Is it me? DH probs with my Son continue, he says it's all me.

[Tryingmybest4them]

Hi everyone
Apologies in advance as this may be long and disjointed...
I have 4 lovely DC all under 10 yrs old, my eldest DC are from exDH and i remarried and had youngest 2 DC with DH. Just to give some background DH and I have been together 7 years and married 3.
I met DH when my eldest dc were 1 and 3, as far as they can remember they don't remember a time before he was in our lives. DH had a very strict authoritarian style upbringing and has always been very set in his ways and strict with his parenting style with dc's 1&2 which in the beginning I went along with under some distorted view that he was trying to help and I didn't want to upset him I suppose. He also is very closed emotionally and doesn't seem to have empathy for others. Anyway sine dc's 3&4 have been born I have noticed a difference in the expectations and the way he treats them being his own children to the way he is with DC 1&2. It's mainly with dc2 who is a typical 8 year old boy and doesn't listen or follow instructions instantly, he's a cheeky chap with a very lovely big personality but he just seems to rub DH up the wrong way. I left DH earlier this year because my DC 1&2 were not happy (there is prevoius possible DA) and I told him I will always choose my DC over him. He eventually talked me round, I could see his point of view and realised it was me in the wrong too, he feels pushed out so he promised to try to build a better relationship with my ds, he moved back in and all was great for a few weeks but now it's slipping back to the way it was.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated....

Don' dont too much trying - remember your still convalescing.

Good luck for today

And if he kicks off over kids making noise at half time what better reason for asking the police to remove him from your home?

Hey trying
Divorce advice quickly before he leaves. And whilst he's still in bed.
Can you get a payslip and his bank account statements if he has them and take photos.

He will lie and he will lose the money.
Also grab kids birth Certs and passports and maybe lock them under a mat in your car?

Just quietly without him knowing.

So proud of you.

He is packing his stuff.
My 3 yr old just asked him why he is putting stuff in his car, he said ask mummy. I don't know what to say?
I didn't expect to feel like bursting into tears

Sweetheart, tell your children the truth appropriate to their age and stage.

It's understandable that you feel emotional but the way this man has treat you is deplorable. Waking your son from his bed is shocking and so cruel.

Stopping you from retrieving the Xmas presents was also a cruel thing to do.

You being afraid to let the kids make a noise due to fear of his reaction is awful - so abusive and controlling by him.

Be strong, you deserve better, you can get better, your poor son deserves better,

Go to the CSA too.

'Daddy is going to stay at nannys house'

That will be enough for a three year old

He has taken the little DC to walk the dog, he took them in my car as he put fuel in it this week so he may as well use it
I asked him what time he will bring DC and dog back, he ignored me until the fifth time I asked then he said he doesn't know. I asked for them back at 5 for dinner, he got angry and said I don't know yet.

I feel so low now, perhaps I should have waited until I was better, I feel so powerless.

I don't have his payslips, no idea where he keeps them either. I do have proof of about £13000 of his savings from June but he has already closed the accounts. I've heard a forensic accountant will be able to trace it but that will cost a fortune.

I though telling him to go was going to be the hardest bit but this is worse.

Trying, I've just read your thread.
You are amazing. You are doing the right thing & it's not in your head, he's abusive and causing your dcs to suffer not just your ds but all of them.
Well done for telling him to move out. Stand firm and be strong.

Thanks match, it really helps to receive messages of support.
I've just self referred for NHS counselling as I can't afford to pay privately.
I just wish I could go out and take my mind off it all.

No op the hardest bit will be keeping him gone. When he is on the phone begging for another chance, swinging from complete arsehole to mr nice guy. When he is using the kids to make you feel like a bag of shit.

Remember you were considering sending your DC away to get away from this bully.

Stop giving him power. You shouldn't have asked more than once - he was causing drama making you repeat it. He is trying to scare. He drove off in your car because he put petrol in it - what a dick. Let him drive round in circles untill it's all gone - who cares. He is a petty dickhead who is getting fucked off because of this behaviour.

Please stop giving him power. You will see a hundred sides to this bloke before it's finally over. You need to steel yourself now and be ready for it.

Stop giving him power

its your rental property

if he fucks off with the DC call the police

He is just an ordinary wanker with a control and inferiority complex.

Lol, thanks jingle that last part made me laugh!
Just had an argument with some old man at the furniture shop we bought the sofas from, was trying to make a claim as we bought the 5 yr insurance with them, only had them a few months and kids have got pen on them so thought I would either get repaired ready to sell for top price or if they couldn't repair be able to get new sofas, stupid old man told me it's all in DH name so he has to make the claim, I told him he has left as he was abusive and I can't contact him, he just laughter at me and said nothing he can do . Another utter twat!

Sorry the world is full of selfish muppets! Don't wear yourself out organising the sale of furniture- let him do it. Is it a leather sofa? You can get ink removing wipes which might do the job. Hang in there- I know it's rubbish, but it's better in the long run.
Try thanking him for keeping the kids out of your hair when he gets back- make out it's just what you were hoping. He probably won't like thinking that he has helped!
It's a good idea to gather important papers, and copy what you can. It may be worth getting some one like your mum to look after them for you, so he doesn't find them.

Stick with it, it's like bursting a boil- unpleasant but better out than in!

He cane back with DC at 4.30, was Mr Nice (ish) again. Well actually only in the sense that he didnt kick off .
He left them with me, asked if I was going to stop him seeing them, I said of course not, he said he wants to see them on Sunday as next day off.
He wanted to tell ds2 "the truth " I managed to convince him to just say he was going to help grandma.
I have come to stay with my parents at least for tonight as couldn't manage alone.

Well done trying .

How are you feeling?

I'm ok thanks Jingle, just looking forward to getting better and getting settled at home without him. Also really looking forward to going back to work and kids going back to school after half term, I think we all just need routine!
The dr said I could drive between 2-4 weeks after op if I feel ok, I think I could do it now but when I said this to my DM she thought it was a really bad idea and said I'm doing too much.

Keep on, keeping on trying. Remember this is the worst bit and you have to put your health first at the moment, but you are getting there.

trying I know how you feel about the car, I had a c-section last Tuesday and I feel like caged animal. Dd2 (3) is being very good but I feel like she is cooped up. There is only so much TV they can watch! Listen to your DM though!

You can start looking forward to a fresh new year X

Ah congratulations jingle, that's wonderful news!

Yes think I may have a nye party!

You are doing so well OP..

Can I ask why you don't want your children telling the truth.. I told my DS that I thought that we would all be happier if we didn't live together..

Hi starlight ds is only 3 so trying to keep it age appropriate. I will tell him as he gets older but for now I think that's enough. My dd1 and ds1 know the truth

Having a wobble this morning, I know it sounds crazy but I miss him.
Don't worry I'm not thinking about going back, I just feel really sad

Stay strong, you're bound to feel sad, you will probably remember the good bits and wish that things were different but you've given it your best shot TWICE and you deserve better. You and your children don't deserve to be happy some of the time and the rest spent walking in egg shells, better things lie ahead you just need to get through the lonely bit xxx

Try remembering all the bad times every time you start to miss him x

You are not doing this for yourself but for your son. He deserves better. He deserves a mother that stands up for him.

Stay strong OP - thinking of you and your lovely ds.

My sister upset me yesterday, I think that is what started me feeling upset. She has been in an on off abusive relationship for 2 years, her dp is quite similar to my DH. Unfortunately she is so down trodden that she begs him for forgiveness as in her own words it's better than being on her own. Last night she noticed I am not wearing my wedding rings and bought it up, I just said nope, then she asked me if I'm sure I'm doing the right thing? I was quite short with her but not rude and just said yep definitely. She made me doubt myself last night. Now my mum has just spoken to me and my sister told her I snapped at her and said I didn't want to talk about it and leave me alone, my sister is now not talking to me. Wwyd?