I've really fucked up - contacted ex anonymously and he figured out it was me

[WakeMeWhenThisIsDone]

Name changed for this. As everything put together would most definitely out me.

I just feel awful. I sent a jokey e-mail to him from an anonymous account and he somehow figured out it was me. I now want to crawl into a dark cave and stay there forever.

What were you expecting to happen?

Nishky You've got it.

The joke wasn't so much of a joke as such. He cheated on me with OW and then later left OW but her birthday is the same as his best friends' birthday so I sent a joke in that regard.

Yes it does mean that there are unresolved issues but I can't resolve them myself. And I know I need to move on but I can't seem to be able to.

Yeah that was always going to be pretty obvious it was you, wasn't it?

What do you think you can do now, to try to put this behind you and emotionally move on? I know it's always difficult when you've been betrayed, but I guess you must still be dwelling on it. How long has it been?

Well of course that would be pretty obvious it was you, who else would do that?

You could just answer 'yip, it was me, Wake. Thought this was funny. Hope you are well' then delete/change your e mail account
Or reply 'Who is Wake? Was that your gf before OW?' and you might sound clueless enough to deflect the attention

I'm sure if this was the ex sending a 'jokey' email to the OP there would be a chorus of 'call the police and log it', 'that's stalking', 'serious red flag there op', 'contacting your solicitor and get a restraining order so he can't be on the same galaxy as you' and, 'are you safe OP'

so you wanted to get his attention, and it worked.
Well done.

Now what?

yeah Pan that is exactly what would happen

OP this really isn't good

Do you want to chat about why you did this, what you hoped to achieve?

A bit weird and stalkerish op, certainly not what anyone would think was a joke.
Just deny and move on , he'll forget , eventually.
You can see why he thought it was you though .

We've all done twattish things. Just leave it there now, delete, block, move on.
Don't be harsh on yourself X

Yes it was stupid.
Yes its obvious it was you.
Delete, block, forget.

So it wasn't very jokey? More bitter ex-ey?

Hmm how did he work out it was you?

How long ago did all this happen?

Forget it, OP. His opinion counts for nothing. Every interesting person makes a million of these fuck-ups. I spent decades making nothing but.

Move on, forget. Seriously.

Yeah, that joke made it obvious it was you.

What's to resolve? He's a big fat cheater. You deserve better.

No that wasn't jokey, it was weird & stalkerish-you went to the trouble of setting up an anonymous account but the 'joke' made it very obvious it was you.
Not good, you need to move on & leave him alone. He did a shit thing to you but at some point you're going to have to get over it.

Wow! Seriously fucked up. How low IS your self esteem?

You should be on the dating thread.

Can I ask why it'd be so obvious it was me?

It was a reference to whether or not he'd be celebrating this particular day. After all he remained friends with OW and obviously his best friend. Other than his cursory questioning he wouldn't necessarily concretely know it was me. Would he?

I know I was and am being unreasonable but given that he can't prove it concretely then.

Who else would have known that info and think it was funny?

That's why it was obvious.

Or be emotionally invested enough to create an anonymous email

Listen to Georgethecat and Rawprawn.

You need to look after yourself- chalk it up to 'stupid mistake, lots of people do similar, time to move on'

Listen to Shake It Off and jump around to get the embarrassment out and then move on in the safe knowledge you'll never do it again! We've all done cringey things, don't worry