Just found out he's having an affair..

[3yearsnosleep]

Saw the texts and emails. He's going round in the morning apparently 'to make her blush'. She's his mates wife. What do I do???? Feel sick and have 2 little ones to look after.

Hope you're ok OP. Been in your position before children and that was bad enough. Please look after yourself and try and get some rest. You need to be able to look after your children and you can't do that if you don't look after yourself.

Just checking in to make you a virtual and say I'm thinking of you

You need legal advice asap, OP. Going on that holiday might not be a brilliant idea as I have a feeling that he has as much right as you to live in the home. He might return to it in your absence, no doubt declaring he had nowhere else to go and surely the two of you can work it out etc etc. Hopefully your DM is with you now and might be able to help you make decisions and plans about what next?

Just hoping your getting lots of support, and that you are looking after yourself. Thinking of you.

I hope your mum can help take some of the stress of being home alone with the little ones better while you're sorting out your mind.

I would change your locks, btw. Especially if you're think you might still be going on the holiday with the little ones and a parent/friend.

Your husband really, really sucks. Sorry, OP. Hang in there.

Hope you're ok, OP. Or as ok as you can be.

Can your mum go on the holiday with you?

All the financial and legal stuff can seem so daunting at first.

Take each day, each hour even, at a time.

Op my husband left me 3 years ago...i honestly wanted to die...but im ok now...lifes different but im glad im here x

Hope that you are okay love 🌺

OP, it's almost 5 years for me. I thought I would never get through it, how could I live without him, how would I cope with DC on my own. But everyone on here told me it would get better, and it did. It's hard for you to believe that now, but it will.

Just look after yourself for the moment, don't worry about anything other than yourself and your DC.

Can your mum or another friend go on the holiday with you instead?

9 months since for me.
And I'm honestly so happy, have been seeing someone amazing. Kids are settled into their routine, things are civil with the ex.
He's still with her, they deserve each other.

But honestly it will get better/easier.
You don't want to be with someone you could never trust, who was so utterly disgusting and disrespectful.
And this is who he is.

I hope you're ok, and have rl people to support you.

Hope you are ok op.

I think it is completely differ not how you feel when your partner has had an affair if you stay to if you leave. You can't compare. Someone who left and feels okay after six months is more than likely going to feel better in some ways than someone who stayed.

Completely different obviously

I'm still numb and devastated but my mum is looking after us and I've just eaten half a sandwich which is progress. Met him this morning with bin bags full of his stuff. Didn't speak to him at all. Only thing is my little girl is going to start missing him soon and I'm wondering what to do about that. Can we pretend he still lives here and he just comes round to help with bedtimes a couple of nights and the rest of the time say he's working away??! She's only 3 and unfortunately thinks the world of him!

I'm glad that your mum is looking after you, but so sorry that you and your little girl's lives have been turned upside down like this. Just dreadful. You don't deserve to be going through this hell. What a shock it must be for you. Thank you for posting. I know a great many of us have been thinking of you.

We're all here OP, to support and guide you.
You're being very brave, you really are.
As for your little girl, if you're happy, she will be too.
Don't let him creep back in, through your precious daughter.
You've got a lovely Mum, she'll be hurting too, no doubt, give her these, from us 💐💐💐

Thank you. She can't stop crying. x

I wouldn't recommend that setup, OP. Immensely confusing for your daughter, and a betrayal when she learns the truth. Not to mention hard for you, and suçh a risk of conflict in front of your daughter.

You don't have to tell her all, of course, but don't let her life be a lie.

I agree with PP that set up would blur the lines and be confusing. I think you need a clean break but you need time to take it all on first. It's good you've got your DM I don't think I would be where I am if it wasn't for my parents when DS DF went off with someone else. Surround yourself with people who love and care for you.

I wouldn't confuse your daughter either. You need to work out visitation with him for her outside of your home.

OP, my DD was only just 4 when XH left. For a few weeks he put her to bed a couple times a week, but she knew he had moved out. She found it very confusing and looked for him every morning afterwards.

I would say make a clean break or it will be really confusing for her.

It's still early days for you though, you don't need to make any major decisions yet.

I think I've decided that he/we can tell her this week that he'll be living in another house. Then it's done and we can all just move on. I don't think there's any rush for what happens after that in terms of finances, access etc. I can look into things and make sure I know what I'm asking for.

OP, have you heard from your in-laws? They must be furious with their son.