Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I've really fucked up - contacted ex anonymously and he figured out it was me

225 replies

WakeMeWhenThisIsDone · 07/10/2016 12:22

Name changed for this. As everything put together would most definitely out me.

I just feel awful. I sent a jokey e-mail to him from an anonymous account and he somehow figured out it was me. I now want to crawl into a dark cave and stay there forever.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 07/10/2016 16:55

Of course it was bloody obvious

Move on

ChaChaChaCh4nges · 07/10/2016 17:02

The part I don't get is what you were hoping to achieve.

AnyFucker · 07/10/2016 17:03

Do you want him back ?

Ilovetorrentialrain · 07/10/2016 17:04

He'll be possibly 50/50 between you and OW. If he recognised your writing style - or could tell by what was written it def wasn't her then it's 100% got to be from you.

OP I'd just completely leave it and try to move on from him in every way. I hope you're OK.

RetroImp · 07/10/2016 17:05

Are you 14 OP? Suppose mental age isn't everything.

category12 · 07/10/2016 17:10

Nobody in the whole wide world, other than you, would care enough and have that information to make that connection and make that 'joke'. Especially anonymously. You might as well have written "Hi it's me, I am brooding over things".

GoofyTheHero · 07/10/2016 17:31

Because why would anyone else care enough to make a 'joke' like that?
In the absence of tracking your IP address no, he wouldn't know conclusively. But it's pretty obviously. Of course it is, as he immediately replied asking if it was you.

StartledByHisFurryShorts · 07/10/2016 18:00

Don't worry about it too much. Had you been drinking? Plenty of people have sent drunk messages to an ex. (Although the anonymous thing is a bit weird.)

Concentrate on moving on. Get over him. Don't stalk him on social media. And don't send him any more messages.

QueenLizIII · 07/10/2016 18:23

I did something very stupid like that many years ago.

I couldnt care less what he thought now. You'll get over it soon.

leaveittothediva · 07/10/2016 18:28

BitOutOfPractice

Seriously. He knows it's her. A bit like bolting the door when the horse is gone.

leaveittothediva · 07/10/2016 18:31

Ah, so what no big deal. Forget about it.

Cabrinha · 07/10/2016 18:45

I still don't understand what you actually said or why.

But look, he knows it was you. Big deal. Doesn't mean you need to talk any more about. Yeah, he'll think you were weird - because you were - but you don't need to care what he thinks. Move on. And don't send any more!!

MoonfaceAndSilky · 07/10/2016 19:07

I still don't understand what you actually said or why.

I don't either Confused

Did you ask him if he is celebrating because it's his friend's birthday but also the OW (who is now his ex)? Why would he be celebrating if he is not with her anymore? Also how is that jokey? I don't get it Confused

ProseccoBitch · 07/10/2016 19:10

What an odd thing to do. I can't understand how it was jokey in any way whatsoever or how he could have any doubt as to who sent it.

category12 · 07/10/2016 19:15

It's not jokey, it's jokey in the head of someone having a bit of a moment.

But it's OK, OP, have a good cringe and kick yourself and then, if you really can't get him out of your head, perhaps think about doing some self-CBT or even proper CBT or go out and get under someone else or something. You're doing yourself no good dwelling on this guy. We all have done cringeworthy things - but this is getting a bit obsessive and weird, so you need to stop.

AmeliaJack · 07/10/2016 19:18

He knows it you because who else would find that funny or use an anonymous email account to make the joke?

Use your abject embarrassment to remind you not to do this again.

He cheated on you, he is not worth one moment of your day.

Original poster
WakeMeWhenThisIsDone · 07/10/2016 20:12

AF I used to think that I did.

I'm still holding out hope that it is not so evident that it was me.

OP posts:
Original poster
WakeMeWhenThisIsDone · 07/10/2016 20:12

I mean unless he can really prove it then it's not me. Right?

OP posts:
GoofyTheHero · 07/10/2016 20:19

He knows it's you. Of course not 100%, but he knows it's you. What does it matter, really? He cheated on you, and he's not in your life any more. Forget about it and move on.

GoofyTheHero · 07/10/2016 20:20

I'm still holding out hope that it is not so evident that it was me.

You sent it, he replied asking if it was you. How can it be anything other than evident?

Tunafishandlions · 07/10/2016 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Coconutty · 07/10/2016 20:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bluebelle38 · 07/10/2016 20:26

People are being cruel. You need to talk to someone professional if you haven't been able to move on. Your behaviour is a symptom of this. You loved him, he cheated, you still likely love him. Stop beating yourself up. This incident has highlighted the need to talk this through with a counsellor. You aren't creepy, you are hurting and need some support.

Meeep · 07/10/2016 21:29

Reply again, sending a photo of a guinea-pig in a hat, say "Remember this?" Then delete the account and never think of it again.

He'll think it might not be you, it might be some guinea-pig random person he's misplaced a memory of.

Or he'll think it's still you but you're absolutely loopy nowadays, which somehow I'd cringe less over than him thinking I was pining over him, if I was you.

Exes can make you crazy, we've all been there.

Cabrinha · 07/10/2016 21:35

Um, no - even if he can't or prove it was you, it was still you because... it was you!
Have you had a Friday night 🍷?! Cos you've got a bit Schroedinger's Cat.

Look it was you - you know that. He knows it's you. But: it doesn't matter

As a PP said, use the abject embarrassment to help you steer clear in future.

What on earth did you actually say?!