Trying to find our soul-mate. It's dating thread 108

[PrizeyPrize]

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Read Why Men Love Bitches (aka WMLB), and take from it what you will. 12. Don't serve up moose burgers on the first date (although this is still in debate right now) 13. Matthew Hussey also very useful. And very easy on the eye even if you don't find him any good. 14. IF THEY SAY THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP, THEY DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP

Some bad quality to show

Ah Louisa he sounds nice, glad there were no awkward uncle related moments!

You need to block and ignore him tess. He doesn't sound nice at all. You are the prize!

Hi again! evil thanks for asking after me a few pages back I've popped in to catch up and update too...
Your mr no commitment sounds like he really got to you, we are all shocking at over investing and despite the rules I personally never seem to learn! But I don't beat myself up over it, I'd rather be open to love, brave enough to keep trying even after hurt and confusion than become bitter and grow old alone rather than keep getting back on the wagon full of (too much) hope!

So my own dating update, not that anyone is likely to remember me or be interested is thus...

Met this copper on tinder, he was local and hot. Had reservations because he's never married or had kids and also seemed to be a little odd on the sex front as unusually he said he has 5+ date rule because he likes to get to know someone which made me wonder what he was hiding actually! We did have 5 dates but he turned really weird after and we fell out so that was that..I wonder if he self sabotaged so he didn't have to have sex! Odd but whatever I feel like I dodged a bullet there..
So I met another guy for a first date Tuesday. He was my other iron, someone I kept on the subs bench just incase. We chatted every day or 2 and I admit to not being overly interested but not putting my eggs in one basket kept chatting. The date was unexpectedly great. Unusually I had no initial spark, when I first saw him I thought, ohh I don't fancy you at all but as the date went on it changed because he was funny and great company. We snogged loads at the end and have a second date tonight. The only issue is distance. We live an hour and a half away and this plus the fact we are both lone parents to children who are with us 24/7 means it's going to be very difficult or even impossible to take it into a proper relationship. But meh only 2nd date so I need to chill the fuck out and get off the over invested bench...

What percentage of POF do you reckon are piss-takers?

Is it honestly weird these days to not have sex in the first 5 dates? No wonder I'm getting nowhere with online dating! Isn't it just a case of different strokes for different folks?

I wouldn't be surprised if 80% of POF men aren't genuine.

I have a date planned for tomorrow with a man who ticks my boxes on paper, but not my usual physical type. None of the other profiles get near to his on OKCupid, POF or Match. It's not hard I'm just looking for genuine, likes his own kids, friendly, some sense of humour, can pay his own way and no smut. It's the last one that seems to be hardest for online men!

Agreed re the smut.

I like the 5 date rule. Mine is currently >3.

Dieu I don't think it's unusual to have sex on date 1 or date x. I think that's probably the majority of women's perspective, as it has to 'feel' right. I want some physical interest by date 5, but not necessarily sex. I'm not sure about the majority of men though...testosterone drive may take over from other thoughts?

Lastnick- I'm really with you on that! I'd rather be OI and open to the possibilities, than closed down and remain alone. I want companion ship, fun, interesting conversation and sex and I'm sure I'll have them all...............hopefully in one person

The copper sounds odd!!

Dieu - I had sex on date 3, but dates 2 and three happened on the same day. I think all the chatting meant I felt I knew him, like we'd already met - does that make sense? Also, it was MONTHS since I'd last had sex and it was a real boost to my confidence

MrsFluff I'll admit I'd be more likely to have moose burgers earlier if in the right sex starved state of mind too. I would then have to think this may just end as no real commitment, but see it as fun. I still wouldn't like to be completely ghosted though.

Dieu sounds like you've met men that maybe just after sex, so could say lucky miss?

Maybe just a bit of projection going on from me, regarding the sex thing. I am absolutely gagging for it, but have only ever done it with the father of my children. I think the dad of your kids can be a lot more forgiving when it comes to weight and flaws! Don't get me wrong, I'm an attractive woman. But I am overweight and it is affecting my body confidence. I am shitting myself at the thought of baring all to someone else. I'm also nervous that I'm not as ahem tight down below as I was. Too much information?

Remember that there can be a reason for people to hold back a bit. There's nowt wrong with me physically exactly, it's just that lack of confidence or recent experience can make men or women lose their nerve a bit.

Think I should just grab a random off the street, do the deed, get it over with!!!

Dieu - I completely get you! I'd been with my ex for 20 years and I'm a good few stone overweight. I was terrified thinking about being naked with someone else. I was also worried about downstairs However I was so horny and felt so comfortable with the bloke I slept with, that I hardly gave those things a 2nd thought. He seemed very happy with what he saw

Dieu I agree with you, sorry if I came over as insensitive and I realise a man not wanting sex after at least 5 date should be treated with the same view as a women, i just found it really unusual. I'm pretty sure he had confidence issues over his manhood. He mentioned the subject of small dicks all the time and even brought it up on our first date. It was said so many times in a few ways that I feel he was possibly trying to tell me something or gauge my reaction! It wasn't the lack of sex that pissed me off about him and stopped me dating him, but the way he got quite shitty after date 5 as if to self sabotage. He was really childish and petulant

Am scared about the mooseburgers by date 5 thing!

Am an abuse survivour, it takes a while for me to be comfortable with men. Maybe OLD is not for me...?

So far have met 3 men, and got as far as kissing one on the cheek. Is this why I never make it to date 4?

Lol, sounds like he was dropping some heavy small dick hints lastnicknamefree. He definitely sounds a bit inadequate!

Thanks Mrsfluff. That makes me feel better

Can I ask you lot how you manage to get out on dates ?
I'm fully kidded up at the minute because of Twatty Ex issues, and I'm reluctant to spend ££ on sitters for first dates. It just seems impossible to be able to date or have a relationship at all

Ah I'm sorry skyrabbit. I've only been on 5 dates, I arrange them for when my daughter is with her dad which doesn't help you. I'm friends with another mum who has no family, like me, and we've made a pact to help each other out so we can go on dates.

Dieu I could have written your post. You are so not alone in this at all. I'm swing from gagging for it to "omg I'can't possibly have sex because of my wobbly tummy and erm yes not as it used to be before having DD". So it's been 15 months and counting with no sex. I don't think I can do a one nighter or even sleep with someone on the first date.....so I'm doomed I tell you doomed . I'm hoping I manage to do the deed by my birthday next year, it's a big birthday too.

Another one here in the same boat about revealing all to someone new! I've been staggered by my returning libido after too many years in a sexless marriage and it led me to take a few risks I wouldn't normally dream of but like Mrsfluff it did my confidence the world of good. It is wasn't a one night stand and he was a nice guy but it was clear what we were meeting for from the off so that kind of removed the nerves.

Serving moose burgers to someone after a few dates and getting to know them a bit will be much more nerve wracking I'm sure

Oh, and I have a date tonight! We chatted briefly last month but it kind of faded out, not sure why. We picked up again last night and I'm meeting him at 8pm don't know much about him, am worried it might be a bit rushed

Thanks for the kind words folks - so glad to know I'm not the only one feeling this way. Good luck to all x

Oh Baklava, I'm so sorry to hear that and can understand that you want to take your time x Anyone worthy of you will be happy to go at your pace - if not, they aren't right for you.

I'm with you there Forme - I really like Mr Gosport and I think I'll be a lot more nervous going on dates with him Good luck tonight.

This is why I love this thread Dieu, it gives me the chance to talk to people in the same boat - I don't have that in real life, as none of my close friends have done OLD.

Thanks for your words, I know what I need to do. Didn't pick up on the booty call text an hour ago, and now see he's changed his profile on POF so that speaks volumes. Daresay I'll find it hard not to go rushing back, but purely because there is absolutely no interest in me from anyone remotely decent looking on POF.

I'm not confident about my body at all, even less since the guy above called me plump. Trying to get fit and dieting but can't see it happening.

Envious of your irons, wish I could find a few!

Looked at Match with my mate earlier, which seems to have boosted my profile. It's such a confidence boost when the people that wink or favourite me are 20 years older, a lot younger, or look like they only have 2 if their own teeth!! I hate to be cruel, but I'm left thinking - really, those are my options now!?!