Husband groping me in bed

[queenofbaddecisions]

Dh and I have been trying to repair our marriage after a year and a half separation. Our marriage was previously not working well, we were arguing a lot, communication was terrible, aspirations different, he was possibly depressed, we never did anything for fun, had no money, had 2 dc immediately in the marriage 2 years apart.
While apart I was mostly happy, life was hard but I was financially better off and had a couple of flings that made me feel great. I filed for divorce and that was nearly completed. However, I got into a bit of a messy situation and dh was very much there to support and help me and I started to feel like I'd given up on the marriage too soon, maybe I should try harder for the children, he is a decent guy, he had some counselling to help with his anger, I had some counselling to help with my self esteem etc.

So we began to talk, we attempted marriage counselling but it always led us to arguments so we decided to just to try dating and getting to know each other again.

He moved back in as he was taking the dc to nursery every day anyway and was living at his parents which was not ideal.

Now we are doing much better in many ways, the arguments are much less frequent and more reasonable, we both pull our weight, we do more for fun on weekends etc. However sexually I'm not attracted to him at all. I've tried to just relax and let it happen but I'm not desiring it and though he says he can do without it, he compliments me all the time, grabs me, gropes me etc. I am comfortable hugging him and being physically close but not sexually. Last night he was very horny, I told him no and then during the night when he was asleep he started touching me. I was really upset and angry and slapped his hand and told him to get off and leave me alone, he apologised and went to sleep in the other room.

I am afraid he'll do it again and I'm afraid for our daughters if they share a bed with him (they're 3 and 5) if he has this lack of self control and doesn't know what he's doing.

I don't know what to do. I am not sure I'll ever feel sexual towards him.

Well my parents tried to help and support me in their own way but my dm and I have a somewhat troubled relationship and my therapist did say that my dm telling me about her sleepless nights and worry was burdening me with her problems at a time that I really didn't need to hear it.

They just want to enjoy their retirement. I understand that and I tried to leave them out of my mess as far as possible but they want to have this close relationship where I can confide in them too, so I can't win really.

This is where I start feeling like I am the problem as I have what appears to be a loving and suportive family and a loving and supportive husband yet I feel like both are often causing me these negative, stressful feelings.

It doesn't appear that way to me and I'm a random stranger on the internet .

Nor does your therapist think that .

Who do you think believes that ( apart from your parents and your husband ) ?

Well I suppose you and my therapist have insight into my feelings but to others around it looks quite different. From when I discovered Mumsnet I became quite hooked on Relationships, I suppose I could relate to a lot of what I read. During my separation I rarely looked at this board and yet now here I am again.

Are you saying that when you were separated you were happy and didnt feel the need to read about relationships ?

Of that you were sad and found it too painful to read here ?

Or something else ?

BTW passive aggressive men are very concerned about their public image so they always look good to outsiders . But they are very hard to live with .

I also feel more trapped than ever as my h made a big thing of how my parents involvement in our marriage was a big contributor to our problems. The thing is, their involvement was minimal as they're not even in the same country but they could see I was unhappy and their reaction to visiting their postpartum daughter in a different country, quite a difficult country too, was nothing unreasonable.

They tried to talk to him about things a bit and my mum lost her temper with him a bit. They are quite similar so it's easy for them to clash.

Now though I am conscious of our marriage being just the 2 of us. But maybe that's exactly what he was hoping for.

No I was happy and didn't feel the need to read is what I meant.

I enjoyed being just me and the dds as there was nobody else to consider, we disagree on parenting sometimes and it was nice not to have that. I liked having time to myself when he had the girls, but maybe I'm just selfish. I felt it was easier to have a handle on finances and I felt much more in control. When he's around he tends to take over or maybe I just let him take over.

So you were happier when you were apart from him ?

And the children still had a relationship with him ?

And you were better off financially?

It's hard to see why it's better for you to stay married to him.

This!

I think a much more likely scenario is what the OP (who was actually there) said. He was asleep.

What happened in the end?

This has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

So any partner who touches their other half while asleep is assaulting them? Please tell me you're single.

Why on earth have you resurrected a thread from 2016 - 8 years ago!

By accident - sorry!