I've really fucked up - contacted ex anonymously and he figured out it was me

[WakeMeWhenThisIsDone]

Name changed for this. As everything put together would most definitely out me.

I just feel awful. I sent a jokey e-mail to him from an anonymous account and he somehow figured out it was me. I now want to crawl into a dark cave and stay there forever.

I'm not sure what the joke would be but given that it's a dig at his ex's birthday, it's fairly obvious that it's you.

But what can you do?

Oh dear, Wake.

He knows it was you. Why not just admit it with an apology blaming alcohol?

Then, you need to move on from it all (and him).

Of course he knows it's you.

I don't understand why you did it, or why you are so worried that he knows. Neither are that bad. Just stop looking at the email account
You need to move on, make a future for yourself without him in it.

Well if you sent it you obviously wanted him to reply, and he has, and now you've changed your mind?

What did you want to happen??
If he hadn't replied you'd have driven yourself mad refreshing the page
You've got what you wanted haven't you??

Lets face it, he knows it was you. You know it was you. No point pretending otherwise. Now you need to work out what to do with the situ. If you want some contact then answer his question on how you are, if you don't then move on, ignore his question and and forget all about it and him.

You clearly wanted a reaction and now you've got one, what did you think would happen?

Hang on guys, he's the arse for cheating with OW. That's got to sting and of course OP is brooding.

OP, I don't see what the big deal is - he sounds a prat for cheating. Who cares what he thinks.

If he's good with computers he could look up the details of where the email was sent from (maybe through IP address). I don't really understand it but OH is a computer whizz and can do that fairly easily. It gives a general area down to a few streets so you could work out from that?

I mean unless he can really prove it then it's not me. Right?

Umm, you've gone a bit 'If a tree falls in the forest...', OP.

Although it would be ace if it worked like that

Wow! Of course it is obvious it is you, who else would be bothered about that matter? He even replied straight away addressing you by name, he knows it is you. Who else would even know her birthday?!

This doesn't sound anything like the equivalent of drunk texting to me. You took the time to create an account to do this with. You've admitted that you need help to move on - please speak to your GP about counselling because I think you'll be happier overall if you can speak to someone about it. It is horrible that he cheated on you, but you can't turn back time so it's time to start looking forward and not spending your valuable energy imagining what he is doing or thinking on a particular day. He is not worth the effort so focus on yourself.

Well there are not many people who are going to know or be remotely interested in the fact that the OWs and the BFs birthdays are on the same day.

Logically it has to be either you or the OW. I can't imagine the BF gives a shit. As he is still friends with the OW perhaps he might ask her if it was her as well, but I think it's going to be fairly obvious that it would be you.

It was a slightly odd thing to do but you can't undo it so just own it and be damned.

And if it wasn't you, then who else would it be? Even if you keep protesting that it wasn't you, he's got an email from an account he doesn't know about a subject that you'd have a vested interest in... I imagine he won't be able to think of another culprit however much he racks his brains.
You must have sent the email for a reaction, otherwise there would have been no point. What reaction were you hoping for?

OP I think you need to own your own crazy on this one.

You fucked up. You sent a semi-stalkery email to your ex. It was obvious it was you. The mature thing to do is to fess up, apologise and tell him you still have feelings for him.

Then it's up to him.

Just be honest. Life's too short for these silly games.

Of course he knows it was you. No-one except a hurting and bruised ex would send an anonymous email referencing anything to do with a subsequent girlfriend. You are the only candidate who would have sent it because sending anonymous emails isn't a normal thing to do.

"own your own crazy" 😂

Oh dear. How are you doing today OP?

Heartbreak is horrible and it can make you do weird things.

It sounds like you might need some help moving on.

I'm a bit bemused as to why this even matters.

Just delete the whole email account, and go on with your life as if it hadn't happened.

The embarrassment will fade in time.

I agree that the dignified thing to do is reply "of course it was me! well spotted" and leave it there. If you deny it you will look so foolish.

I am also loving 'own your own crazy', that's a great phrase Lessthan

OP, why is it such an issue that he knows it is you? Are you not supposed to be in contact with him for a legal reason, so sending this email has breached an order?

It was an odd thing to do but all this 'unless he actually saw me' stuff is kind of odder.

of course he knows it's you - only the ex GF is going to send something like that.

Delete the account (who even has an anonymous account unless they are using it for dodgy stuff) and leave him alone.

I'm still embarrassed and a bit panicky if I'm being honest klassy

I'm still doubting it tbh. Like the phrase 'own your crazy' but can't seem to atm.

What are you doubting?

OP, really, you need to let this go now.

This man cheated on you. His opinion isn't worth shit. You have nothing to be embarrassed about - you're human & therefore imperfect.

Be kind to yourself, OK?

I don't know Cabrinha I'm hoping that he has doubts that it was me. Although he did address me by name and ask me how things are going. I just don't want it to be so concretly obvious. I'm having a glass of wine now to try and stop me going out of me head. It's far too early but I just feel so bad about it. I know I need to get grip. The actuality of it isn't lost on me.

If you are drinking at 11.00 am, perhaps you should deactivate the email account first?

Of course he knows it was you. Right now damage limitation seems sensible.

I mean this kindly but if you are drinking this early, you either have an issue with alcohol (if you do it regularly) or you need to get help to get over the breakup of the relationship.

Liv I haven't deactivated it.I'm just reading it through wondering how it can be so obvious. There's 7 odd-billion people on the Earth. It can't have been that obvious it was me. I'm hoping that it isn't. I don't drink in the mornings regularly at all. I don't have plans for today and I'm feeling panicky and unsure of myself atm.