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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found out he's having an affair..

184 replies

3yearsnosleep · 13/10/2016 17:07

Saw the texts and emails. He's going round in the morning apparently 'to make her blush'. She's his mates wife. What do I do???? Feel sick and have 2 little ones to look after.

OP posts:
Wheresthewine36 · 13/10/2016 18:59

What a piece of shit. I'm so sorry he has done this to you. My own reaction would be to speak to his friend, show him the evidence and encourage him to arrange to watch his home in the morning,await the arrival of the shithead and let himself in after 10-15 minutes. See who is blushing then.
Whilst this is happening, I would arrange for a locksmith to replace all locks on your home, then throw his clothes in bin bags with a generous dose of bleach mixed in and leave them at the end of the garden/drive for him to collect.
But I am a naturally vengeful person.
Aside from all that, what you really,really need is a good friend to talk to. Sending you hugs and best wishes and mentally sending him and his friends wife genital warts.xxxx

RepentAtLeisure · 13/10/2016 19:13

I doubt he'll turn up at her house tomorrow now he's been sprung. I wouldn't say anything to her husband for two reasons, 1) It's something you have over him which could be useful in future when he has a choice about being reasonable or being an arsehole (money/kids) and 2) It's very unlikely but not impossible that he and his friend will repair their friendship and then you become one of two evil bitches. Don't jump into that mud pit, it's the last thing you need right now. Focus on getting some legal advice.

SarcasmMode · 13/10/2016 19:16

I'm so sorry op - what a nasty pair they are.

I agree to tell the husband sooner rather than later.

Poor you, other husband and any kids involved.

Graceflorrick · 13/10/2016 19:18

Thinking of you OP Flowers

icanteven · 13/10/2016 19:20

Thinking of you - you might be locked in a conversation with him now, but if at all possible, try to get someone to come over this evening...

Original poster
3yearsnosleep · 13/10/2016 19:24

He was really sorry, told me he needed to come in to beg me for forgiveness. Told him to get stuffed and he's gone away. I'm devastated, I honestly thought we had a really good relationship. I've just had his second baby ffs!
I've phoned the husband and sent him a text asking him to call me. He deserves to know what a shit she is. If it comes out later it'll make it worse. Have absolutely no idea what to do after that.

OP posts:
hippydippybaloney · 13/10/2016 19:26

Do you have a joint account he has access to?

fc301 · 13/10/2016 19:26

Well done you xxx

BastardGoDarkly · 13/10/2016 19:27

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry, is your mum close by? Good friend? I wish you had someone with you.

Bet he's shitting himself. Good.

Babblehag · 13/10/2016 19:28

Op you will most definitely need time, and a rl shoulder, do you have a friend who can stop over tonight?

UnicornPee · 13/10/2016 19:29

Hold your head up and know that you're better off now he's gone. What a dick.
Hope you're ok x

MUjunkie · 13/10/2016 19:29

Arsehole! You must be devastated! Good luck with everything and stay strong

GeekyWombat · 13/10/2016 19:30

Agree with PP about taking money from the joint bank account if you have one just to ensure you and the little ones are ok for the next little while as this sinks in.

Thinking of you OP Flowers

EweAreHere · 13/10/2016 19:32

I hope you're not alone tonight and you have someone you can talk your options and feelings through with.

No final decisions have to be made tonight, but it's good you've sent him away so you can at least think about what you want to do.

Take care of yourself and your little ones.

ICuntSeeYourPoint · 13/10/2016 19:32

Well done for not letting him come in because he "needed to beg forgiveness". It's not about what he needs at this stage, it's about what you need. Showing him some very swift consequences for his shitty actions is absolutely the way to go.

QueenLaBeefah · 13/10/2016 19:33

Well done. Have you got any real life support?

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 13/10/2016 19:34

Well done on being so strong. I think you should tell his mate. I was in a similar situation and left it too late and by the time I told him, he believed them and not me, mainly because he trusted that his friend would not do that to him. But he did, and I wish I had told the mate right from the start. If you have definite evidence, then tell him. It's best to have it all out in the open.

I hope that you have some good support around you, please make sure that you let a good friend, or family member know what is happening and hopefully they will be able to come and support you.

Financially, (if you need to) ring the Tax Credit office tomorrow and start a claim as a single parent. Ring the council tax office and advise them that you are now the sole adult on the premises. Those are the immediate financial things to sort out.

Where you go from here is very much up to the both of you, you need to talk, but you have done the right thing for now, in order to get some breathing space.

Wheresthewine36 · 13/10/2016 19:34

Bless you, I know what a massive blow it is to discover something like this.xxxx

EweAreHere · 13/10/2016 19:35

And please remember: right now, you don't owe him anything. Nothing. YOU get to determine the time scale and rules for how this plays out for the foreseeable future, not him. Don't let him pressure you into 'his' idea of when you should talk, etc. Take the time you need.

gininteacupsandleavesonthelawn · 13/10/2016 19:36

What an idiot. You must be devastated xx rally some support and lean on whoever you can to help you be strong

Msqueen33 · 13/10/2016 19:37

What an absolute fuck weasel! So he's definitely done something if he's begging for forgiveness. Look after yourself and your babies x

Waltermittythesequel · 13/10/2016 19:47

If you can, clear out the account tonight so you don't get left short.

40somethingwonderful · 13/10/2016 19:47

What an arse. Stay strong 💐💐💐

Emmageddon · 13/10/2016 19:50

Thinking of you 3yearsnosleep and I hope and pray you have some real life support this evening. Sending a virtual glass of Wine and a hug.

notapizzaeater · 13/10/2016 19:50

He sounds like a right arse :-(