DH wants me to orgasm

[Sugarandspice123]

I feel really under pressure and my marriage is suffering because I don't feel as sexual as I used to. I gave birth 8 weeks ago and my 'urges' just haven't returned, and it's really affecting my relationship. Please note this is coming from a place of love on the side of DH as he sees making me orgasm a way of showing his love, and he's finding the lack of intimacy is really affecting his mental health. But I can't force or fake my feelings, we've never been like that, always been open and honest. Last week he went to work without saying goodbye for the first time in 5 years. I found out he was upset because when he'd tried to 'pleasure' me the night before I hadn't orgasmed. I now feel under so much pressure. We've DTD twice in the last week and it's been painful and difficult, we've never had problems before.

I'm worried that it's going to affect DHs relationship with DS. DH doesn't have a good relationship with his father, we think his father resents him for taking his mother away from him when DH was a baby. I don't want the same thing happening again. This was not a surprise pregnancy, it was much longed for. 1st pregnancy ended in MC at 12 weeks, I nearly MCed this one, had SPD at the end (which got in the way of sex) then had a long traumatic birth ending in emergency C section. I'm a glass half full sort of a person and see it as a miracle DS and I are so healthy. DH is a glass half empty and is angry we've all suffered so much.

DH is overly clingy and affectionate ATM which is lovely, and he tells me how beautiful I am, but it's just not working, and I can see how much it's getting to him. I just want to be a happy family and this is getting in the way. I don't know whether I'm looking for advice or just reassurance it gets better

Op I hope that you are still lurking I know this thread must have been a difficult read for you. Some posters have been very blunt and it's not nice to read lots of comments calling your DH, who you love, horrible names.
I am concerned about some of the things in your OP as there are a lot of red flags there.

If you've been lurking for a while you may have read other threads where posters have had their partners abusive behaviour pointed out to them. They almost always react the way you have; defensive, incredulous, blame themselves for wording their OP wrong, and say they want the thread deleted. Eventually most accept that there is something in their relationship they are unhappy about.
Whilst PPs have been blunt, you really have had a lot of good advice here. Speak to your DH and tell him it's too early to have sex, tell him how he can express his love in other ways, particularly helping with th your DC. Keep an eye on how he reacts. Is he supportive? Is he happy to hold off on the physical side? Do you feel nervous when expressing certain thoughts to him?

Above all please do not be hesitant to post again if you need advice or feel that something is a bit "off". We are here.

Sooo many red flags.

I don't understand this:
we think his father resents him for taking his mother away from him when DH was a baby.

Did his parents split up or do you mean his mum diverted her attention to his dad?

A psych once explained love to me, as it ought to be in families: a parents' love is like a river, not like a pond where the water is limited and measured out to each member of the family. Whoever stands in the river is enveloped by it. If 6 people stand in the river they are all touched by it. That's what love is like. You don't take it away from one person and give their share to someone else.

You say OP that you 'have always been open ' with each other. If so, why is this any different? Have you really been open in the past- or only maybe when you were confident your DH would agree with you?

There are so many phrases in your first post that are worrying: under pressure, painful, mental health (because he's not getting sex?), overly clingy, glass half full=angry about how he has suffered....

Your DH really needs help. He's carrying a lot of anger around about something. Probably has low self esteem, has chosen someone lovely and compliant like you because it makes him feel in control, and now you aren't 'playing ball' he's not sure where he's at any more.

Please try to persuade him to talk to a counsellor.

www.feministcurrent.com/2016/10/06/not-unexpected-challenge-new-mothers-dealing-entitled-men/

I found a really good article for you op

Well you're never going to orgasm under that sort of pressure.

I was just about to post the article Hamster has linked to.

It seems you giving birth has turned your husband into a baby too. It's all about him and his clingy needs now isn't it? He needs to take some responsibility for himself.

If I were in a situation like this where I was only 2 months post birth and DH wanted to get our sex life back, I would just tell him it was too painful at the moment, it's too soon and I'm not ready. And that would be the end of it, no need for anyone to get upset. The fact that you're worried about his reaction if you simply tell him how you're feeling speaks volumes.

Oh my goodness, so much wrong here.

If a man needs to be told that sexually touching a woman when she doesn't want to be touched, continuing to touch her when it is clear she isn't finding it enjoyable and withholding affection because she didn't enjoy being sexually touched when she didn't want to be then he has some very dangerous attitudes towards women!

He's a grown man and having lost a pregnancy then been through a traumatic birth subsequently will not have had any effect on his understanding of consent. If those shared experiences have had an effect on his respect for his wife then he's a pretty awful human being.

You think he will get upset? Why would he get upset if he cared for you?

He's only get upset if this whole thing was all about him and he felt entitled to take sex without consent.