Supposed to be getting married in 10 days

[PixieMiss]

I thought after a number of shite years I had found some happiness but no, of course not.

He just punched me while our 6 month old was watching in his Baby Bjorn. I can't stop crying

Don't know why I'm posting. I just don't want to be alone.

[Topseyt]

Is your Mum under his spell? I can't believe he is now at her house while you and DS have gone home.

He is a manipulative toe-tag.

[soapydopeybubbles]

You are doing so well OP, keep on being as strong as you already have been.

Your life is worth more than any amount of money and nobody in their right mind would rather you married such a disgusting excuse for a man, just so they hadn't wasted money on a wedding outfit. Ignore anyone who tries to tell you that you should give him another chance, he absolutely does NOT deserve one.

When people ask why the wedding has been cancelled you only need three words, "He punched me". It does not reflect badly on you in any way and serves to tell the world what a piece of shit he is. He forfeited the right to any sort of privacy when he hit you.

[AyeAmarok]

Is your DS at your mum's, or your DP?

[Topseyt]

Good question, AyeAmarok. I had assumed OP meant she had DS with her, but maybe not.

I kind of hope so. To be honest, I am shocked that her DP turned up at her Mum's house and apparently stayed there while she left because her mum seems to be under his spell.

My own parents would have frozen a man out who had behaved in any such way, as would I with my own DDs. I just don't "get" a parent who doesn't. Maybe I am just naive though.

[ddrmum]

OP - please listen to the advice on here. My exh started being abusive the night before our overseas wedding & I foolishly went through with it . I was 6mth pregnant. All was OK for about 18mth the then everything I did with my DS was 'wrong'. He took him to his mums & refused to bring him back etc, using him to control me and then the abuse started in earnest. The police got involved & I deeply regret not pressing charges but a few years on & we are so happy in a violence-free home. He is a bitter asshole with another child he refuses to support. Make sure you report it, lock all the doors and leave the keys in but preferably go somewhere else if possible (don't let anyone know). If you are not safe, your child is not safe. Btw - all children roll off beds at some point xxx

[BadTasteFlump]

Sadly I'm not particularly surprised by the ops mother's response

It's not uncommon for close family to not be supportive unfortunately - some people, for all sorts of reasons (religion, shame, fear?) would rather turn a blind eye than face what's happening. I've seen it more times than I would have imagined, even amongst apparently 'close' families

But op please continue to stand your ground. Don't allow him back tomorrow. Call the Police and get the assault logged and tell them you need help to keep you and your baby safe. Remember that your mum's 'strange' attitude to it all doesn't change anything. It doesn't change the fact that he punched you in front of your baby. It doesn't change the fact that he has crossed a line that means you can't trust him anymore, with you or your baby.

Be strong, you will get through this, but you will make it much easier to deal with if you get the Police on board now.

[BadTasteFlump]

Sorry - also meant to say you don't need your mum's 'permission' to end your abusive relationship - or anybody else's.

Do it for you and your baby

[merville]

I think we all know the OP's partner didn't punch her because her ds rolled off the bed he punched her because he wanted to punch her. Could've been anything.
As someone else pointed out he thinks he has her trapped, baby and imminent marriage. She wouldn't/couldn't walk away from that.

I doubt there are no other issues in his behaviour.

Very strange indeed that Op's mum is putting him up for the night; the man who's assaulted her daughter. Why couldn't he have gone elsewhere?

I would've told him to go to a B&B, a park bench, wherever the fk he fancies in the circumstances (or better still a police cell). It smacks of "he's still family, it's just a domestic, it just needs to be worked out" ... makes me worry the OP will have her mum against her instead of with her in separating from him.

[PixieMiss]

My mum adores any guy that I'm with she is very much of the opinion that I should "put up and shut up" and be a nicey nicey cooking and cleaning wifey. I don't have a great relationship with her based on this attitude.

I have my DS with me and all the doors secure. It is my house anyway so I do have some security there.

I have drafted an email to send to as many guests as possible and a phonecall will do for rest tomorrow.

I won't get any of the deposits back or anything as it is such short notice on the venue and whatnot but it doesn't matter.

[Lynnm63]

OP I'm really sorry your Mum didn't tell him to take a running jump. Do you have your ds with you. Please don't go through with the wedding. He's shown you who he is, please believe him. He will do it again of that I have no doubt.
Please call the police and get the assault logged. Is there somewhere else you can go, a sympathetic friend? If not lock all doors and leave keys in an if he shows up call 999.

[Lynnm63]

X post. Log the assault if you haven't already.

[merville]

Pixie - holy cow, as if we don't have enough to deal with in life without 'mothers' like that .. 'mothers' because that's the opposite of how a mother should act. How sickening that she's having him stay in her house after what he's done. As I said if I had a daughter I'd be calling the police on him and tearing him a new one while waiting for them to come.

You're doing incredibly well, so sorry you're having to go through this.
Please keep posting.

[HerFaceIsaMapOfTheWorld]

This is awful op please dont stay with him, he will do this again and when you are married will be worse. Please listen to us here you do not deserve this treatment.

[SandyY2K]

So your mum thinks it's okay for him to punch you? Good heavens. One punch can be fatal.

Well done for contacting the guests. That money from the deposits is nothing compared to your safety.

[ShebaShimmyShake]

You're smarter than your mother and your life will be better for it. Forget the money, it's never too late to cut your losses, and anyway it's just shitbag tax. Cheap at twice the price to get a violent arsehole out of your life and not take 25 years with him.

[CodyKing]

That's really sad - I could not do that to my daughter - no violent man would be under my roof maybe the car

Do you think your mother embarrassed about calling the wedding off? Wants to save face?

Good luck I hope the other guests will be more sympathetic to your situation

[springydaffs]

I'm so sorry, Pixie

You've done the right thing - well done.

(btw my family adored my abusive husband. When I left him they took him in like a long lost brother/son; invited to all the family occasions while I was not. NC with them now. Sadly, abusive family/upbringing often means we follow on into abusive relationships. Do the Freedom Programme when you're straight. )

[Ineverpromisedyouarosegarden]

I am so sorry you are going through this.

Write it down now, how you are feeling and what he has done and said. Tomorrow you might not feel as strong.

My Dsis would give anything to be able to go back and get out at this stage before the child is exposed to too much violence.

[ooonatoffolo]

Oh, Pixie
I know if I called my Mum and told her H had hit me she would ask:
'what have you done to make him do that'
there is nothing you can do if that is her mind-set (not saying it is but honestly why is HE at her house not you and ds???)
But don't accept it as the 'only' way to look at it.
What he did was wrong and you know it and WE all know it too.

sorry your Mum isn't offering you the support you need right now but don't let it put you off course.
Stay strong.x

[AgedRelative]

I'm so glad you are trying to break away from this man. People make mistakes. What would happen when your precious DS makes a mistake, which he will. Children do. My DD left her homework folder at school today. Was I annoyed? Mildly (she is mega scatty). Did I punch her, threaten her, scare her? Of course not. What would your P do? I'm scared even imagining it.

[ohfourfoxache]

Oh Pixie

Take pictures of your bruises and please, for the love of all that's holy, please please call the police. Please. If you won't do it for you, do it for your ds. What happens if he lashes out at your son? Please, you must do everything you can to protect him

[Mumoftwoyoungkids]

Well done Op - you are being very brave.

Please do contact the police - in 1 year, 5 years, 10 years when you start to worry about your son spending time with him then you will want evidence that he is an abuser rather than "we broke up after an argument" that he will claim.

[tipsytrifle]

So sorry about your M's response to this situation by taking the abusive shit into her home for tlc. Since you're back home and the home is yours - how about first job tomorrow being to change the locks? And phone the police to report this event? Let him stay at M's (i can't call her DM now)

I'm immensely relieved that you see this relationship is over. Was worried you'd be talked around. M can't really be trusted but consider using her in the immediate necessity of getting/keeping this man away from you. What matters is now. The rest and the fallout consequences can be dealt with in due course.

When I asked in a challenging way of my dysfunctional mother, who genuinely hated me, if she thought the older guy I had fallen prey to wasn't good enough for me, she answered "not at all; it's more a case of you aren't good enough for him." He was an abusive twat and I was trapped with him for many years. Sometimes parents aren't who we'd like them to be.

But that's another day. Get out of this relationship, get the police involved, secure your home against him. And breathe.

[imwithspud]

Well done on getting out op. I am gobsmacked that your mother isn't supporting you in the way she should and that she has even let that POS stay with her! What on earth is she thinking?? I hope you have other family members or friends who can support you?

Cancel the wedding and don't worry about deposits, suits etc. In the grand scheme of things it's much better for you to be free of this man. Your guests will understand. As for baby falling off the bed, happens all the time! One of mine has fallen off the bed and both of them have had their fair share of tumbles off the sofa, it's just one of those things and is in no way a reflection on you as a parent.

Stay strong