Greencar - I wasn't sure whether to say anything but I really agree with frog
Who even talks about possibly seeing someone else before they're officially parted? And stress??!! Um, Mr Other Man, this is Greencar, have you met? He's stressed out !? I know it's not a competition and one person's stress doesn't cancel out anothers, but fgs.
Your tingling feeling that WN was right all along? No. I'd say that's your gut instinct and new found knowledge that Other Man isn't right for you either. He sounds like hugely hard work.
Ohb Please don't be torn. There's missing out on a dad, and then there's not missing out on a "dad" who's a selfish, violent wanker who'd like the mother of his child to not exist. I doubt he'd thank you in later life for helping him to have a relationship with this scumbag.
And it's not selfish to think why should you do anything you're not comfortable with. You're right, you've brought him up, and he doesn't deserve him. You're protecting him, that's not selfish.
As for the EA not being bad enough. Just from your posts and the texts he sounds unstable and cruel. No doubt you have a hundred other examples. People don't consider they might have PTSD because their ex was a bit mean. What you remember and felt, that's what it was. His phone call, a year down the line, promising to be different and a good dad, that changes nothing.
You say it's all happening so fast. He phoned, you emailed sols, you advised him of this, he contacted you again. You hold all the cards, you do it at your pace, he can't rush you.