Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Mrsfluff, relax and enjoy … ya wee minx!

Pringlecat.
The short of it is, he didn't want kids however, he works as a teacher does after school clubs and dates women with kids. Also when I talked about Children early on it was in the future thing.
Every part of me is urging me to go to his house and tell talk to him. I've felt this way for a month now and it doesn't seem to be going.

Should a drop a card in his letter box explaining how I feel? Or a letter? Or just a txt saying happy birthday?
I know I am really going to regret not doing something.

It will be his 40th and he didn't want to mark it.

Thank you Dieu. This feels so unlike me, I'm slightly shocked! I think after a 20 year relationship coming to such a sudden end, that perhaps I just need some fun

Go MrsFluff! You are very cool - I'm glad you're enjoying it.

I had my best pof chat yesterday:

Weirdo: crabs wave their large wanking arms to get female attention, maybe we're not too dissimilar

Me: Well done, that's the oddest least appealling message I've ever had.

Weirdo: Do you want to make love?

Me: Not in the slighest, must be all the talk of crabs.

I know I should have blocked, but sometimes the sleaze is very amusing.

Evil - I think you need to move on - he knows where you are. Ignore his birthday - have fun and move on. He's a headfuck. Why would you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who doesn't know what he wants? (I've just come out of a 8 year relationship, where I waited for him to make his mind up about what he wanted to be when he grew up. Very tedious indeed)

evil I'm going to play devils advocate here and say you need to get this out of your system and a final answer so I'd text message a simple happy birthday or drop a card in. Nothing OTT, no message but mark the occasion just to remind him you still CEO and are there on the outskirts if he's thinking of you too. If he wants to make contact and has been thinking of you too this is his in. If he isn't interested still then you won't hear anything. And remember no message IS a message so that will tell you all you need to know.

mrs fluff go for it! Fun is what its all about, God knows there is enough crap times and let downs in OLD so enjoy the bits you can!

So I appear to have been taken in by the age old trick of being reeled in by promises of a man looking for a girlfriend, wanting a relation blah blah who actually just wanted a shag.
He said in his profile he was looking for a GF and all our messages had been talking about stuff along that vein. Just things like I'll show you xyz at my work or oh when I cook for you etc. So never oh I'm after a hook up. Why don't they just bloody say if they are wanting to have sex then disappear? I'm sure there are still women who would be happy with that, but don't friggin lie about your intentions? We had really good dates, loads of messaging and cuteness inbetween, then after sex Saturday night (which was great btw oh what a surprise I don't hear from him yesterday. Oh he sent a lame message saying he was having a lazy day, but never replied to my last and no goodnight or good morning as was usual. So he's obviously going to ghost me...which is really not the vibe I had been getting from him but it happens. So anyone got any tips or advice on what you would do please? Shall I just leave it and walk away, chalk it up to experience or would you say something? Because I'm very tempted to rip him over message this evening saying maybe if he's just after a shag and was looking for hooks ups all along maybe change his profile to something more honest and cut the bullshit because it's not polite to string people along and be a dick after WWYD?

Evilwater Having differing opinions on children is a deal breaker. If he doesn't want them, you shouldn't try to see signs that aren't there - it's possible to work with kids and not want them. (In fact, sometimes it's the working with kids that drives the decision!)

If you don't think you'll change your mind, probably best to walk away, no matter how much it hurts. :(

Who's read WMLB and what are your thoughts?

I love the book, but how long are you supposed to 'let him to the chasing', indefinitely? It's difficult to act cool and disconnected when you're naturally a touchy-feeling person.

Blimey ladies, haven't you all been busy?

Just catching up ...

Evil - don't send him a card or a bday message. If he doesn't reply, you'll feel like crap won't you? Totally up to you but he's the one that saw you and walked the other way right? Ignore ignore ignore
Myuser - this is still Mr Shy? Glad it's going well still ... I am definitely taking credit for this Telling you to stick with him was the right move
Mrsfluff - as you've probs seen, my Toyboy is 8 years younger. 4th date last night, he finally made a move I actually like him eek
Louisa - glad you had fun on the sofa with Mr Geordie and very glad to hear your uncle didnt walk in on you both

So when myuser said this - I have gone for personality. He's not ugly it's just not what I usually would go 'wow' over. - I think this is the right way to go. Seems as long as you get on, and they're relatively attractive, they end up being hotter the more time you spend together (helps if they're lovely aswell I guess)

Evil I have total sympathy with you. I ended a thing I was really liking, because I had concerns about where it could go nowhere
I drove myself absolutely nuts for weeks, and couldn't seem to let go of it despite my very best efforts. We should have had a conversation, but we didn't.
In the end, I sent him a card (to his office) because I'd deleted his number and didn't know his home address. He messaged me the next day. We met the day after that... (his suggestion). I didn't make it home that night. So I guess we are seeing each other and yes there's probably a heap of pain down the road for me, but he was too good to pass up. And it wasn't just the sex, it was the connection.
I'm just kinda hoping I get sick of him before he gets sick of me!! Great policy, no?
not in the slightest bit helpful

Up- I'm pretty much in your situation. How is this;
"Happy 40 birthday.
I'll be having a slice of cake in costa in your honour"

Evil it took me days (DAYS) to figure out the wording I put in the card. overthinking much? me?? no no no
When I wrote, I invited him out for a drink. So it was a yes or a no situation.
Telling him you're having cake says yes you're thinking about him but there's nowhere for it to go ifywim
I'd be thinking along those lines. If you're striking out, you may as well ask for what you want. I've since asked my Highly Unsuitable to go away for a weekend. He's said yes. Don't ask, don't get.

up - how about this?
"Happy birthday,
I'll be in costa on z street, if you want a free slice of cake at 12:30.
No strings attached.

Baklava - I couldn't have resisted that either!

Evil - only you know which way to jump here. If it was me I'd give it one shot.

Hey does nobody ever respond to my posts on here?

He's not going to say he wants sex because that isn't a very good 'hook' to reel women in

It's a massive red flag when people behave like you are an instant girlfriend and bang on about plans. Normal relationships just kind of flow naturally without all these promises

And I wouldn't say anything - just block and move on

And learn how to spot a player!

Go MrsFluff!!

Last that sucks, as you say if that was his intention all along then why not be upfront? If you've not heard from him by tomorrow call him on it. I like to think I would but probably wouldn't

Evil doesn't that run the risk of you sitting there alone, wondering whether he's coming? And maybe having to leave alone if he doesn't? Not saying don't ask but I'd need to know if we'd be meeting or not

Thanks myuser I will try but 'it's hard to spot the signs because some of these men are pretty good at it! Still onwards and upwards. Hopefully!

I wouldn't run with that Evil for the reason Forme gave. You need to state your invitation, but he has to come back then. Also, he might be busy at any kind of specified time...

Sorry Last! I'd just block, delete and ignore in that situation. I wouldn't give him the satifisfaction of knowing he'd upset me. Sorry this one wasn't a flyer.

forme the odd thing is since this morning he has messaged but just a hi type thing. It's odd that he's still talking to me because hes dropped all the affection and cute stuff but still messaging. Maybe he's trying to be polite and slow fade rather than outright ghost after. I replied and was chatty and casual, just because I'm curious to see what he's going to do next!

It's hard to tell without asking him, but he might give you a load of flannel.
I would feel a bit insulted about having sex with someone then things being a bit flat, and I'm sure genuine men would feel the same.
Maybe he isn't just looking for a shag but he's a terrible communicator and one of those ones who is all 'in the moment' then gets distracted

Last nicknamefree

Yes GUILTY i have been that person who dropped the cute stuff and still messaged HI when infact I didn't want to see that person again. It was guilt on my behalf as I felt bad I was dropping him and didn't want to hurt him. Basically I wanted him to dump
Me by saying "your so distant lately" or "I'm not getting a good feeling about us" and then finish it with me. Sometimes it's easy to finish or let people down but with some role who are really nice and just not 100% your type it's harder. So it's a kind of slow let down in my opinion. If they were up for it then it would still be full on..I never chase anyone now who gives those signals...chasing is always going to end in sadness because if u have to chase they are not worth it