Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

I know! What's the catch!! Not good to think this way though!

Mr Geordie does have a 11 year old son and I don't have any kids.
Weekends he has his son so at the moment I can only see him weekdays ..he finishes work at 5 like me but I live 40 mins away.
He gets over for 7 then has to leave about 9-10 as he gets up for work at 6

DJB I agree wholeheartedly with this. I've been OLD a year now and have also noticed that you don't get to know the real person until around the 2 month mark. Up until then anyone can put on the best of themselves but as you say they can't keep it up forever. Twice this year I've met men online and dated them for 4 months and 5 months. All was rosey for a while then suddenly once they started showing who they actually were and a bit more of their personality it was apparent they were not for me..

I think we all get carried away with wanting it to work so much and ignore some things as it's all lovely and new and then after a while when you haven't got your love goggles on you start to dissect it for what it really is and come down to earth with a crash! Shame but as long as we realise this and move on that's good! There's got to be someone perfect out there right? Lol

Had my date today and no chemistry or fun and he took me to cheapest place ever. I wouldn't have minded paying for more, but it all got awkward. I kept thinking about ex (exBF of 3 mths). I wished I was with him. Afterwards he messaged to say he would like to see me again, but it really didn't feel right to me.

Off to look at OLD again...

I'm having real trouble at the moment, I'm still not over mr non commitment. It's his best birthday on Wednesday and I'm child free on Tuesday. Now it's been officially a month. I miss him like crazy and I still feel the same as I did a month ago.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Should I wish him a happy birthday? Send him a birthday card?

I've just bitten the bullet and signed up for POF. Already had a message from someone who sounds lovely, actually, but just isn't my type physically. Do you normally message back or ignore? Thinking about it, I've always fallen for someone's personality above their looks IRL so I wonder if it's worth messaging people who seem to have a lot in common with me and seeing if there's any spark emotionally - or is that just time-wasting?

One hour in and I'm finding OLD hideously complicated already...

Evilwater Haven't been following your backstory, new to the thread - who ended things and why?

I use to go for looks and then found personality was more important. But I went out with a guy who had a lovely heart but I honestly just couldn't fancy him and that made intimate times hard! Even kissing him was a struggle so I ended it as I needed a physical attraction as well..trying to settle for 2nd best but need the whole
Package!

I have gone for personality. He's not ugly it's just not what I usually would go 'wow' over. He's great. Don't rule him out completely - give him a go.
Some people are not photogenic.
For instance my current date has dimples which you can't see in a photo and I liiiiiike

I'd put personality first, a funny man can make up for a bit of extra weight or lack of hair or most things for me.

DJB1968Bar, Myusernameismyusername Oh, I'm not talking about hit with the ugly stick - I'm talking about guys who just aren't my type. There's one in particular who I'm sure other women would find cute who doesn't do anything for me, yet has written a message that required actually reading my profile. I fear that OLD is going to turn me into a bitch. I can feel myself becoming more judgemental already.

Ugh, and the one who is very hot indeed has zero in common with me. I feel he would irritate me within two hours. Lilacpink40, I think I'm going to be brave and write back to the ones who seem more interesting personality-wise. See what happens!

Yeah if it's totally no go area the next don't do it!

I would be happy with going for personality, but there's got to be something physical there or I don't even get off the starting blocks.

I think I might try Tinder as clearly I'm quite shallow - can someone give me a quick lesson in how it works please?

Tess tinder seems to pull data from Facebook. I started to create a profile, then hid it as could see data (photos) copied. It put me off. Also it is based on looks, but I think it's good to keep options open so may use it if posters here say the data pull thing is ok.

TessMcNess I know a few people who use Tinder. I think you basically have to swipe one way if you think they're pretty, the other way if you don't fancy them. If you both swipe to say you fancy each other, you can then start messaging each other. I know one guy who uses Tinder to line up dates, but the rest all use it for ONS. If you do download it, I think you should bear that in mind - if you're just looking for a quick shag, it's perfect, if not, tread carefully...

Thanks lilac and pringle - I guess I could set up a second Facebook profile with just pictures of me and not the DC? Or the cat/dog/tortoise/Christmas tree/bedroom decorated circa 1970.

Not in it for ONS, thanks for the warning lilac - I'm just so fed up with the blurry cycling/skiing photos coupled with the bitter diatribe on what they don't want in a woman I fancy being a little shallow for a change.

Can anyone who views you on Tinder actually look at your Facebook account, or is it just the photos they can see?

No it's just photos they can see..what I did notice is when you start speaking to people on tinder then on Facebook they pop up in your people you might know section.

Myusernameismyusername----

Yes I agree it's the not so attractive guys that usually do all the right things! But would you look at them twice if out? In ye old days that's how we met our partners by physical attraction...THERE ISNT ANYTHING WRING WITH THAT STILL lol people think it's shallow but that's how we use to meet people! We didn't write to each other first..we have to go by looks as that just natural so your not turning into a Dating Bitch just normal honey x

No if he tried to talk to me when out I am not sure I would have talked to him because he's not massively confident so I think OLD has given him some props and info to approach me before hand and that's in a way better cos guess what? All the guys who do chat me up IRL are twats

Oh for... I've just exchanged messages with someone who seems lovely and cute but doesn't live anywhere near me. Damn you, OLD!

I bit the bullet with Tinder and have just said 'nope' to literally hundreds of men.

The only one I said yes to was by mistake because I was zooming in on the photo to see if I recognised someone in the background.

Now toothless Joe who appears to live in a rowing boat has messaged me telling me he's 'horney' sic.

I am going to hell! I seem to have turned into an over sexed vixen!?!

I exchanged lovely messages with Mr Gosport today............boy can that man write!! Non of the crap ' which hole would you like this in'. So, so, so looking forward to meeting him on Friday.

Then My Young started messaging yesterday. He's 31, to my 39. He's funny, but incredibly straight talking about sex! We've messaged lots all weekend and then this evening he asked to meet for a drink. Well, he was great fun! Shared taste in music/tv. He was slow incredibly straight talking about sex in person! Well, I rather liked that!?! I can confirm he has the softest lips ever and kisses like a dream. We may have steamed up my car windows with some heavy petting. We're planning to meet again, let's face it, that's gonna be moose burgers!!

Not sure where this ramble is leading, just needed to brain dump, sorry! I'm so not body confident and yet I'm floozing away and actually having fun. But I feel a bit guilty/naughty?

Sorry Tess, but that last post has got me pissing myself with laughter!! Please let us know how your first date with Joe goes