Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

myusername

Started being a dick and not replying to texts, spoke to me in person like shit.
Turns out that he wasn't as separated from his ex as he had been when we got together.

I discovered that the reason he hadn't replied to my texts that week was because he was on holiday with her.

Thank you for the good luck !

Hello My first dating post, go easy on me Went out with a guy this week, first date in many years... Set up by a mutual friend who described him as 'a real geek, totally honourable, heart of gold'. The evening was fun. We have lots in common professionally & the conversation/laughs were continuous. However, he is definitely a bit geeky/socially awkward. . I found him fascinating in many waysbut sophisticated he 'aint! Barged thru a door on way out of restaurant & let it bang me in the face. Mr Bean stylieTalk to me about this type of man

Yikes Pip, I like a bit of a gent, so for me a lack of manners would be a big no-no! That's just me though.

Thanks Dieu, me too. I have fallen for some really bad apples with perfect manners. Door opening, chair pulling, taking the road side when walking. All that stuff does it for me But isn't that stuff possible to brush up on? We have loads in common & I really admire him... If only he had held open the bloody door! I'd be a goner

Didn't you say anything when the door banged you on the face though? Maybe he'd have been mortified, if he realised
Oh, and good point about wrong 'uns with perfect manners. I guess in a way these things are easy to fake. Unlike a sense of humour or personality. And it did sound like you got on great!

He strode off into the distance oblivious to the door bang. I have always gone for the well mannered unavailable Alpha male. But here we have a geeky, honourable, available guy with a great future. I should get over the Hyacinth Bouquet stuff, right?

Oh top, v v lucky escape
pippp I like the sound of him
I'd rather that than the one who pretends to be perfect... hopefully he's coachable

I have a horrible track history of going for the Unavailables (not marrieds! just not wanting what I want).
I wish I could just have fun with it all and not overthink the hell out of everything!
I was having a lovely thing earlier in the summer - but the usual - started to fall for him, panicked - ended it, have regretted it ever since. And have met only knobbish types since boo hoo!!

Well this is interesting!... I don't know if anyone remembers IndieBoy? We dated for about 6 weeks in May-ish. He was, in the words of Amy Young ' great guy, crappy boyfriend'. Well, we've stayed in touch and are proper friends now. In th last week , we've been chatting a lot, mainly about a camper van he's buying, and the fact that neither of us can bear the dating scene (Bear with me, this is long!)
Well, he seems to be pretty interested in a date I've got tonight ( I'm not overly keen, but giving the guy a chance!) and has now suggested we go out for beers on Saturday (as friends )
I have NFI what all this means if anything, but he has definitely stepped up the chat since he knew I was meh about the whole dating scene... Hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmm wondering if he's seeing you as a ' fallback girl' ( a term coined by Natalie on the Baggage Reclaim website. Just be a bit wary...

And think about what YOU want from this.

Yeah that was my thinking too tbh. I'm happy with friends tbh and I know I won't get sucked back in - as far as I'm concerned he's a mate I have coffee with and occasionally get pissed with...

So I deleted match after 1 day so am now only on tinder. Are any of you on multiple sites or is it better just to stick to one? Really not sure it's for me - they all seem so OLD (I'm 49 but definitely not old!)

Grrrr. Think I've been ghosted. Had first date arranged tomorrow lunchtime with Mr Banker. Started messaging over the weekend and he suggested meeting up very quickly. Thought that was fine and avoided getting too invested. Had planned for Friday but he changed it to tomorrow due to work and was very apologetic. Heard no more but wasn't too worried - thought we might as well save chat for the date. Hadn't heard anything by lunchtime today so sent a quick message to see if he still wanted to meet tomorrow. Can see he's read the message and has been on the GSM site today but hasn't bothered to reply! It's just rude. I'm not upset, just irritated as have kept that time free and could have arranged something else.

Claw been ghosted is so annoying, it's rude and bad mannered. It winds me up that they think we have nothing better to do than give our free time away so easily!

Hue I'm only on tinder as I like they can only message if you match. I'l sometimes go on Pof but the weirdos put me off but they can be lurking anywhere.

Sky it would be interesting to see what it is he wants. I'd put money on FWB but as long as it's on your terms there's nothing wrong with a friendship.

Destiny posh is another bullet dodged. Who even does that! Relationship since Sunday. Yeah right!

Well I went against my gut and your advice and toyed with the hunk a bit more. Turns out I and you all were right. Control freak jealous weirdo! The final straw came when I didn't answer his text within the hour and he had a go at me, I was putting my dd to bed and he knew it was the time of night that bedtime routine goes down. I explained this and he called me a liar. I'v now blocked and deleted his number and his work one too. Hoping its the last I hear from him.
Lesson learnt Gut is always right and no one is that fit you are willing to put up with that crap! Lucky escape!!!
NEXT

Clawdeen, that's a shame. However, I can go one better!
My Match profile pics are quite flattering and glam. Well, you're not going to post one of yourself looking a total riot.
So, a chap that I've seen around locally 'favourited' me. I favourited him back, as I had seen him (in RL!) around a couple of times, and thought him fairly attractive. He wouldn't have spotted me though, as it was always from a distance.
So today, I went on the school run (but looked nice, not my usual state of a self on the school run) and bumped into him. I made eye contact, and our dogs sort of sniffed each other, but he didn't look at me or say hello.
And I have just noticed that he has REMOVED me from his favourites!!
I mean how the fuck is one not supposed to take that personally?! He could have waited a day or so, rather than do it on the very day he'd seen me in the flesh
What a socially inept twunt, right?

Sounds like more than a socially inept twunt to me! (Sorry to jump in!)

I'm new to all this & it sounds like there are some TOTAL DICKS out there! I have to admit that I've just ignored a few appalling conversation starters & consistently dull questions. Should I be responding to everyone with a 'no thanks' or can I just ignore? What is the etiquette?

I just ignore. Found if I 'no thanks' they can get a bit nasty. Best not engage in conversation with them if your not interested.

dieu that is awful! I'm sorry. And annoying you're likely to keep bumping into him. He really has no social skills/manners.

minop wow, that is creepy. Thank goodness you've binned him, I imagine he'd only get more controlling.

Where are the decent single men?! Are there any?

Hi, another new OLD dater here, have been following this thread with interest for a few weeks.
Upyer I could have written your post, it described my situation to a tee (recently out of a long sexless marriage, not dated in over 20 yrs) including the Mr Unavailable (though not married!) met through a "niche" site who it turns out is much better at "no strings" than I am.
So, I am only on POF, had a few chats go weird but on the whole been chatting to seemingly "normal" guys. The thing I'm finding tricky is getting past small talk without getting straight into "let's meet". One guy said our chat felt like a job interview I'd asked so many questions , but I was only trying to find out a bit more about him!
Similarly Tex I have just deleted a few messages when the profile doesn't appeal, it feels rude but I just don't want to enter into a "conversation" when I would never had messaged them.
Sorry for the long post, it's all new and more than a bit of a mindfuck. I'm probably not ready...

Thanks Claw and Tex. I have now unfavourited him, even though it would have been way cooler to pretend like I hadn't noticed. Love how online dating is bringing out my really mature side

If it helps anyone, I sort of made up a wee message for those I'm not interested in. I don't like to ignore completely (unless a creep), and I think it's a pretty tough gig for most guys. I'm convinced that there are way more females than males, certainly on Match anyway.
"Hi. Thanks for your message. Unfortunately I'm not interested; this is nothing personal, but just where I'm at right now. Sorry. I just wouldn't want to mess you around or waste your time. Anyway, I wish you all the best with the online dating scene and hope you meet someone lovely very soon".
I haven't once had any nastiness come from this, and in fact have had guys come back to say thanks for acknowledging them, and all the best to me too!

Can I join you? After being single for four years and having learnt how to love myself I started to dip my toe in tinder.
I have been chatting to a guy we have briefly spoken on the phone, but mainly texts. He seems to be saying the right stuff like 'start as friends and build the trust'. So I think we progressing to meeting probably this weekend as I am child free and he is in the country at the moment ( his job means he travels every other weekend).
I haven't told anyone in RL, but will tell someone where I am going etc.

Morning Lonecatwithkitten Make sure you tell someone definitely although I never do either as expectations are then too high and I feel the pressure

Dieu - what an absolute douche ... that's really mean. I also have no idea what kind of photo's we're supposed to post. Of course, the one's I have are of me on nights out, full face of make up ... hair done etc In real life I don't do that every day, I'd look like a nutcase turning up at work like that Are we supposed to put up no make up selfies on these OLD sites?

So I've been ghosted by Tall Guy ... so predictable. I think I've become so immune to that now that it doesn't even bother me

Onto the next one

From the male side;
I've been on POF and Tinder, I've just come off both as I'm seeing someone who I'm keen on, and want to give it a real chance. I've dated women from both over the past few years, while not in a relationship. Met a few women, only one of whom was a bit weird; the rest have been perfectly nice, but not for me. It's a horrible sinking feeling when you realise that, and when you realise it's time to move on and try again. Whilst dating can be fun, it's easy to think that there'll be no end to it. It can be easy to think that you'll be on those bloody sites forever.