ah last I'd disagree.

I could meet the most amazing woman, the funniest, most insightful, beautiful person, and sleep with her on the first date, and the chances are I would then not get involved - because she hasn't had the chance to show that she's amazing and funny yet, really. So part of me would want to find someone else who actually is amazing and funny.

If I'd had a few more dates with the first woman, then by the time we'd slept together I'd be halfway to being in love. Sex would just be the icing on the cake, rather than the end goal.

So in my opinion, if you want to sleep with a bloke early on, then go for it - but I think it can cut short something which could last longer. Not for all people, but definitely in my experience.

Personally I want those lust coloured glasses to be replace by actual feelings before the sex. It makes things more long lasting that way

They tend to post 'looking for my prince' on their od profile. To me, that's a no-no.

How many of you would be put off by someone looking for a princess? Yes I want to meet someone amazing but I'm not standing by with a pedestal. Anyone who wants to be on a pedestal is wrong for me.

I have found that method more personally fulfilling and exciting over the years. It's because I am not looking for the sex part of intimacy as much as I am looking for all the other amazing parts of intimacy

No I don't want to be a princess I want to be an equal. I find adulation type feelings stiffling and strange

People actually put that they are looking for their prince!?! I obviously have low expectations then, just some of their hair and own teeth

Bant having not looked at women's profiles I'm laughing that "I'm looking for a prince" is seriously on some.

I definitely understand why you'd avoid those. I haven't seen a "looking for a princess" profile, but I avoid men who write "poor me, this is my last try, I just want someone to hug" or similar drippy profiles.

Bant, I've been mildly flummoxed by how my younger barman has confessed feelings for me, has spent hours talking with me (lots of eye contact and intimate conversations), suggested future dates but has not touched me aside from the usual kiss on the cheek thing we do here in France to say hello and good-bye. I sense he's not very tactile but am wondering if he's being cautious as he wants to test the waters with me first by getting to know me.

I did use the word 'friends' once so perhaps he's trying to respect that. But we're most certainly not just friends!
Who knows?

Also 'night in shinning armor' is fairly common on pof.

Who knows indeed.

I've been in that situation before though, thought someone was lovely, had feelings for them, but couldn't summon the balls to make a an overt move in case it ruined the friendship. So remained forever friends. Went to her wedding, she went to mine, we're still friends now with nothing more than platonic friendship for each other. Maybe it worked out for the best in the long run? I don't think it would have worked out as a relationship.

Other times, I summoned the balls and made a move and we had mad passionate sex and it became awkward afterwards and never spoke again, really.

Have you tried showing your wrists?

I've been missing so many tricks then...
Seriously though, what man is attracted to these profiles. Surely it screams out "I'm needy"?

Some men like needy!?!

I went on what, 5 dates before I finally just snogged Mr Shy. He was trying to pick the right moment without lunging. I just needed champagne