DH wants me to orgasm

[Sugarandspice123]

I feel really under pressure and my marriage is suffering because I don't feel as sexual as I used to. I gave birth 8 weeks ago and my 'urges' just haven't returned, and it's really affecting my relationship. Please note this is coming from a place of love on the side of DH as he sees making me orgasm a way of showing his love, and he's finding the lack of intimacy is really affecting his mental health. But I can't force or fake my feelings, we've never been like that, always been open and honest. Last week he went to work without saying goodbye for the first time in 5 years. I found out he was upset because when he'd tried to 'pleasure' me the night before I hadn't orgasmed. I now feel under so much pressure. We've DTD twice in the last week and it's been painful and difficult, we've never had problems before.

I'm worried that it's going to affect DHs relationship with DS. DH doesn't have a good relationship with his father, we think his father resents him for taking his mother away from him when DH was a baby. I don't want the same thing happening again. This was not a surprise pregnancy, it was much longed for. 1st pregnancy ended in MC at 12 weeks, I nearly MCed this one, had SPD at the end (which got in the way of sex) then had a long traumatic birth ending in emergency C section. I'm a glass half full sort of a person and see it as a miracle DS and I are so healthy. DH is a glass half empty and is angry we've all suffered so much.

DH is overly clingy and affectionate ATM which is lovely, and he tells me how beautiful I am, but it's just not working, and I can see how much it's getting to him. I just want to be a happy family and this is getting in the way. I don't know whether I'm looking for advice or just reassurance it gets better

You realise that despite the six week check up, it actually takes months to recover properly from a section? It's major surgery. Perhaps if your idiot husband was sliced open after months of pain and trauma, he'd find a clue.

Oh, and as for his Oedipal whinging, too bad. He can see a counsellor to help his mental health if that's a problem. Or is it only hot sex with a lustful, panting woman whose surgery stitches have barely dissolved that can cure him of this dreadful malaise?

He's had a child and it is no longer all about him. If his own father was a tosspot about it, he can resolve to do differently.

He is not lovely. He is AWFUL.
He is an awful person and his 'mental health' is not affected by not fucking a woman who is in pain 8 weeks after expelling a human from her body and major surgery. Would you be demanding sex from him in the same situation?

Oh gosh this all sounds a bit familiar. Please don't feel pressured into enjoying it or even doing it at all. I made the commitment to start having sex after about a month post baby and then kicked myself I didn't try and stretch it a bit longer as I didn't feel sexual in the slightest and once you recommence (I felt like) there's no going back.

It doesn't sound like his behaviour is coming from a loving place. Look after yourself and your needs.

Is there a reason he needs to put a penis inside of you for his mh? Could he not just give loads of oral sex (if you wanted it)?

Hamster this is because the OP's DH says it's for her benefit too, and if she doesn't enjoy it with an orgasm as well then that makes him sulk and feel bad about himself

His attention is not coming from a place of love, but one of ego. Where did he get this 8 weeks notion from? Have your health visitor or GP tell him that 8 weeks is nothing. He thinks that have a C-section is a walk in the park, but it's actually major surgery (as you know( involving cutting of abdominal muscle and uterus). Recovery from an op takes months, and added to that you've had a baby as well.

I have to say his unreasonablness suggests there is something very wrong with him. Does not bode well, I'm afraid. I know he's sexually frustrated but he just has to deal with it, esp. as you have told him it HURTS.

Sorry I made a mistake posting, I was feeling lost and wanted to hear from other mums and how they got their libido back PP, and was worried about my DH. He has taken such good care of us, he took a month off work to do all the housework and cooking. Yes he wants a sexual relationship with me again because I'm his wife and he loves me. I really appreciate knowing that others have left it longer, and I do think we need to have a good conversation. But I've requested this thread be deleted because I don't think I've quite explained my situation properly. Thank you.

Sorry I made a mistake posting, I was feeling lost and wanted to hear from other mums and how they got their libido back PP, and was worried about my DH. He has taken such good care of us, he took a month off work to do all the housework and cooking. Yes he wants a sexual relationship with me again because I'm his wife and he loves me. I really appreciate knowing that others have left it longer, and I do think we need to have a good conversation. But I've requested this thread be deleted because I don't think I've quite explained my situation properly. Thank you.

Sorry I made a mistake posting, I was feeling lost and wanted to hear from other mums and how they got their libido back PP, and was worried about my DH. He has taken such good care of us, he took a month off work to do all the housework and cooking. Yes he wants a sexual relationship with me again because I'm his wife and he loves me. I really appreciate knowing that others have left it longer, and I do think we need to have a good conversation. But I've requested this thread be deleted because I don't think I've quite explained my situation properly. Thank you.

He's a cunt.

And sorry I posted that 3 times! Stupid phone!

I think you've explained it perfectly and you know it.

And as others have already said, his spiel about his lack of relationship with his father and the reasonf or it is blackmail. He's using his own child to manipulate you into having painful sex, hoping that you will do anything to avoid that for your child. Your husband is not a good person.

You didn't make a mistake posting, you asked because you needed help.

It can be really hard to hear difficult truths about one's situation, but in the long run it will be better for you and for your child, and, if your husband can work out his issues, for him too.

This is a really important issue in terms of your overall relationship and it needs addressing. I wish you all the best.

No problem motherofravens this thread won't slow down and people will insist they now understand your situation better than you do.
Congratulations on your new baby, make sure you let your DH know you need space.

No one can tell you this is ok.
I'm sorry you are deleting it.
Not all women can have orgasms every time and rarely do women feel ready after 8 weeks.
You can love your partner in many more ways than sex. You can also thank them in more ways than sex.

People are worried you are not doing this for the right reasons.

Sorry but my immediate reaction is that your DH is creating a huge drama all about him when his role at the moment is to step back on to the back burner and support you with your young baby.

The last thing you need is a clingy dependent DH making an issue out of his sexual performance in the guise of being "caring".

You've got one clingy dependent 8 week old and that is enough for anyone to manage.

I have read everybody else's replies but in the info from the OT after I had a c section it said no sex for at least 12 weeks after a straight forward c section.

I think your DH is a selfish arse. You have grown a person and had that person cut out of you, in the mean time I bet everybody and their mate had a good rummage around. The last thing most people would want is anybody to touch them sexually. Btw intimate does not mean sexually.

Sorry - 8 weeks?! I'm 16 weeks post csec and still too bloody tired to even think about sex! Tell him to back off

His job is to take care of you! That's the minimum. He's not really lovely for cooking and cleaning, he's being horrible to you. You have explained it fine, you are not supposed to have a libido at 8 weeks. Someone women are up for it then, some aren't most aren't.

Saying it is affecting his MH and not saying good by to you because he hurt you makes him an abuser.

Bloody hell you should be doing it when you feel ready when I eventfully had sex it take me awhile to really get back to normal and have the same sex life I had prior it didn't feel the same as tbh I think we did it a little bit too soon so we waited abit longer.

HIBU. However, it sounds like he needs to talk over his relationship with his father at this stage - possibly with a counsellor - because he sounds as though he needs help with them. Just saying that she is a selfish tw*t isn't going to help either of you.

I know it must be hard to have loads of people calling your DH a selfish arse OP.

Please feel free to come back and start another thread if you need to, anytime.

Sorry - 'them' = emotions