Can I join? It's just that if I don't get this out of my head, it'll fester and my wankbadger of an ex will have won...
My ex and I split up 7 years ago, when I discovered that he was cheating on me (actually on the day his now-wife gave birth to their oldest DC, when he took DS out for the day, then called to say "yeah; he has a new sister and I'm taking him to the hospital to meet her!" I think that alone might tell you what he's like as a person!). I have two DC - DD, 20, who isn't my ex's, but he had been in her life on a daily basis from the time she was a baby and who always... always... considered him to be "dad", and DS, who turned 12 on Friday. Ex sees DS EOW for 9 hours on the Saturday - which is his choice. There are no week-night teas, no trips out, nothing. Ex has refused point blank to see DD at all since we split - and when she's been at his parents, and he's turned up... he's blanked her completely. His wife (who didn't know he already had a family, he'd take DS to meet her when DS was very small, maybe 3 or so... and claim that he was his nephew) is lovely. I had their two DC here for the weekend, so that they could participate in their older brother's birthday (and so that my ex could take Mrs Ex away for the weekend).
Every year since DS was born, ex has made a big deal out of his birthday. When we were together, there were demands that I keep him up until he got home from work (usually about 9 or 10 o'clock at night), and then when we split... there were telephone calls on the day itself. Which would be fine if (a) my DS would actually use the telephone - he has overly sensitive ears and, because it hurts, he refuses point blank to, unless it's on speaker, and (b) not whine about his upset at not seeing DS that day... which, because the 'phone is on speaker, I've always had to listen to. This year, we were expecting the same to happen. A call from a man-child in which he whines about not seeing DS that day, and how tough his life is, and... no interest in DS whatsoever.
Except... there was radio silence on the day itself. Not a problem, I said to DS (who was actually quite upset), you'll see him in the morning when he drops your little brother and sister off for the weekend...
But it was ex's mother who dropped them off (her card to DS had arrived 3 days earlier). And collected them again on the Sunday afternoon (and in hindsight, I don't know why I didn't ask why their grandparents - who also have limited contact with my DS - couldn't have the little ones!).
No card, no call, no... nothing.
Except a throwaway remark from my ex's mother concerning the fact that her man-child of a son is still upset about the fact that our DS went on a school trip on "their" (not "his", mind, but "their", as he dumps DS on his wife/parents/siblings/aged grandmother at every opportunity, rather than spend time with him, one-to-one, himself) Saturday with him. Yep, that's right. A school trip. I didn't see DS that weekend, either, from Friday morning (my birthday, as it happens) until past his bedtime on the Sunday night - and on the Monday, he was off to school at the usual time with everyone else who'd gone on the trip, so other than "hello, goodnight, see you later!", DS, DD and I were passing ships.
DS has had an awful lot to contend with this year, because of his sister's MH issues (which I've posted about on here before). The school trip was meant to be something that would allow him to spend time with his friends, experience new things, and - I was hoping - lead to eventual overnights with his grandparents every now and then, which his younger siblings get to do every week, at least once. What I wasn't expecting was that he'd end up being punished by ex because of it.
Because that's what it is, isn't it? Punishment. Ex couldn't get his way... because I agreed to allow DS to do a one-off trip with his school and enjoy himself (which, thankfully, he did), so he'll completely ignore his birthday.
Instead, DS pointed out to me this morning as he was leaving for school, that we were used to mind ex's "new family" whilst he went on holiday (something else that he does on a frequent basis on "his" Saturdays with our DS... which we know nothing about until his mother turns up to get him and it's "oh, he and [his wife] have taken [the children] away to X/Y/Z for a week in the sun!", and which also hurt DS who knows that if asked because ex has no PR for DS, again his choice... he refused to be on the birth certificate and as we weren't married, I couldn't have him added, I would have agreed to).
I'm just so angry that he's now starting to punish our DS, the way he used to punish me if I or DD didn't do as he wanted all of the time... and so very sad that my beautiful boy is probably going to end up being treated like his older sister, by the man whom they both call "Dad", through no fault of his own. But I won't have his "new family" here again. Not after watching the misery on my DS' face when they were (innocently, they're only 7 and 5 after all) telling him all about how their Daddy took them to this place, and did that with them, and has promised them the other all weekend.
The weekend directly following his birthday, which was ignored by their Daddy.
and yet also 