Practical Tips For Managing a Player

[CreativelyChallenging]

Please don't tell me not to. I've decided it's what I want and I'd like to try.

After a long time being single, being very scared to date for all kinds of reasons, I have started seeing a man who makes me very happy. We get on well, he makes me laugh and we have a lot in common.

I've fallen for him badly but not told him. He has been honest with me and said he is not interested in an exclusive relationship and enjoys being "single". Yes safe sex before you ask. It has been a big step for me to get to this stage.

What can I do to win him round?

[I know all the advice about "when a men tells you who he is believe him" etc so I'm not looking for "don't waste your time" advice. I know it's a risky business and probably not likely to succeed.]

But I would like to try as he is special to me. I would propose to set a deadline on this as a project so I don't waste years.

Anyone got any suggestions? Or know any play the field types that settled down? What made the difference?

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

venus are you talking about OP's chap now or the article writer?

[QueenLizIII]

They employ all sorts of tactics to sleep with lots of attractive women but rarely want anything more.

Ah I think I came across one of those a couple of months ago. I love your username Venusinscorpio.

My last PUA was a sun in Scorpio

[venusinscorpio]

I'm talking about the article writer.

Tactics like putting women down to undermine their self confidence as a myuser said. And they like to have lots of options, so they can contact women when and if they feel like it, but they wouldn't appreciate a woman chasing them and would probably take the same attitude (because they don't respect women) as this "rules" guy.

[venusinscorpio]

Mine was a Pisces. And a massive twat. I researched the PUA community online. It's quite eye opening.

Not saying this has anything to do with the OPs guy, he is an unknown quantity!

[Myusernameismyusername]

TO me slut shaming is telling a woman it's her fault you dumped her because you don't like her now she had sex with you, not because she was bad in bed but you lost all respect for her for doing it with you
I have never heard a woman say such a thing about a man
I have heard women say they had sex as they felt pressured
So is it a test?

[QueenLizIII]

Mine was a Pisces. And a massive twat.

Oh jesus. I had a Pisces PUA a while ago. I never believed in all the bollocks and I still dont really. Until m friend showed me a book about dating different signs and the Pisces player well...it matched that guy totally. Anyway, I digress.

[QueenLizIII]

TO me slut shaming is telling a woman it's her fault you dumped her because you don't like her now she had sex with you, not because she was bad in bed but you lost all respect for her for doing it with you

Exactly Myusername. I agree totally. I have no one to impress, no virtue to save, If I feel like sex I have it. I have had sex on first date that turned into a long term relationship. If a man loses respect for me because we had sex early than he can do one.

[GrinchyMcGrincherson]

How does he treat you in general? This is the true mark of how he feels imo. Does he call a LOT? Take you out? Treat you right? Unless he does you don't stand a chance.

If he is treating you like a girlfriend but won't put the label on it you stand a chance BUT you have to reset to just friends unless you are in a relationship and stick to it. Then he is forced to make his choice.

[venusinscorpio]

It's so disgustingly hypocritical "I had sex with you because you let me but you shouldn't have let me so I don't have any respect for you".

But yes, this is a bit of a digression!

[QueenLizIII]

Digression maybe or maybe not.

Because the theme of the topic is how you engage with someone who isnt your partner.

[QueenLizIII]

With my last one. he vanished for a couple of weeks. He came back. We met again a couple of weeks later. Said he liked me alot but not neccessarily looking for serious.

I was honest with him and said I never expected to hear from him again in the first place. Because I hadnt. I was surprised when I heard.

Then after all the saying he liked me wanted to see me, he's gone again.

I dont feel good about it, feel pretty shit.

but the only saving grace i have that makes me feel better about it is that I never once chased him. He has no reason to be wary or scared off. I just left it.

I have chased guys in the past when I was younger and I cringe at the memories so never doing that again.

[venusinscorpio]

You're right, Queenliz. I also cringe at memories of contacting men and letting them keep me hanging on.

[QueenLizIII]

Yes venus. I still feel a bit crap about this guy but I know I would have felt SO much worse had I tried to keep in touch.

This rules revisited guy, some of the stuff he says on other bits isnt as bad. He has a section about dating for women over 30 and he says:

Avoid men over 40 who cannot explain their singled status with a specific and believable reason. Men who haven't settled down by their late 30s are probably not going to settle down. In fact, the threshold might be even lower than 40; but if a man hasn't settled down by then he is probably incapable of engaging in or maintaining a long-term relationship.

Hmm ok. Some criticism for his own kind.

[user1476869312]

Idon't think OP's man is necessarily taking advantage of her for sex. She has not told him (so far) that she wants more than sex, and may well be pretending, relatively effectively, that she is just as happy with a casual hookup as he is.
He can't be blamed for not reading her mind. Nor even for not caring enough about her to read her mind. He said what was on offer, she said it was fine by her, and he's got the rest of his life to get on with. She isn't important to him, and that doesn't automatically make him a villain.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

Yes, you're right, Myusername, men do say this about women who sleep with them - and it's not the same for the men. A bit like the men who like to sleep around but want to marry a virgin... ridiculous - and unfair.

[TirednessIsComing]

People who habitually ghost rather than be honest come across to me as enjoying the ego boost however much they protest. There is nothing more annoying then someone who clings on when you've broken up with them so if you just do the ignoring part rather than honesty, it makes me think you like the attention and being chased. Or you would just cut them off with the truth.

I have a friend who rants about men ignoring her ghosting yet it's obvious she likes that she's still on their mind.

Don't get me wrong, if someone goes cold- Fuck them off and move on. But some people find excuses to keep trying just in case. They'd be less hurt if they stopped, true but they would never be frustrated in the first place if the other person was honest.

[venusinscorpio]

I agree Tiredness. It's an ego boost. "Oh it's so terrible, they just can't leave me alone". But ghosting is not reasonable human behaviour. If you honestly wanted to cut them off and were a decent person, you would tell them.

[QueenLizIII]

Venus my last did exactly that
said he liked me and wanted to see me again. gone

[venusinscorpio]

It's never happened to me in quite that way because I have tracked them down and had it out with them. I would rather know. Once someone tried to do it to me but then he unexpectedly got on the same bus as me one day and he completely blanked me, which really pissed me off. It's different face to face. So I went to sit next to him and asked him what he was playing at. He was quite sheepish! I don't think he was trying to play me though, he was just a coward. I told him how disrespectful I thought it was and asked him who he thought he was. I was completely prepared for him to tell me to fuck off but he didn't. It was never going to go anywhere though but we did meet up again after that. I actually think he liked me more than I liked him. It was a rare display of self respect for me!

[QueenLizIII]

wow Venus. id never do that.

what happened when you met again

[venusinscorpio]

He was fine. We went out. But it was a temporary thing when I was living away from home for 3 months. We never actually had sex, just went on a few dates.

[venusinscorpio]

I was just so angry about him blanking me to my face that I didn't care what he or anyone thought!

[venusinscorpio]

We're still Facebook friends, occasionally he pops up on my newsfeed. I'd have deleted him if we hadn't ended amicably.

[QueenLizIII]

Good for you. Id be too embarrassed to confront. Id just scuttle off.

i tend to think they must have hated me to blank. which is illogical.

[venusinscorpio]

As I say, I've had some truly cringeworthy times too where I have let men keep me hanging on and treat me like crap as a FWB for years and years. I think this guy got the brunt of some of that anger if I'm honest, which was maybe unfair!