Supposed to be getting married in 10 days

[PixieMiss]

I thought after a number of shite years I had found some happiness but no, of course not.

He just punched me while our 6 month old was watching in his Baby Bjorn. I can't stop crying

Don't know why I'm posting. I just don't want to be alone.

[BubblingRage]

I might be pointing out the obvious here but he's taken your son to control you. Don't let your son be used as a weapon.
If you don't do it for yourself, do it for your baby.
You now know exactly how violent he can react over something small.
What if you don't leave and he keeps taking your baby with him and your baby won't stop crying or he spills his juice or messes himself? How do you know he won't hit your son too?
I know you think up heaving your family will ruin your baby's upbringing but its so much better to be a single mother in a safe environment than constantly being on tenterhooks.
If you're worried about his reaction when you leave, leave when he's not there. Stay somewhere he wouldn't expect you to and turn your phone off for a couple of weeks.

Good luck and stay safe.

[WigelsPigels]

Mines has fallen off the bed. Just watched him for a couple of days.

Don't go back and DO NOT get married. Your safety is more important than any money lost.

[tipsytrifle]

Adding my voice to the consensus that as of now your relationship with this man must be over. You really really need police involvement asap. You've told DM what happened, right? Do NOT be drawn into returning home to "talk" about this. Ideally he would leave but this is unlikely without some persuasion from the law. Then phone women's aid as they can help you draw up a plan with solid info about "what to do" next. There will be plenty of practical advice on MN too.

Don't even think about the future atm, don't allow fear of being alone to take over. The emergency issue right now is getting rid of this violent man. I'm sorry this has happened, PixieMiss.

[PersianCatLady]

now who give a sod about hired suits? get out whilst you blinking well can
If you think about it logically it is ridiculous to sacrifice the rest of your life because you didn't want to waste money on unused suit hire.

[Nicnak2223]

I hope you are on phone to the police. Stay safe and stay strong. You are in the right.

Well done for leaving

[Liiinoo]

Well done!

Keep it up. Tell the police - at the very least they will have the complaint on record if another woman makes a similar report in 5 years time.

Don't be ashamed of this - you have done nothing wrong. People who love you will understand. You are being brave and protecting your son. He is a lucky boy to have you as a mum.

[EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard]

OP I'm a parent of grown daughters and there would be absolutely no embarrassment in cancelling an unsuitable wedding. I would far rather lose money than have them go into a violent marriage, or even a marriage they knew wasn't going to make them happy.

Your Grandmother has bought your wedding dress because she wants you to be happy. It's a gift, not an investment.

As others have said, get the wedding cancelled now, give people as much notice as you can and do have this assault logged with the police too.

[OlennasWimple]

I know it's easier said than done, but everyone would understand the wedding being cancelled if you told them that he punched you

[StVincent]

Don't do his job for him and try and persuade yourself that you're stuck with him and have to go back. What will he learn from that? That he's trapped you, even before the wedding.

In a way, horribly, he's done you a favour by doing this 10 days before the wedding rather than waiting til 10 days afterwards. You have no legal ties to this man other than your child. You can walk away and never go back if you don't need to. You've taken a great first step. A few quid on suit hire and venues is literally nothing compared to the cost of getting divorced. Let alone compared to the non-monetary value of your life, health and happiness. And that of your baby boy.

[AntiHop]

Thank goodness he showed you his true colours before the wedding day.

I think you should tell people the truth. Some people will tell you it was a one off and it was wrong to cancel the wedding. The people who care about you will support your decision. I spent my childhood being told that my father's violence should be kept a secret. Keeping that secret weighed heavily on me as a child.

[GeekLove]

You can afford to lose money more than you can afford to lose your life.
Keep this up and at some point this will be but a memory.

good luck

[galaxygirl45]

Well done OP, you've been hugely brave in getting out.... and don't be afraid to tell people why the wedding is off. The shame is his, not yours.

[MollyHopps]

Glad you are safe at your Mums OP and I hope you are feeling OK.

[PixieMiss]

He came to my DMs house and tried to talk me round. I stood strong though my mother hung off every bloody word

For the sake of my DS, I am back home tonight while he stays at my mothers.

I know I haven't updated much but I am truly grateful for all your support and I have read every single message

[Ginmakesitallok]

You poor thing. But, he's at your mum's? Wtf? Stay strong and stay safe. Do NOT marry this man.

[Onenerfwarfrombreakdown]

Has your mother modelled a submissive relationship dynamic to you growing up OP? Ie women must do anything to keep the peace/keep hold of "your man" even if it means putting up with bad/unloving/abusive behaviour? I'm just guessing here completely from the comment about hanging off his every word, but it's no secret we often find ourselves in relationships that mirror our parents dynamic that we saw as "normal" growing up.

I'd be careful about listening to her "advice" if so.

Apologies to your Mum if I've got this completely wrong

[MinnieF1]

You really do need to take this as an early warning sign for what's to come. I'm currently working with DV perpetrators and I'd be willing to bet my life savings he will do this to you again. Sorry, it's probably not what you'd like to hear but if you get out now you'll save yourself more heartache in years to come.

Have you contacted the police? My biggest regret is that I didn't press charges against my ex. If you contact them you can ask them to come and visit you to take statement and complete a DASH RIC. They will then be able to refer you to relevant agencies for support, and you may get legal aid if he or you begin family court proceedings.

You can also ask the police to carry out target hardening on your property if you are planning on staying there, as he will know where you are which puts you at risk, especially since leaving is the most dangerous time. If you are really fearful he will return then you could also ask them if they issues TECSOS phones (looks like a Samsung mobile but calls the police at the touch of a button, and they use the phone's GPS to send a patrol to you on grade one response. It also starts recording once the button has been pressed).

Good luck OP. You're not the first, and you're not alone. keep safe.

[MinnieF1]

Re the wedding, just cancel it. My friend got married in May to a man similar to the man your partner sounds like. They're already getting a divorce! She'd have been far better off not marrying him at all as now she has to go through the stress of divorcing a DV perpetrator.

[MinnieF1]

I didn't mean that comment to sound so blasé. I know it'll be hard to cancel the wedding. I meant you don't have to give people an explanation or justify your actions. Just do it and if they don't understand then that's their issue

[SocksRock]

Please don't go back! Your DS will be best protected by you staying with your Mum, with your DS and away from this man.

[magoria]

Any one who cares about you would rather lose the time or money than see you go through with a marriage to a man who will punch you whenever he wants to.

Please make sure you are safe and he cannot get in the house tonight.

If you feel strong enough call the police as soon as possible. It all helps if he starts being an arse with your DC to protect you and them.

[MakeMyWineADouble]

Explain to people what happened no one who cares about you will judge they all just want you and your ds safe and happy

[RunRabbitRunRabbit]

You aren't even considering calling the police are you? He punched you. Why are you afraid of calling the police? Will it make him angry? Will it stop you from choosing to have a wedding?

[galaxygirl45]

I'm a bit worried reading you've gone home for the sake of your DS - the best place for BOTH of you is well away from this man. Assuming he has keys, you are not safe and as I imagine he "offered" to let you go home so your DS was in his own bed, he's in control of the situation and not you. This isn't good, please get someone to stay with you and phone the police to report what has happened today.

[ChoccyJules]

If you must stay there, make sure there is a key in every lock so his can't work.
Really what you need to do is ring Women's Aid and ask if they have a safe place you can take DS to, tonight. Then ask them to help you contact the police and report his violence.