Online Dating ... and this is a thread for while we are waiting! Dating thread 109

[loobyloo1234]

I know these threads have come in handy for many dipping their toes for the first time into OLD. So here we are again ... another 1000 posts down:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

For those who asked. I was on the site for years and met loads of people. All sorts - even saw some people I know - one of them very married (claiming he is divorced!). He had his picture on them and his first sentence on the profile spoke about the importance of honesty in a relationship...

I did make quite a few friends. In fact all of them started with lets meet someone in town with similair interests and not a date idea.

Don't give up easily though. The time I met hubby I was divorced and on the site for between 6-7 years. I had closed my account and promised myself to give up on this online dating world. I opened a new account only to get rid of the last person I had dated for a about a year and he simply wouldn't go away (I didn't feel i could trust him - so split).

I opened the account and gave this ex the password to understand I was serious and moved on. Then logged in to close the account and thought now that the account is open why not give this one more shot... voila sent that one interest to someone who was clear on his profile about no long distance interests but my gut said something else and since that day its been him.

Its both our second marriage and we are grateful to whatever forces are out there that got us together. My true other half he is :)

Louisa- that's brilliant, I'm really happy for you!!

Hyyge, I can't see why you can't be friends. Just because there's no spark, doesn't mean you can't get on.

Wingle and Pringle, my date on Friday lives 2 hours away!! I wanted someone in the same town However, I really like him and he seems to feel the same. Plus, he has all his own teeth!!

Hello - so, we met for lunch and spent about 2 hours together again, which was great. Chatted about everything/nothing, some good laughter, a nice time really.
There was no plan to do anything else or meet again, although he said how much of a good time he'd had. We said goodbye outside a café in town though which was kind of awkward, as a little on display to the world.
I need to get my head round how to end dates I think - whether to ask if they'd like to meet again, give a hug or whatever, I am definitely crap and out of practice at this!

I posted on last thread but didn't spot dates and it was full!
Lastnick I would text and be upfront, something like "Feeling confused as you appeared very keen, but after sex you seem distant, am I misreading this?"

If he's truly interested he'll know that he's pushing you away and up his game. Any weak reply e.g. "oh no it's me not you" or and he just isn't bothered. You aren't being OTT by asking, and you'll know without doubt where you stand. As a confimation, if he does up his game, see if he keeps it up for several weeks before moose burgers.

Mrs Fluff has his own teeth I'd make him drive to you though!

Hygg I'm friends with man I dated from OLD that has travelled away. You could be friends on social media?

Yay new thread! My last post a week or so ago I thought I'd been dumped. But it seems I jumped the gun. I'm trying not to get too excited and just see where it goes, but I think we're on about 10/11 dates now. I'm pretty sure he's still on the sites, & i guess the fact that i haven't had that conversation with him speaks volumes about my self esteem, but I'm telling myself he'll catch up when/if he's ready...

That's reassuring about distance, 2hrs Mrs fluff! Are you meeting half way? I've looked at the half way thingy but it appears to be a service station on the m1 lol. With regarding ending dates, I'm a bit confused, I had a nice date with mr tall, snog in the middle of the car park, then text from him ... sorry not quite enough spark!! Is this usual snog at the end to see if there's a spark?? Lol

How weird wingle
On the friends thing, I met one chap who was just lovely but not any spark whatsoever. We kept in touch, well he did and then did the FB friend thing so I now do see him as a friend really. It can happen but only if you are both adult enough and neither flounced after the no spark text
The long distance hasn't worked for me so far, a couple of times I've had dates with guys who live an hour and half to 2 hours away. We've met half way but it just fizzled both times. If you really like each other though and are both willing to put in the effort I don't see why it wouldn't work out

He's going to be nearby-Ish with work, so meeting about half an hour away. I wanted to meet someone local, who I could go on dates with.........but they're all weird, cancel on meeting up or are like randy Labrador puppies! So as air like this one, I'm happy to makes some effort to see whether we like each other or not

Hmm, sounds a bit off to me Wingle!

Hi all,
I saw mr no commitment on a different dating website. It's turns out he deffo does not kids. There is a massive paragraph about it! it's the first thing says in his profile I'm glad he's figured this out, but I wish it wasn't me who he figured it out on.

So back to the fire/sea.

If you don't want kids in your life, why the hell did he date me?

I dated a man for months who didn't want kids. It was ok at the time because I knew it would never get very serious. I knew it wouldn't last it was fun at the time but ended badly as I assumed he would change his mind (clever aren't I) and he was never going to.

Although now, surprise surprise he is dating a woman with kids. Kids are older than mine though which probably helps

See I would date someone with older kids, but not young ones. My daughter is 16, so I have a lot of time and freedom, so I want someone in a similar position.

Sorry he messed you round though Evil x

Oh thats crap about the kids thing. It really worries me tbh, I feel like I have to play my kids down all the time so I don't scare people off.

That's not a good idea to do, IMO it gives off the wrong impression to the wrong type of men.
If you stick to your normal life and normal story then a nice person will accept your kids.
I mean it isn't a good start to anything if you play the kids down, if he's going to bolt surely get it over and done with sooner rather than later and see you aren't right rather than play it cautious and end up over invested and hurt

I imagine it's difficult Fly, but do you think it's best if they're honest upfront, or would you rather they wait and see how the two of you get on? I'm just pondering really, as I'm on to other side of the coin, so to speak.

Oh god would much rather they were honest!

Although i'm coming from the extreme end as I have 4DC which is scary to anyone I think. Thats part of the reason i've decided not to look for anything serious. I think at the moment it would be nice to meet someone for adult drinks/dinner of a weekend but not a relationship relationship IYKWIM.

I am dating a man with more kids than I have and we generally only can see each other briefly at weekends. It's fine by me. Nothing will change in either of our lives like this. It can be done!

Oh thats good to hear My

When you say briefly what do you mean? A quick drink or something

So we might meet at 7 -12, or the other day I drove but got home at 2am was tired

Sometimes we can do quick cinema trip - literally just the film!

I don't know how sustainable it is but it's ok for now

So annoying when people aren't transparent about what they want- sympathies, evil. I think a lot of men want moose burgers with no strings attached. Good for them and any women who wants the same but they should say so very clearly, especially if the person they're spooning makes it clear that they're really looking for the possibility of ongoing dating and a relationship.

Though having said that I did do the hmm face today at a message saying oh you're so gorgeous... if only it wasn't for the kids and cats! Erm, why message in that case?! (Because he wants moose burgers with no strings attached of course but he can dream on as he's no Jarvis Cocker.)

Kids come in handy on bad dates though. I started telling Mr Lightswitch all about how horrible my teenagers are on a bad day at the end of our date to try and scare him off! It was funny.

So I have questions. Maybe some of you OLD experts can help?

(FYI - Ive been dabbling with a Tinder, Bumble and Happn since the end of August. Marriage ended in June. I've met quite a lot of people...some more than once. Horrible divorce nonsense going on right now so I don't have the time or energy to work on a relationship right now and no one yet has made me want to try anyway...)

So, my questions:

• WhatsApp and those guys who chat intimately for days then leave you hanging. Common I know. Has anyone found a good way to deal with them?
• Has anyone dated someone for several dates before getting intimate? How did that work out?
• How do you wean yourself off? (I've deleted all the apps a few times but keep going back)
• I'm actually a little worried about how I'll go back to normality after this period of my life. Or is this the new normal?
• Inappropriately young guys (ie 10 years younger or more!!) - seem to match with lots of them, have got together with several. It's obviously never going to go anyway but the attractive men in a more appropriate age bracket for me are just so thin on the ground. I keep looking at the older guys but the younger ones just tick more boxes for me right now. Not good really. I don't need approval or condemnation but help!!

• WhatsApp and those guys who chat intimately for days then leave you hanging.

Push to meet. If it's all about the messaging for them they will say no, stall or disappear.

• Has anyone dated someone for several dates before getting intimate? How did that work out?

Yes- lots of stories re this on these threads. Seems to work out well, on the whole, afaics.

• How do you wean yourself off? (I've deleted all the apps a few times but keep going back)

I become disillusioned and think oh my god this is so soul destroying, I'll take a break for a while. Then I think, how you gonna meet someone then, clevercloggs and reluctantly put toe back in water. Some people love it and find it addictive though.

• I'm actually a little worried about how I'll go back to normality after this period of my life. Or is this the new normal?

If your marriage broke up only 4 months ago it's still quite early days. Perhaps that's making you feel like things are not normal rather than the dating per se?

• Inappropriately young guys (ie 10 years younger or more!!) - seem to match with lots of them, have got together with several. It's obviously never going to go anyway but the attractive men in a more appropriate age bracket for me are just so thin on the ground. I keep looking at the older guys but the younger ones just tick more boxes for me right now. Not good really. I don't need approval or condemnation but help!!

This is a common problem!

noonoo
Pretty much the same as sumo says!
Whatsapp is the way everyone seems to communicate. A few messages down from tinder etc and we move to whatsapp, but usually chat for a day or 2 before meeting is mentioned. If I were talking to a guy on WA more than a few weeks I'd have to suggest meeting or stop chat. I'm not there for a penpal!
I dated one guy for 5 dates with no intimacy. It does seem usual or typical to DTD after or around date 3 but of course it's not mandatory
Weaning yourself off has proved impossible for me personally! Every time I have a few awful, no chemistry dates or it doesn't work out with one after a few weeks I say that's it I'm taking a break. 24 hours later I'm off swiping again, for me personally it's totally addictive
Younger me seems to be the thing. I'm 44 but honestly don't look it. I don't fancy men my age, the oldest I've dated has been 42 but all the others are around 36/38 so 5/8 years younger. It doesn't bother them obviously! Seems to be the thing these days?

Thanks guys! Seems we're all on a similar page.
As for the younger guys - yesterday I was talking to someone (in real life!!) about her new colleague, whether he's single etc. And I learned... He's just graduated! HE'S JUST GRADUATED! Omg! I'm old enough to be his mother!