Since I got pregnant...

[Alisvolatpropiis]

I should probably name change for this but won't.

Since I got pregnant, with our tried for child my husband hasn't wanted to touch me sexually.

It happened much more quickly after we got married than we anticipated, child might as well be a honeymoon baby (we had been together some years before getting married).

My husband is 19 years older than me, I am 28. Since becoming pregnant/having the baby, our sex life has died a death. Not on my shout. I look almost exactly the same 15 months post birth as before, granted I have some stretch marks now.

We've been intimate maybe 5 times since the baby was born. Once this year. It isn't me, I want to. I miss it. I don't understand why he doesn't want me.

I almost left earlier this month but felt we could work at it. Lack of intimacy isn't the only issue but I think it is the one which will end it.

Because he cried in the staff room and told them I have been threatening to leave.

He is into full on emotional blackmail mode now. Do not buy into it. He is responsible for his wellbeing, not you. Find your anger, use it well.

He is such a manipulative twat.
Don't fall for it, OP. Be strong.

If he threatens suicide again, tell him you would be sorry for your children if that happened, but if he feels he has no other way forward, then you fully understand why and although you don't condone suicide, you do support his right to decide to kill himself.

If he threatens suicide again tell him you will be calling an ambulance or the Mental Health Team.

Actually if he does threaded to kill himself again, I wouold do what I would do for someone I really care about. I would call the Police.

Then let him explain to them that actually no he is fine and he is just enjoying a good night out with his family....
And I wouldn't tell him either. Because if he was someone who was really unwell, you would do it wether you had warned them about it or not wouldn't you?

And he is manipulating you again, doing everything to make you feel bad and guilty for not doing what he wants. How dare you wanting to take your own decisions that don't involve him!

Don't fall into that.

Yes people threatening suicide can be a manipulative thing, it's only a genuine cry for help if they are displaying other signs of severe depression, which he most definitely isn't.

As Mammouth said, if he really wanted to commit suicide, he would do it without telling anyone.

This talk board has heard it all before. It's as if there's a handbook called Dummies Guide for Manipulative Partners, p101 "Up the ante if your partner threatens to leave in a last ditch attempt to retain control"
He needs to make you feel shit to keep the upper hand in the relationship. Sending strength - don't fall for it.

Last time my DH and I were seriously not getting on, he said that if we split up, he would move back to the US and would never see the DDs again. (complete with sad face). I pointed out that moving back to the US would be his choice, nothing to do with me.

He shut up about it.

Fortunately he has done a lot of work since, has had counselling and things are much better, but he did need to learn that emotional blackmail was not going to get him anywhere.

He's been signed off work for a period of time. Not with depression.

He has been telling his colleagues that he thinks I have PND. There is no shame in having PND...but I am not suffering with it.

He keeps saying that I have broken our marriage vows, crushed him by saying we could try and then changing my mind, twice. Subjected him to emotional battery over the last 2 months. Perhaps I have, certainly I have been angry and resentful.

alis please stop thinking he may be right. You have done nothing wrong. He is a manipulative emotionally abusive piece of work and these are the games he plays. Get rid, get rid, get rid.

Well I have done some things wrong. The night before my birthday (that was fun), I got drunk, came home and shouted at him. A lot. Completely lost my rag. Frightened myself how angry I actually was. I haven't drunk since then.

Our child wasn't at home at the time.

OK, that isn't great. But that incident didn't come out of nowhere, did it? You have been trying for how long to be perfect for him and give him what he needs, only to be rejected every time. You are human and fallible and the booze let the rage out. Compared to his emotional abuse of you, it really doesn't measure up. If anyone has broken vows, it's him. Has he loved and cherished you? Hardly.

No, it was very poor of me. I was just so frustrated in that moment, that he had ignored what I was saying for months, that he had insisted on coming along and then made it abundantly clear to my friends that all was not well, before leaving quite suddenly, on the night itself.

You're allowed to feel remorse at the things you did that weren't right - but is he feeling any remorse about the way he is treating you? It doesn't sound like it. It sounds as if he is in full 'it's all your fault' mode. When someone has this little insight into the problem, there's not a lot of hope for the relationship. Meanwhile you are suffering the consequences every day. You deserve better. I remember you from many MN threads - you have always been rational, sensible, reasonable with a lovely dry sense of humour that's just shone through. This man is making you doubt yourself as a person and that is bad news. I think you need to go back to your family and tell them that you had a moment of doubt, but now you are definitely leaving. I would be willing to bet that your mood will improve, you will start seeing clear again, you will be you again. This man is sucking the life out of you.

Stop listening to him!
Stop blaming yourself!

You're allowed to get angry with him. He behaves like a fucking twat. Christ, I get angry with my DH for a lot less.

You really need to stop focusing on what he's saying, to you and to his colleagues (who gives a shit really, it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things) and START FOCUSING ON YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN.

You need to get support and get the fuck out. I'm going to keep saying it until you do.

Child, sorry, not children. Got confused with another thread.

I have spoken to my mum, said I panicked and made the wrong decision. He knows I'm leaving now.

Though not right now, but imminently.

Well done. Take your time, plan your getaway and don't fall for the drama llama hysterics you are bound to get.

I'm really struggling with the idea that by leaving, I won't see my child every day.

I don't really think I will ever meet anybody else who will put up with me, I'm not that easy a person to live with.

Well I will take the baby with me but in all honesty there is no reason for me to restrict his contact. I have no issue with his ability to parent. Our relationship is unhealthy but that is separate from his relationship with our child.

I'm still not really beyond the point of wishing it would work. I can practically hear the collective eye roll at that.