NoCapes thread 2 - No cape necessary

[NoCapes]

Can't believe we've filled up a whole thread
But I'm still not ready to be without you all yet ...

He's fucked up today's bedtime capes but baby will enjoy routine tomorrow ☺

Glad he's asleep now did you tell him to feed them properly and be back on time? I'd let him try again next weekend and if he fucks it up suggest structured contact, supervised, if he can't meet their basic needs when he has them.

My two were appalling APPALLING sleepers by the way

^This is a big part of the reason I didn't want to split tbh
I can't have this happen every weekend^

Stay strong woman

He will keep fucking up week after week.

"You cant cope with out me. It's obvious now. I better come home"

No!

You could change the timing? So he has them until 4? And as PP have said you can work on making him stick to the arrangements.
It's bound to be weird, it will become routine. Or, he'll not see them regularly anyway. KOKO capes

Leave it until tomorrow and send him a clearly stated message outlining that the kids were under his care and they were not fed and that they were returned after their bedtime. State how this has impacted them.

Keep a record of everything from now on.

Ah glad I found this one

Keep going Capes, you're doing brilliant, you utter

Make sure you text him about not feeding the elder ones properly and the LO not at all. Unfuckingbelievable. How hard can it be to pick up a jar of baby food from Boots even if you wouldn't normally allow it. Better than leaving him hungry.

Ok I'm calm now
I may have sent him an angry text before and he text back and was all 'woe is me' so I didn't even bother replying I was too mad
I'll send him an icy calm one tomorrow

42 today was kind of arranged on a whim just because the kids asked, I think we need to figure out days and times that will work better for the next time
Then he'll have no excuse ... Not that there is really an excuse!

In his defence (just because it reads really badly) the baby had a bottle mid afternoon, so didn't have nothing at all
But they all did need dinner at a reasonable time, he knows what time they eat!

Delighted the baby is feeling better and is asleep for you now. Do try and take a few minutes for yourself too as you'll need them to get through tomorrow and so on. You are doing brilliantly. Truly brilliant. I think others have suggested that you try and set up a schedule where he agrees to take the kids but as this wont be anything structured as such (or assigned by court), if I were you I would preface any conversation with "There may be slight differences based on their school schedule and after school activities" e.g. a party that they may be invited to on his weekend so he must be acceptable to such changes as this is their lives and they have to build their own friendships etc.

Did I say you're doing brilliantly, cos you are!

Stay strong He's playing the grand gestures to get the kids on side, but it's just that, gestures.

At the moment, he's the fun one and you are the naggy one, the one that gets them to bed, make them eat decent food at reasonable times, gets them dressed and to school. It won't take long, especially for your eldest, to realise you are the good one, the one that keeps them safe, that will always be there for them, the one that truly loves them for them

Do you think he was such an arse with the baby so that, next time, you tell him not to bother, just take the older two?

Arrange next week, say it didn't work having them back so late when they have school the next day, especially when it was later than agreed. Factual, not emotional. Even better if you do this tomorrow, ask the teachers how they've been in school and see if the grand day out has had an impact on their behaviour / attention - more facts for you if necessary. Suggest he either he does Saturday 1pm to 6pm, so they have time to recover the next day from a big day out, or he does from 10am to 3pm, so they can wind down afterwards.

You can do this. You ARE doing this!

He's a prize arse and clearly hasn't got a bloody clue! Not sure he'll find a lovely afternoon in Blackpool so much fun in the middle of Winter!
Bloody useless oaf

By 10 months surely he should realise that his own kid eats solids!! Or is he that checked out that he didn't even notice how old his kid was???

I did think he possibly would rather just have the older 2, he did ask me this morning whether I meant I wanted him to have all 3 of them 🙄

nocapes whatever you do, and as easier for you it may seem now... Don't split the kids for 'dad' time. Further down the line -when you want to do your own thing-- he will make it so you never have any free time of your own as you'll always have a child with you. Another aspect of control.

I would suggest to him for the next few weeks whilst everyone is getting used to things... He continues to see all 3 kids 1 weekend day a week and perhaps a night after school for tea.

Then when he is settled he commits to 1 tea during weekend and all 3 kids every other weekend I.e Friday evening until Sunday lunch (so you can settle them Sunday pm)

He can still have his childish weekend all nighters every other weekend and you get some much needed you time to do whatever you want including date when you are ready

It's really tough at first and you may feel you don't want to be away from them that long but believe me it's good for you and good for the kids. I relish it now, I am a better mum for having the free time to relax and my son gets his Disney dad routine every other week and massively appreciates what he has when he comes home too.

Set the tone for the future early. Routine, routine, routine is what works best all round.

1 tea during week that should have said.

Tbh I have no idea how we're going to arrange contact
He doesn't have anywhere to take them so overnights can't happen (I wouldn't let him have the baby overnight anyway, he's never ever got him to sleep/done a night waking etc) and he wouldn't get here until 6pm after work during the week so having them for tea wouldn't work either

I need to talk to him about it really but he said he doesn't want to talk about it basically

keep strong

just text him in no uncertain terms arethey to be fed sugar all day then a maccies at 7pm

if he cant feed them he cant have them

he doesnt want to talk about it because it means the end hes stalling you

say u need aroutine for the kids theyre vulnerable right now

He doesn't want to talk about it? Fuck me he doesn't want to do much does he? Bone idle cunting arsehole. He needs to understand it's not about what he wants, it's about what they need. If he can't meet their needs he can't have them unsupervised. Can he not take them to his mum's? Would she at least ensure they'd be fed properly?

Wow, No Kidding, that was a surprise......they were late home.

Tomorrow, send him a txt saying, "Bravo, you took them out for 6 hours & only fed them sugar. The baby was completely shattered & beyond comforting. tomorrow the 2 biggest have school
This is not going to happen again, there are contact centres for irresponsible parents & you have proved to be just that.
The first contact for a week (after the CHILDREN's request) & you fail, both on care & return time.

On the next occasion, Please make him have all 3 if possible, There is no reason he gets the "easy option".
Plus do NOT authorise every w/e, eventually, when you can get work, you will also be entitled a w/e of down time. & any precedent set up now, may be continued if it the authorities get involved.
What about Sat midday to Sunday 4pm EOW (that should screw his Saturday evening bonanzas) & one evening from school to bed time, but he returns them fed, bathed & in PJs.

Sorry he proved himself, again, to be a jerk

His mother has a 4 bed house, Why can't he take them there?

His Mum doesn't see them, she's a whole other thread tbh, but yeah she's not an option at all

Oh dear, sorry I didn't mean to open a can of worms. Fuck him, it's his job to work out where to go with them, to feed them and to meet their needs. If he can't do it, he can't have them unless it's a contact centre.